Unfortunately, no matter how good a friend or boyfriend you are, this does not guarantee anything. People don’t always treat you the same way you treat them. Even if you always come to the rescue, listen to a person, take care of him – there is a great risk that your kindness will be used, and you will be perceived as a backup option.
You need to be very careful, getting closer in any relationship. In order for you not to drop your self-esteem and not waste time and effort, these are several signs that you are a fallback option.
1. They see you only when you have a request
If someone calls you, writes to you, or makes an appointment with you only if a person needs something from you – your advice or help – you are the backup option. After all, your friend spends his free time with someone else and remembers about you only when you can be useful to him.
Not to be mistaken in your conclusions will help this: try several times to offer a person a joint leisure or at least once to refuse him a request for help. His reactions will be very revealing.
2. You are not offered anything in return for your support
In any healthy relationship between people, whether friendly or romantic, help and support come from both sides. If you do something good to a person— he finds an opportunity to repay you in the same way.
When you play the role of a backup option, which is used only for selfish purposes, the time and effort invested by you never come back to you. No matter how much you help a person, if you get into trouble, you will have to deal with your problems without his participation.
3. They don’t make joint plans with you
You can offer a person options for spending time together, but he will refuse every time, finding new ridiculous excuses or merging at the last moment, often even without warning.
All because they don’t want to make plans with you. You are needed only when a person is bored or has problems that you can solve. In other situations, you are an extra element in his life.
4. You are not introduced to close people
If a person pretends that you are close, but does not introduce you to his family and friends, even if you periodically cross paths – bad news. You are not in such a trusting relationship, and you are not regarded as a guy or a good friend.
People are happy to introduce those with whom they plan to continue communicating to their circle. If, instead of getting to know your loved ones, they try to hide you from them — break ties with such a person.
5. They are not interested in your life
You are not asked about how that most important working meeting went, you are never asked about your well-being, problems, or your opinion. Sometimes you get the impression that a person is ready to talk only about himself, and he just doesn’t care about what is happening in your life.
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So, stop looking for excuses for such behavior. Don’t you think it’s really like that – you’re just not so important to a person that he listens to your stories.
6. News of a person’s life from other people or by accident
When people take you seriously and make communication with you a priority, you will be one of the first to learn about all the news from a person’s life. If you are a backup option, then it is not necessary to spend time and effort on you. You learn about some events in a person’s life either by chance from conversations or from other people.
If this happens periodically and you realize how much is left unsaid in your relationship – stop wasting your resources on someone who does not appreciate you.
7. They flirt with you but decline your respond
If a girl flirts with you, compliments you, but as soon as you start responding to her in the same way, she shifts the topic of conversation or ends the conversation – this is a wake-up call.
She keeps the situation under her control and does not give your relationship the opportunity to move to the next level. Most likely, a person needs something from you, and in order to achieve this, he decides to give you hope.
If you want to figure out what’s going on between you – the next time you notice the same maneuver on the part of a girl, let her know that you noticed this oddity and directly ask her why she does it.
8. They don’t talk to you about your relationship
How easy it is to understand that you are a backup option for a girl — you have never discussed your relationship and, in general, what is going on between you. You can spend a lot of time together, flirt, or even have sex, but with all this, you have not discussed whether you are dating or not. Moreover, the girl reacts negatively to all your attempts to start a dialogue about this and immediately translates the topic.
9. You don’t have an emotional connection
Emotional connection is important in both friendly and romantic relationships. If you just talk about abstract topics, you can hardly be called close people.
Ask yourself: do you know something about how a person’s childhood passed, what personal problems he has, what he dreams about. An honest answer to these questions can give you an idea of how much a person really lets you into his life.
10. Your emotions devalue
When you say that you missed him, the person replies that you have seen each other quite recently and too little time has passed. When you talk about your problems, they tell you that you are dramatizing and fixating on the negative.
And it’s always like this – you only have to hint that you are also a living person who feels feelings, needs support, and wants a little attention, as you will surely be criticized and condemned. You deserve a better attitude – learn to end such meaningless interaction.