Why men hurt more than women after a breakup

The end of a relationship is never easy for couples. Men are hurt; women hurt when the familiar feeling of happiness is suddenly ripped away from them because of a split

Even when the breakup anticipates, the grieving process often takes place. A British study stated that men suffer more lasting pain from breakups than women. The question that follows is: why is this so? How and why do men suffer more when they are the ones who usually seem to get out of relationships faster and often without pain?

However, according to an editorial posted on Independent Ireland in 2017, it is not so controlling to say that men struggle more after a breakup than women because “emotionally, [men] often react poorly to significant life changes.

Also, [men’s] methods of coping with changing circumstances are not always helpful. A 2015 survey by Men’s Health magazine confirms this claim. The survey directors found that going to the pub was the best way to “get over” a breakup.

One of the causes why men suffer – the refusal to face what happened and accept the reality. “Men have grown up with the ‘men don’t cry’ attitude, and even though men may handle things differently, that doesn’t mean they don’t feel the same pain and hurt as women,” says Dublin-based counselor and psychotherapist Elaine Hanlon.

“So for generations, men have been taught to suppress that pain and hurt and ‘be a man,’ which doesn’t leave much room for vulnerability.”

On the other hand, women are generally more comfortable finding a shoulder to cry on and get it all out. “Women tend to rely less on their significant other for emotional support – they usually have a wider circle of friends and rely on their family in a way that most men don’t,” Hanlon says.

This goes some way to account for why they come to grips with reality and find the real strength to close one chapter indeed and move on to the next more quickly. Women don’t experience as much suffering as men after a split because they often decide to break up more rapidly than men.

“Studies specify that more women than men are the initiators of marriage breakups today,” Hanlon adds. It means that women have more time to anticipate upcoming events in love. They start preparing early for the results of a partner’s separation.

By the time they have done with that phase, the man can start his. Therefore, men need to start dealing with breakups more expressively and healthily than pretending not to care about the split.

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