We feel uncomfortable talking about some topics. These include personal questions and conversations that evoke negative feelings or traumatic recollections from our past. Conversations sometimes end abruptly because they can be interpreted as rude, but naturally, I don’t want to carry on with this type of conversation. There are, however, a few discreet techniques to avoid broaching an awkward topic with someone else.
Use the association to go to a related topic
If someone starts a conversation on a topic that is unpleasant or not very interesting to you, change the direction of the discussion with the help of an association. To use this technique effectively, you must listen carefully to what the other person is saying.
This way, you can highlight a particular part of the conversation, which you use as a “bridge” to a new topic. Here is an example of using an association. Suppose your friend tells you he saw your ex with a new boyfriend in a cafe. Discussing the personal life of the girl you broke up with is unpleasant for you, but you can “move off” by saying, “Oh, I know this cafe. Have you been there? There’s great pizza and pasta.”
Answer the question with a question
Sometimes, people are overly curious. Even if they have good intentions, asking too many personal questions is unpleasant, let alone when they openly cross borders and try to provoke conflict.
But there’s a way to change the subject if you don’t want to answer sensitive questions. Ask your question to the other person to turn the conversation in a different direction and avoid disclosing something personal.
For example, the next time your aunt asks, “When will you stop traveling with a girl and think about having children?” answer: “Didn’t you promise that you would visit us when we rest in the mountains? We’re still really looking forward to it.”
Go back to the previous topic
When the conversation becomes awkward, or you no longer know what to say, you can bring up the topic you and the other person discussed earlier. You must develop an appropriate question referring to what was discussed earlier. For example, when you met with a friend, he talked about how things were going at his job.
To return to this topic, say: “Listen, before I forget, I want to ask: how did you get into the marketing department? My friend is studying to be a marketer, and I would love to learn more about this profession.”
Another phrase that will help to cope with the lull in the conversation and discuss what has already been said is:“I’m sorry to change the subject, I just didn’t have time to ask you earlier: tell me, how did you get into the marketing department at work?”.
Create a distraction
Distraction allows you to steer the conversation in a different direction skillfully. The person you’re talking to won’t notice that you did it intentionally. The best way to distract the interlocutor’s attention is to compliment or see something that concerns him and then ask an off-topic question.
Let’s say your friend, who recently became a father, talks endlessly about his child. You can compliment him: “You are a perfect dad; your baby is lucky to have you.” Then, abruptly change the subject by asking, “Listen, you know about cars and components.
Tell me which radio is better to watch.” You can also compliment something tangible, such as the clothes of the interlocutor or how some object looks like that he has with him. Here is a phrase you can get out of the situation if you do not know what to note or praise: “It seems to me that I have not seen this phone case with you; I like it. Where did you buy it?”
Confirm, provide information, and redirect
This technique works best if your interlocutor mostly talks, and you can’t get a word in. First, you must admit that you understood him and draw a conclusion to show that he conveyed the information clearly and thoroughly.
Then, all that remains is to add your thoughts to the conclusion and redirect the conversation. Let’s say your friend started telling you about swimming—how amazing it is and why everyone should take up this sport. He’s been discussing the benefits and pleasant moments for the past hour and will not stop.
That’s what needs to be done. First, politely interrupt him with a question: “Wait, are you saying that the benefits of swimming are much greater than those of running or cycling?” Then, immediately contribute to the conversation: “Well, I think it is; besides, I like the relaxing effect of swimming.” To redirect the conversation, ask a question about something related: “What kind of sports would you like to do besides going to the pool?”.
Physically
If no attempt to change the conversation has been successful, there is only one option left — to leave physically. Apologize and go to the bathroom; you can also say that you need to make a phone call. When you return, the other person may have forgotten what you discussed.
For the strategy to work for sure, after returning, comment on the reason for your departure. For example, you can note that the toilet is clean and pleasant music is playing, or say that the person you were chatting with is glad you are having a good time. Such comments help create a distraction and eliminate the possibility that your interlocutor will return to an unpleasant topic for you.
