How do you survive if you haven’t and won’t become what you want

Sooner or later, most people face disappointment. Some dreams will remain unfulfilled, and the images that create a picture of an ideal life in the imagination will not materialize. Usually, the moment of realization is years behind the events that closed the window of opportunity. I missed my time there, made the wrong choice here, headed in the other direction, hoping to shorten the path, and got lost.

Then comes another, most ordinary morning, but you wake up with a heavy thought: you will no longer become who you want to be. You turn on your side, run your hand over the sheet, open your eyes, look around, and realize — she’s gone. There is no hope anymore. The world doesn’t seem to have collapsed, but I don’t want to look in the mirror for some reason, and any activity seems to have lost meaning.

What to do, how to live, and what now is unclear. It would be best if you wanted to become someone else. However, the process of reformatting the personality takes work. If not all, many areas of life are subject to reassessment — from career aspirations to goals and values.

Freedom from hope

Hope can be pleasant company, give strength, and give peace and confidence. However, there is also a downside. Over the years of downtime and unrequited love, she transforms and becomes false. The effect remains the same for a while, or it feels the same, but the main detail changes dramatically. Hope no longer inspires but shatters, does not encourage action, and imposes meaningless expectations.

You are still good together, but there are notes of falsehood in the relationship. Then comes the morning when you wake up alone with mixed feelings. Disappointment, confusion, and even anger are also a kind of lightness that seems entirely out of place. It’s worth focusing on. This lightness is weightless; any draft can blow it away, and you must grab it faster. Look carefully at what has fallen into your hands. This is freedom!

It is an opportunity for a new beginning without looking back at the past. Your old dream won’t come true anymore because you didn’t show enough activity and perseverance. So it’s time to consider other, more adequate and realistic options. The main thing is to remember that freedom always tries to fly out of tight walls, and others will want to knock it out of your hands, giving unsolicited advice and taking up time and attention to no avail.

To destroy a harmful connection

Somewhere in a parallel reality, there is a fantastic version of you. A man who has realized his dreams and has been on top of the world for a long time. Chasing a phantom only takes time, which can be exchanged for various things, achievements, and desires. Say goodbye to the alternative and unrealized self without envy, regret, or anger. Almost every person has such replicas, often several of them. The only difference is that some people eventually begin to play the role, to cosplay the image, while others realize the discrepancy and rebuild their lives.

Short-term perspective

Do not repeat your mistake earlier; do not try to structure your life for years ahead by choosing a new grandiose goal. The resulting void will be filled gradually. You don’t need a complicated and even more rigorous plan of action. On the contrary, embrace improvisation. The main thing is not to confuse it with indifference and detachment.

Focus on the short term, think about what you want, and most importantly, you can get it shortly. Satisfy some available desires — their range is extensive. You need to choose. Perhaps quitting a tedious job doesn’t seem so crazy anymore. Satisfying missing emotions or hunting for future memories is no longer considered indulging a whim. Do something, bring the unknown or the forgotten to life — you will surely find something fascinating.

This will become your guide, and soon, a new hope will come to the date. Mature relationships without youthful maximalism tend to be more productive. It is possible that everything will work out for you this time, but do not make any promises immediately; do not swear eternal fidelity. After all, you still don’t know precisely what you want to do in a month or who you want to become a year later.

The great meaning

If improvisation and new plans fail, stop and look the other way. The most sarcastic judges no longer have the right to vote; there is only the real you with your real life. Take your time, but also don’t sit idly by. Search, try, evaluate. Having experienced the taste of success, even in something small, keep repeating the experience for anything. You may face that short-term goal, a fleeting attraction that will become a new meaning of life.

That is why you should start filling the void with something attainable. You feel the space around you, and you will get pricked several times, but sooner or later, you will find something worthy of attention. All short-term goals have the potential to lengthen. At the same time, they are easy to give up because, before the transformation, they were just light hobbies, personal whims with no special value.

The search for self-realization

A child needs an authoritative reference point—preferably a socially recognized person who has achieved high results. However, such a comparison can do more harm than good in adulthood. The difference is due to changed circumstances. In the first case, we are talking about the beginning of a life path, an almost unlimited amount of time spent acquiring knowledge and skills.

A few years ago, you were more promising, had many more opportunities, and could become anyone. In the second case, the missed years turn into natural constraints. Therefore, the issue of self-realization should be approached less demanding. You won’t be able to write your name in the pages of history textbooks, discover the century, or fly to the moon. You won’t become a billionaire or a global celebrity.

On the other hand, you can still have a great time and live a good life. Why not call it self-realization? In the end, many people regret their wasted lives. A life filled with events and details is not a trifle at all, unworthy of attention. Happiness is entirely achievable without grandiose plans and outstanding achievements. It is enough to find a suitable place for yourself, preserving human dignity.