How accepting the inevitable frees you from fantasies of a different life

Many people are unhappy only because they perceive the present as a draft of the future, where everything should work out the best. Somewhere out there, in an alternate world, there must be a more famous, rich, successful, perhaps even ideal version of you. It remains only to wait, to endure the unsatisfactory reality. The problem is that we all live in the present, which will last indefinitely until the very end. It often happens that happiness does not come with the acquisition of something, but as a result of giving up unnecessary thoughts. Maybe you should stop chasing the phantom of a better life that doesn’t exist anyway.

Why does a dream of another life appear?

To simplify it a lot, it’s about envy and misunderstanding of one’s own desires. Few people are completely satisfied with their lives, and even rarer are people who realize exactly what needs to be changed. Therefore, we look around for a worthy example approved by society. They are found instantly. Their biographies differ, but they almost always have similar details. These are usually incredible stories of meteoric rise. They begin in an underground garage or in a crumbling barn, from where, in just a few years, our hero is transported to Manhattan or the Federation Tower.

The message of such stories is simple: nothing is impossible. To be fair, it’s worth noting that this is true. Especially when you’re young and haven’t had time to accumulate the effects of a lot of thoughtless actions. However, the cult of success does not talk about opportunities — it is a strict indication of the path and goal. The imposition of an ideal that you accept because the alternative is an existing unsatisfactory reality.

Unfavorable comparison

The real imperfection you will always lose to the fictional image. After all, no one dreams of a worse version of themselves, of less than they already have. Comparing reality with a hypothetical better life, we immediately notice where we made mistakes. This usually translates into simple thoughts: “If I had taken the risk then,” “If I had chosen another profession,” “If I had taken the chance.”

Someone goes even further and starts blaming fate for their dissatisfaction. If you had been born in another city or another country, everything would have turned out differently. It’s true again, but it could have been much worse. A retrospective analysis provides convincing answers. It seems that you understand exactly where you stumbled or thought for an unacceptably long time in inaction.
There doesn’t seem to be anything to argue about, because there are clear examples.

Here you are with your life, but somewhere out there, you are not in a much better position. So, mistakes were made. Despite the apparent obviousness of the conclusions and the correctness of judgments, people tend to forget the details. All decisions in the past were made based on the reality that existed then. Maybe you really turned down a good offer, missed a chance, but being in the moment, it wasn’t so obvious. There were pros and cons that don’t matter today.

Acceptance is not humility

Acceptance is the first step towards giving up senseless suffering. Meanwhile, you don’t have to put up with an unenviable situation. It is necessary to recognize the existing reality and the impossibility of influencing the past. It might be full of mistakes, but now what? Experiencing the same negative emotions won’t help fix the situation in any way. Save your memories for the future, where you will have to make decisions more than once.

When the moment comes, don’t make the same mistakes. Accepting the past changes one’s attitude towards it. Instead of the obsessive question “What if…?” ask, “What should I do now?” You weren’t the stupidest, the poorest, or the weakest before, and you still aren’t. There have been no drastic changes, which means there is still room for them.

How to let go of fantasies about another life

First, you need to separate reality (albeit hypothetical) from the ideal. Take the brightest and most attractive elements of a dream, analyze them for true desirability. Then ask yourself a question: Do you really want to live as you imagine, or do you see only the general concept as attractive? Everyone would like to be richer, but not everyone is ready to give up all other personal interests for this. Perhaps you don’t need to travel around the world on a luxury liner, but a little extra freedom. It is possible that when you think about changing your profession, you are not looking for career opportunities, or even higher earnings, but simple respect.

Understanding the real reasons for dissatisfaction with life will help you make the most appropriate decisions available to you, who are here and now. Your life isn’t perfect, but it’s certainly not that bad. Look for value in what you have. Think about all the good things, favorite activities, permissible weaknesses and whims, dear people who surround you in the existing reality. It is possible and even likely that much of this is not in that parallel ideal world.

If your “best life” is unbearably attractive, does not tolerate any excuses, does not hear arguments, there is only one way out. Take the first step towards her. Not sometime later, not on the weekend, and not even tomorrow. Do it right now. If you want to change jobs, send your resume to ten companies. If you dream of implementing a creative project, get started and start with simple sketches. If you are not satisfied with your physical condition, sign up for the gym, but before that, put on suitable clothes and go to the nearest courtyard.