People demand a lot from us, but the most common expectation is to conform to what they think or want to think. If they think you’re going to act a certain way in a situation and you suddenly make a completely different decision, they may react differently.
Some will show their tolerance and continue to build a relationship with you as before, while others will start demanding that you conform to their worldview.
If you think that too often you are adjusting to someone else’s demands instead of deciding for yourself, this is a big problem. In the future, it is fraught with frustration, anxiety, and stress, which eventually leads to various disorders, up to severe depression.
In order to deal with a problem, you first need to recognize it and understand why it exists. Here are some possible reasons for your behavior.
7 reasons why you’re adjusting to the demands of others
1. You strive to meet the expectations of others
Maybe you were raised from childhood with the idea that you had to conform to other people’s expectations. First, you did what your parents wanted you to do, then you listened too much to your friends’ opinions, and then you were guided by your girlfriend’s desires and goals. With this approach to decision-making, you risk never knowing what it is to be happy and satisfied with yourself.
The expectations of others and not meeting them with your actions is their problem, not yours. You are not responsible for other people, their emotions and feelings. But you are responsible to yourself for how you utilize your resources and inner potential.
2. You feel safe sharing other people’s beliefs
If you are afraid of being judged or rejected or cannot stand up for your decisions, you will start to adjust to those around you. Doing this is much easier than finding the strength and courage to take a risk and face your fears.
Your non-responsiveness and absolute agreement with what other people say or do give you an imaginary sense of security. It is deceptive because a person without an opinion will never be respected or taken seriously and will not listen to him. Once you think you have earned loyalty, you will be immediately reminded of how things are in reality.
3. You don’t know how to set personal boundaries.
Lack of personal boundaries or the inability to protect them. Maybe you feel that you shouldn’t make any demands in your relationships with your loved ones, or you always try to go along with someone without noticing how it hurts you. Either way, problems with personal boundaries are fraught with severe consequences.
First and foremost are difficulties in rejection, inability to prioritize, self-sacrifice, erased roles, and constant pressure from others against which you cannot stand, so you have to adjust to other people’s demands.
4. You’re trying to be on the same page with the person
The desire to get close to a person, learn more about them, and earn their favor can play a cruel trick on you. Instead of opening up and showing yourself, you may choose another strategy – imitation.
You will repeat everything after your interlocutor, try to convince him that you have much in common, and agree to his proposals even if you are uninterested.
This approach will only lead to disappointment in the end. Probably, you, deep down, realize it. Either a person will be disappointed to learn that you have not been honest with him for a long time, and the trust between you will be destroyed forever.
Or you will be disappointed in his reaction or your actions. Both options imply that you will never achieve your goal, and as a consequence of your actions, you will lose far more than you gain.
5. You lack self-confidence
If you lack self-confidence, several problems usually result. They all affect your behavior and relationships with others in one way or another.
Firstly, confidence is necessary to defend your interests and act against the expectations of others. Over time, their pressure and manipulation can change your mind and make you act in a way that is favorable to someone else.
Second, you don’t trust your decisions if you don’t believe in yourself. If you consider your decisions to be known failures, you can choose a safer way and remove responsibility for possible mistakes. You’ll do what those around you demand of you, and if you fail, you can always blame your advisors.
6. You want to be the center of positive attention
The desire for approval and recognition may force you to conform to the demands of others. The logic is simple: when you go against the accepted framework, do things differently than everyone else, and reject other people’s advice and guidance, you put yourself at risk. People will certainly pay attention to you, but it is more likely adverse.
They will discuss you, judge you, and try to point out your mistakes and shortcomings. Another thing is if you decide to act the way your environment demands of you.
In this case, you can become an example for everyone, receive praise instead of censure, and earn someone’s respect. However, you will face a severe problem: earning your favor will be much more complicated. Especially if you’re used to sacrificing your interests.
7. You don’t know your values and goals
You can only oppose the demands of others if you have formed your own system of values or still need to learn what you want from life. When you are in limbo, you become an easy target for manipulation and are more likely to work to make someone else happy than yourself.
If you often make decisions based on other people’s advice or expectations without seeing any alternative, you probably need to get to know yourself better. Do this before you start regretting missed opportunities.
