It is unlikely that anyone will like the situation when an outsider indicates how to live. Unsolicited advice is annoying, especially when it turns out to be inappropriate or touches on too personal topics. But is our reaction always the right answer to what we hear? Sometimes. It happens that she talks more about ourselves than about our interlocutors. So, let’s figure out why other people’s advice makes you feel negative emotions and also learn how to react correctly in such situations.
Reasons you don’t like to hear other people’s advice
1. The need for autonomy
The desire to be the master of our actions is inherent in us by nature and is one of our fundamental psychological needs. Therefore, we get annoyed by the feeling that someone else is trying to control us. By bursting into anger and discontent and openly expressing them, we begin to assert our autonomy. We strive for independence, as it gives us the feeling of free will that every adult needs.
2. The feeling of powerlessness
The rejection of autonomy feels like a transfer of power over oneself to an outsider. Now, he decides where to go, what to do, and how to think. This leads to unpleasant, disturbing, and anger-inducing feelings of powerlessness. It is associated with weakness, humiliation, and self-underestimation. That’s why we do our best to protect ourselves from handing over control of our lives to others. We resist other people’s requests, snort when we hear unsolicited advice, or come into conflict when a clash of interests becomes severe and open.
3. Feeling like you’re a child
You may have noticed that by listening to unsolicited advice and guidance, you become a small child forced to obey his elders and do what is required. And it’s a very unpleasant feeling, anyway. You are an adult and responsible person who has been through a lot, and suddenly, you feel helpless and small, dependent on someone, and a little stupid.
Unfortunately, this feeling sometimes makes us react to unsolicited advice childishly; for example, we can throw a tantrum or use our fists. However, such a reaction is not an adult and responsible way to deal with the problem, so it is important to change it.
4. Inability to take criticism
No one likes criticism, especially if it is far from constructive. Some take it with a light heart, and some think about other people’s words for a long time and take them personally. If your relationship with criticism leaves much to be desired, other people’s advice always feels like a prick, a reproach, and an attempt on your personality. Because of this, you react sharply to them, even when the person giving you a recommendation is very discreet and wishes you only the best.
How to react correctly to other people’s advice
Unfortunately, there is no escape from other people’s advice. But if you constantly express your dissatisfaction, enter into conflict, or prove your case with foam at the mouth, then you can turn your relationship into a continuous nightmare. There are several healthy ways to keep your reaction under control and take other people’s advice without harming yourself and others.
1. Define the space for your reactions
When told what to do and how to live, be aware of your thoughts and feelings. Let go of thoughts about how you “should” react to them, and just note what happens to your mind and body at such moments. Once you understand how an emotional reaction manifests itself, you will be less likely to criticize yourself for experiencing it, and you will also understand when it’s time to take control of feelings. This gives you a little space to make an informed choice about how you will interact with the person you are hearing advice from.
2. Pay attention to your assumptions
Instead of rushing into battle furiously and arguing with someone who is giving you advice, stop for a minute and try to understand how your mind interprets the situation. Perhaps you feel that someone is forcing you to give up power over your life.Visit. A F R I N I K . C O M. For the full article .Or do you think you’re being treated like an unreasonable child? Stop and think: could your mind be playing a cruel joke on you and misperceive the situation?
After all, it happens that what we perceive as an attempt at personal responsibility is nothing more than an attempt to take care of us. Try to consider possible alternatives and understand the motives of the interlocutor, and not immediately rush into the embrasure, enter into a heated argument, and refuse his advice.
3. Realize the grip of the ego
When the ego is activated, it can be difficult to think clearly. Our inner self feels good, right, and in control, so it tries to protect itself at all costs. But sometimes, you need to get the better of your ego and look at reality objectively. It is quite possible that the person giving you advice does not want to humiliate you or show that he is much wiser than you — such assumptions are precisely the work of your ego.
It tends to justify our resentment or rationalize hatred, which makes us blind and angry at everyone around us. If you want to take other people’s advice with a calm soul, try not to let them pass through you and at least temporarily turn off your pride to figure out whether they are useful.
4. Express your feelings quickly and appropriately
Before you open your mouth and respond to the advice you receive, think about it: are you ready to express your feelings quickly and appropriately? If not, then take a short pause to collect your thoughts. Instead of blurting out a long monologue filled with negativity and frustration, try to fit it into a succinct statement that can describe your emotions briefly and clearly. For example, if a friend gives you unsolicited relationship advice, tell him: “I hate that you bring up this topic. It is too personal, and I am angry that you allow yourself to raise it.”
Such an answer will make it much better for a friend to understand that his advice was out of place than a long, emotional monologue. And sometimes, it’s better to keep silent and then release anger in a calm environment than to enter into a dialogue with someone who tells you how to live.
