How to know that you have an unhealthy attachment to someone
You feel attached to certain objects, places, people — this is normal. This happens when an object or subject plays an important role in your life. This is especially true for relationships with people — you want to spend as much time as possible with a loved one, emotionally invest in communication with him, find common hobbies. But it is essential to be careful — because excessive attachment can eventually develop into psychological dependence and turn your relationship unhealthy.
This happens both in love and in friendship. The way you build interaction with a person greatly affects the quality of your communication, your sense of comfort, and your level of trust. Unfortunately, it can be difficult to determine where the line between normality and obsession lies, especially if you have no experience of strong and healthy relationships. We have collected several signs that will help you realize in time that you have an unhealthy attachment to a person. The sooner you understand this, the more likely you will have time to change your behavior and keep important relationships for yourself.
1. You can’t imagine your life without the person
Have you ever had this: you look at a loved one and feel that you can’t live without his presence in your life? It seems that if he disappears, you will not be able to improve your life, return to hobbies, build relationships with anyone else. So, this is an alarm bell that indicates your unhealthy attachment to a person. The situation is unfortunate if, when talking about a possible breakup, suicidal thoughts begin to visit you.
It is perfectly normal to love and respect a loved one because he occupies an important place in your life. However, you must realize that you are two personalities who will not necessarily remain in the same good relationship until death. You don’t depend on each other and shouldn’t put each other first. Suppose suddenly a person decides to stop communicating with you or a relationship. In that case, your life will remain the same — you will work, do hobbies, communicate with other people, but now without him. Focus on yourself, not someone else, and don’t go to extremes.
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2. You can’t concentrate on yourself
When you enter into a romantic relationship, you want to spend as much time with your girlfriend. You notice how your mood rises when you are near the object of your love. You can talk for hours, watch movies, walk and get to know each other. Of course, you have an inevitable interdependence, and at the beginning of the relationship, you focus not on yourself but on your partner. Sometimes this kind of obsession can last for several months or even years.
Suppose such a condition prevents you from leading a habitual life — doing your job efficiently, maintaining communication with your family and friends, pursuing hobbies, and achieving your goals. In that case, your attachment can hardly be called healthy. Relationships should not stand above everything necessary before them. You still need money to provide for your existence; career growth is still important to be realized, and so on. Think about what you will have left if your loved one suddenly decides to leave.
Focus attention primarily on yourself — this is not selfishness but common sense. Spend time with the one you love, but do not forget that you have your own life, which you also have to pay attention to.
3. You forget about the existence of other people in your life
One of the most common mistakes of a person who falls in love is being fixated on his partner. When you have a girlfriend, you want to spend as much time with her as possible, and you can forget that there are other important people in your life, for example, your family and friends. Your environment, which you needed before meeting her, fades into the background. You often do not have enough time or desire to call your loved ones, meet with them, listen to their complaints about problems. It’s like you disappear from their lives and appear there only when your conscience starts eating you or you’re going through a breakup.
This is a great example of how an unhealthy attachment to a person changes your life. You focus on the girl and forget about everyone else. Try to separate yourself from her: you are not one whole; you are two personalities, each of which has its own life, social circle, and hobbies. You should be able to have a good time with each other and apart. Meet with your family and friends more often and do those hobbies you liked before meeting the girl.
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4. You are jealous of the person for other people
It would help if you worried that your attachment is unhealthy even when you have selfish feelings. You can perceive the person as your property, consider yourself special and give yourself privileges, and be jealous of your friend or girlfriend for other people. Sometimes your jealousy can be shocking— you start to get angry even when your loved one is talking to his friends or family without you.
You begin to think that another person’s life should revolve around you and that he has no moral right to share his time and attention with someone other than you. The sooner you realize that your infatuation is toxic to a person, the more likely you will be able to change your behavior and save your relationship. Because no self-respecting person will tolerate such sick jealousy in their direction, despite the selfish feelings, try to think about what the person feels when you restrict her freedom.
Such jealousy often manifests itself in you if you are very fixated on one person and have no idea what to do in the moments of her absence. You are ready to give him all your attention and are offended that she has his own social life. Instead of accusing a person of communicating with relatives and friends, remember that you also have people who need your presence. Try to meet your friends more often, visit your parents, spend time with those who are interesting to you.