Many men are sure that if you take more initiative, write to a girl more often, open up faster, immediately talk about how he sees their common future, and pursue her even if she keeps her distance, this will accelerate the development of the relationship. It seems to them that you can arouse a girl’s interest and earn her sympathy with your own pressure. And the stronger he is, the sooner she will give up. In reality, the situation often develops in exactly the opposite way. Strong pressure from a man increases the feeling of pressure, destroys the sense of security, and prevents you from building close and trusting communication.
Instead of the expected interest in yourself and your personality, you can get ignored and completely disconnected from yourself. At the beginning of dating and in the early stages of developing a relationship, it is especially important to behave with restraint: at least do not try to accelerate what should be a natural pace that is comfortable for both of you, and do not base your actions solely on your own desire to communicate with a partner. It’s this kind of attitude on your part that will increase the attraction, and here’s why.
Ways emotional restraint strengthens attraction
1. Restraint leaves room for interest
You’re a new person in your partner’s life, and neither you nor she knows yet what the future holds for your relationship. It makes sense that each of you should maintain your usual routine: go to work, communicate with your loved ones, and engage in hobbies. In other words, each of you needs your own space. If you don’t inundate your partner with endless messages, don’t invite her to meetings every day, and don’t try to fill in every gap in your interaction, she gets the opportunity to really get interested in you, reflect on her feelings for you, and miss you. And this interest becomes natural; it is born from her emotions and feelings. You can’t impose such an attitude on yourself from the outside, no matter how hard you try.
2. Restraint creates a sense of the value of communication
When the main thing for a person is to achieve his goal, he is ready to go to great lengths for this. Excessive pressure in communication feels the same way. It’s like you want to win a partner over and do it as quickly as possible. The problem is that such a rhythm does not create the feeling that communication with her has weight for you.
Restraint, on the other hand, allows you to feel that you like the process itself, not just the result.Your partner sees that you are ready to invest in your interaction, get to know her, open up, and gradually form an emotional intimacy. Visit. A F I N I K. C O M . For the full article. It lets her know that you’re really interested in her as a person.
3. Restraint makes you more mysterious
Attraction is often based on an element of uncertainty: when a person is not fully understood or when his personality is so deep and interesting that there is a desire to get to know him further. If you focus on winning a girl, tell superficial information about yourself without going into any details, and move on to the next step faster, the effect collapses.
A partner may get the impression that since you share standard data with her without deepening the dialogue, there is nothing to talk about with you. If you show restraint in communication, you will be able to reveal yourself from the other side. Firstly, it will allow you to tell more about yourself, your views, goals, values, and interests. Secondly, the depth of your interaction can hook a girl and make her want to get to know you even more deeply.
4. Restraint removes pressure
One of the main factors that most often kills interest in communication is pressure. No one likes excessive pressure: an incessant stream of messages, calls, attempts to solve something for a person, to accelerate the development of events. All this is perceived by the girl as an imposition and as an additional burden, which is enough in her life without you. As a result, even if she really likes you, your hyperactivity in communication can make her tired and annoyed. In order to reduce the pressure, try to be restrained. Don’t demand instant answers, don’t rush to get important answers, and don’t try to influence the dynamics of your relationship. This way, you will make communication with you easy and pleasant, which will increase your chances of a partner liking you.
5. Restraint is perceived as a manifestation of self-confidence
The paradox: if you behave excessively actively in communicating with a girl, you may be perceived from the outside as not a very confident person. Judge for yourself: constant messages and calls are similar to attracting attention to yourself, quick reactions to any changes in interaction can be called the result of anxiety and self-doubt, and so on. In general, this is how you show your dependence on the result.
If you are confident in yourself and understand your value, you remain calm and restrained: you do not react to every little thing, you take pauses, you are not afraid of silence, and you give the girl space for analysis. And it attracts much more than the pressure.
6. Restraint allows a partner to show up
If you constantly take the initiative (you call, write, tell something about yourself, offer options for spending time together), then the girl simply does not have the space to show up. There is bound to be an imbalance in such a relationship, as one side remains passive. The only way to change that is if you give her the space to take the initiative. For example, you can avoid writing first for a while, or you can wait for her to invite you to go somewhere. This way, you will increase her involvement in your relationship.
7. Restraint helps to feel the dynamics of communication better
As long as you’re passionate about the idea of how to please your partner, how to take a place in her life, and earn her sympathy, you’re more or less disconnected from reality. The fact is that you’re not focusing your attention on her, but on your actions. As a result, you don’t notice how your partner is talking to you, how involved she is in communication, which topics she is interested in and which are not, and so on.
When you give up trying to win a partner over by all means, you begin to notice her reactions to what is happening. Therefore, you get the opportunity to analyze how your relationship is developing in reality. Somewhere you will be able to make honest conclusions about your interlocutor and the likely future of your relationship in time, and somewhere you will be able to adjust your approach to communication.
