Perhaps you have ever wondered why some people refuse to communicate with you or why your opinion pisses someone off. The reason may be far from your interlocutors but in you.
There is a fine line between assertiveness and outright rigidity. It’s important to recognize the signs of crossing it in time to become a good conversationalist and a person you want to be friends with.
Here are seven behaviors that suggest you may be acting too tough and are difficult to deal with.
7 signs you are too tough and difficult to deal with
1. You are too critical
Probably everyone wants to improve and grow and become a better version of themselves. But there’s a difference between constructive criticism, which helps you do that, and the kind that destroys and brings negative feelings.
If you find yourself constantly pointing out other people’s flaws or things they should change, especially when you’re not asked to, it’s time to rethink your approach to life.
This behavior is the best way to appear to others as intimidating and unpleasant. People may feel like they are constantly under scrutiny and can never meet your expectations.
Instead of focusing on negativity and other people’s mistakes, try changing your focus to encouraging growth and improvement, but in a discreet way and when the person asks for it.
2. You don’t show vulnerability
We often associate strength with toughness and steadfastness. But it comes from the courage to be vulnerable, not the need to make yourself look like a hero constantly.
If you always try to look like you’re in control and have absolutely no feelings, it’s hard for others to know what’s on your mind and what kind of person you are.
This behavior is scary and makes other people think that they can’t live up to the mask of “perfectness” you put on. You shouldn’t be afraid to discuss your difficulties and worries, especially with those closest to you.
It helps you feel heard, and to others, this behavior signals that you are close to them or on the same page as them.
Showing vulnerability doesn’t make you weak; it makes you human. It encourages others to do the same and creates deeper social bonds.
3. You are often the loudest person in the room
We have all been in a situation like this – at a meeting or in a public place where one person tries to dominate the conversation. His or her voice is always the loudest, his or her opinion cannot be criticized, and he or she often interrupts others.
And that person could be you. Of course, the ability to speak openly and persistently is a useful skill, but when it goes to the extreme, the difficulties begin.
Being too “loud” repels interlocutors and prevents open dialogue with them. If you notice that you constantly pull the blanket over yourself in conversations, it’s time to take a step back and rethink your communication style.
Are you letting other people have their say? Are you really listening to what they have to say? Remember that conversation is a two-way street; sometimes, the most impactful thing you can do is simply listen to others.
4. Your independence is overwhelming
Strength and independence are admirable traits. They show that you are self-sufficient and able to take responsibility and solve complex issues. But excessive independence, like other extremes, is repulsive.
If you never ask for help or talk about your business, people, even those closest to you, may think you don’t value their perspective or consider them uncooperative.
It’s important to strike a balance between independence and the ability to interact with others. Don’t put up a huge wall against others in an attempt to prove that you are strong on your own – this is a direct route to isolation and loneliness.
5. You are too nice.
It may seem counterintuitive, but being agreeable isn’t always the best approach. Sure, it’s great to get along with other people, but when you’re always nodding without expressing your thoughts, it sends the wrong message to those around you.
Think about it this way: if you’re always nice to people and agree with other people’s opinions, people around you may start to doubt your sincerity. And this is alarming and makes them distrust you.
Of course, it is not always worth defending your point of view with foam at the mouth and going against others just to show dissent. It’s important to express yourself respectfully, honestly, and tactfully—that will make you a genuinely nice person.
6. You are not easily impressed
Having high standards and expectations is one thing, but if you are rarely impressed or satisfied with life, it can create a difficult atmosphere in which others find it hard to succeed.
People need encouragement and recognition. When they feel like their efforts are never good enough, it’s discouraging. It’s important to realize that being able to be happy for others and give compliments and praise affects not only the well-being of those around you but also your own.
So, if you want to stop being a tough person who is difficult to deal with, it’s time to learn to take a genuine interest in the affairs of others and appreciate their victories and efforts, not just the results.
7. You’re too restrained in your emotions
Someone who never shows his emotions can be called “a man in a case.” He closes himself off from the outside world, pushing away even those who show him friendliness and keen interest.
By building a fortress around your heart, you miss the opportunity to gain something meaningful – a strong relationship. People don’t trust those who can’t talk about their feelings because there’s not much on the mind of a person who is always trying to appear calm and detached.
In order not to appear too rigid and frightening to others, it is time to learn not only to control but also to show emotions. Sadness, joy, surprise, disappointment – none of them is shameful.
So you should allow yourself to either smile broadly when it’s springtime or talk about what’s bothering you if your heart is pinched with longing.
