What happens when you finally stop living for others’ Approval

The constant desire to please others takes too much energy, destroys personal boundaries and prevents you from living in harmony with yourself. In this article, we look at where the need to please everyone comes from and how to give it up without feeling guilt and fear.

Why does the habit of pleasing everyone appear?

Most often, an unhealthy habit is formed at an early age as a kind of way to survive in an environment in which adult approval is the main condition for safety. The habit of pleasing others in everything can be formed against the background of fear of rejection. To avoid conflict and loneliness, a person chooses the least path of resistance: agrees, takes on unnecessary responsibility, and remains silent when he want to object. At the same time, tension, fatigue, and a feeling that he is not really being seen accumulate inside him.

The desire to please increases if a person has low self-esteem. Since one’s own value is not felt from the inside, one has to constantly confirm it from the outside: through praise, gratitude, recognition. In this state, the opinion of others becomes more important than one’s own well-being. It drains and deprives stability. Finally, the desire to please everyone may be the result of an unconscious fear of loneliness.

When relationships are perceived as fragile and conditional, there is a desire to keep them at all costs. But the paradox is that constant pleasing does not strengthen intimacy, but, on the contrary, erases personality. And it is at this point that it becomes especially important to understand where the unhealthy need comes from and how to regain the right to be real.

5 things that happen when you stop pleasing everyone

1. You will become calmer and get rid of the inner noise

When you stop worrying about how others perceive you, the internal dialogue will become calmer. Background anxiety and doubts will stop bothering you, and the desire to be perfect will disappear. Your mind will be free, stress will decrease, and you will finally be able to focus on reality.

2. You will stop being ashamed of yourself

Because you’re trying to please everyone, you develop chronic stress. With it comes an excessive fear of criticism, shame for yourself, your emotions, and your words. But once you realize that you don’t have to like everyone, it becomes easier to communicate with others. When you focus on yourself and your interests, you’ll attract people who can not only talk, but also listen.

3. You’ll start sleeping better

Constant thoughts about how you look in the eyes of others are exhausting and cause internal tension that interferes with sleep. Refusing to please reduces the level of anxiety and, consequently, improves the quality of rest. As a result, you not only become stronger, but also get the opportunity to live a longer and healthier life.

4. You will feel comfortable staying silent

When you stop living for the sake of others’ reactions, there will be no need to occupy all the space by yourself, break the silence with meaningless conversations, and try to be interesting. Allowing yourself to be yourself, observe, and enjoy your own space will dramatically change your life.

5. You will stop feeling guilty and anxious because of other people’s emotions

The desire to please everyone could have formed your habit of apologizing for other people’s reactions and actions. When you give up this habit and start choosing yourself, reality will become more pleasant. At the same time, you will get rid of unnecessary emotional burden and begin to establish healthy boundaries in your relationship.

How to stop pleasing everyone

You need to understand that giving up the habit of pleasing everyone in one second will not work. The process of getting back in touch with yourself and your needs can take several months. To launch it, you need to start asking yourself more often: “Am I doing this now out of desire or out of fear of being inconvenient?”This observation alone will help to stop acting automatically.

It is equally important to learn how to pause before agreeing to something. The next time someone asks you for something, don’t answer right away; say, “I need to think about it.”This simple phrase gives you time to listen to yourself and understand whether consent is related to the desire to avoid awkwardness, guilt, or someone else’s disappointment. The next step is to work with borders. You have to realize that rejection does not require excuses and lengthy explanations. And the more calmly you say “no”, the faster others get used to the new rules of communication with you.

It is also useful to review the attitudes that support the desire to please everyone. Thoughts like “I will be loved only if I am useful”, “Conflict is bad”, and “Other people’s emotions are more important than mine.” Replacing these phrases with healthier ones is a process that requires patience. And finally, you have to allow yourself to be disliked by everyone around you. When you do this, there will be those who appreciate you not for your willingness to sacrifice yourself, but just like that.