Mass culture instills in us the belief that truly loving someone means dissolving into this person and becoming one with him. However, the prospect of being the very couple who always goes everywhere, just the two of them, not knowing how to survive even a fleeting breakup, should terrify you.
After all, the lack of a person’s interests, desires, and needs that can and should be realized leads to self-loss. We lay out the reasons why this situation is happening.
Seven reasons for self-loss in a relationship
1. You sacrifice your interests
Before sacrificing your interests in a relationship, ask yourself why such sacrifices are needed. Suppose you and a girl initially have too little in common and adhere to fundamentally different views on issues important to you. In that case, the very existence of your couple is highly doubtful.
Either you will have to find a compromise for a long time and tediously, or someone will have to make sacrifices while realizing that one day you can greatly regret this decision. When you fall in love with someone, you are ready for a lot, but it is important not to overdo it. Forgetting about your interests in an attempt to please a girl, you lose yourself and begin to give up what is really of great value to you.
2. You don’t defend your opinion
You may mistakenly believe there should be no conflicts and disagreements in a healthy and happy relationship. But this is not the case: the worst thing is to remain silent when you feel disagreement and internal dissatisfaction with the situation.
Your willingness to agree with a girl just so as not to spoil the mood of the two of you destroys your relationship in the long run. In addition, you are also destroying yourself. When you obey your partner, silencing your disagreement, you lose yourself, your voice, your personality. You voluntarily stop talking about your thoughts and feelings, gradually adjusting to the other person.
3. You don’t feel your self-worth
If you constantly allow a girl to violate your boundaries, dictate to you what to do, and put her interests above yours without a chance to find a compromise, you lose your self-worth.
Gradually, you stop believing in your abilities and focus on self-improvement for your partner. To perceive your value through the prism of relationships is a huge mistake.
This way, you make yourself vulnerable to various manipulations, give the girl the right to make decisions for you, try to get her approval, and make her happy. At the same time, you forget entirely that you are valuable for who you are.
4. You compare your relationship with others
You see happy couples all around you all the time. They post declarations of love on their social networks, give each other expensive gifts, and show with their whole appearance that everything is fine with them.
Unwittingly, you can start comparing your relationships with others while making conclusions that are far from your favor. Of course, any comparisons are a direct path to disappointment because other people seem to be getting things more accessible, better, faster, and so on.
As a result, you may feel dissatisfied with your current situation. Doubts about yourself and your relationships may also make you feel the need for change. Even if you are more than satisfied with the events, you can begin to transform your habits, goals, and values.
Because of this, you won’t eventually experience the desired satisfaction and won’t grow any closer to perfection. As a result, you won’t eventually experience the bliss you want and won’t move any closer to perfection. You are going to lose yourself, that’s all.
5. You don’t have a personal space
The lack of personal space hits a person hard. If a girl doesn’t respect your desire to spend time apart from her, you start to feel limited. Everyone needs at least an hour a day to think about topics of interest and analyze recent events, feelings, and plans.
Sometimes, the reason you don’t have a personal space is yourself. This happens if you become obsessed with your girlfriend, literally living with her, her needs, desires, and interests. In the long run, lacking personal space can lead to losing individuality and doubts about who you are.
6. You stop communicating with your friends and family
When diving into a relationship with a girl, it is important to maintain a balance of communication with her and those in your life before she appears. Do not forget that you have family, friends, and relatives. It is a losing decision to leave them, stop spending time with them, limit meetings, and distance yourself.
First, you isolate yourself, risking losing important social connections. Secondly, with the people you love, you also lose a part of yourself: you stop discussing topics of interest to you, engage in joint hobbies, visit places you loved to see before, abandon plans for the future, and so on.
You don’t have to choose between dating a girl and hanging out with friends. Both are an important part of your life, so learn to keep a balance. Otherwise, you will lose not only people but also yourself.
7. You put the girl in the first place
For various reasons, you can give the presence of a girl in your life too much importance. Of course, relationships, especially healthy and long—term ones, are precious. But they should never be in the first place.
Do not assume that your happiness and satisfaction depend on another person. As soon as you make a girl the center of your universe, you will begin to obey her needs and desires at will, pushing your own into the background. This severely limits your growth and development, makes you dependent, and deprives you of the opportunity to be yourself in a relationship.
