How to stop being too nice without turning into a scoundrel

You may get tired of being a nice guy because it brings significant inconvenience. But I also don’t want to cross the line, after which you will become an unscrupulous monster. There is a way to stop being too nice without acting like a scoundrel. Here are a few things that need to be done to fix this.

8 ways to stop being too nice without turning into a scoundrel

1. Help only when you are asked to do so

Helping without asking, including providing unsolicited advice, is a classic example of excessive kindness. You can habitually treat other people as weak, fragile, and dependent on you. And it makes you rush to solve their problems, even if it interferes with your plans and needs. So, to stop being nice and maintain good relations with those dear to you, you should not help until asked.

Please don’t insist on doing someone a favor; stop advising because the other person has voiced their problem. Wait until you’re directly asked for help. But even after you hear about it, consider whether a person can handle the problem independently and if you can teach him something to do it. Sometimes, the best way to help is to encourage someone else to solve their problems.

2. Show everything you feel when it comes to emotions

Good guys usually show two emotions: calmness and happiness. But by stopping there, you reinforce the image of a nice person, and you also harm your mental health. You get angry, sad, apathetic, and stressed like others. Visit. A F R I N I K .C O M . For the full article. Revealing how you feel won’t make you “bad,” On the contrary, it will help you remove your mask and be the way you are. Of course, you shouldn’t burden everyone you meet with your problems as if they were your therapist.

Just try to be more honest when expressing your emotions. There is nothing wrong with telling the other person that you disagree with them or saying that some topic of conversation annoys you. To take the manifestation of emotions to the extreme is also not worth it. Practice talking about your feelings calmly, to the point, and without embellishment. And remember: if someone reacts badly to the fact that you have certain emotions, you are communicating with the wrong person.

3. Express your disagreement respectfully

You may seem too nice to others because you agree with everything they say. Being overly helpful may be a way to please others or avoid conflict, but it doesn’t do you any good. It’s time to learn to talk about what’s on your mind, even if it contradicts someone else’s opinion. Let’s note an important detail: to not turn from a nice guy into a scoundrel, you need to express your point of view respectfully.

This means that you don’t have to foam at the mouth to prove your case or try to teach everyone around you “how to live.” It’s better to note that you look at some things differently or can’t agree with the statement you’ve heard. And sometimes, it’s necessary to keep silent, shaking your head, rather than agreeing with someone or opposing them. This is also a kind of respect — not to obstruct, but also not to consent to other people’s words.

4. Show your interest directly

Cute guys are notorious for hiding their true feelings for other people. However, telling someone you like them is not so bad – you would not mind hearing it from a girl or colleague. You don’t need to show others compliments and flattery to express your interest, but you shouldn’t “crumple” either. You can be direct and open about a person’s place in your soul. Tell your friends what you like about them, celebrate the achievements of your colleagues, and thank your girlfriend for what she does for you — believe me, it’s worth it. Set a goal for yourself — to make sure people know how you feel about them and not guess.

5. Take care of your needs first

Self-sacrifice may seem noble to you because you are a sweet and kind person. But this is a lie that we often tell ourselves. As a rule, only toxic people want you to sacrifice yourself for them. But real friends and those who are confident in themselves will be against this idea. It’s time to stop putting other people’s needs above your own. Before you start going out of your way and making yourself uncomfortable for someone, stop and think: why are you doing this? And it’s also worth remembering one simple truth: if you don’t have the energy and motivation to improve your life, you’re unlikely to be able to make anyone else happy.

6. Be persistent, but not aggressive

You can stand up for yourself without hurting others. Being persistent means not tolerating what you don’t like, and being aggressive means responding to bad things with bad ones. Stop using the reluctance to be aggressive as an excuse to give up being assertive and being persistent means pushing away things you dislike and harming you. Yet, being assertive means you don’t need to force other people to change; you simply demand that they stop certain actions and build personal boundaries.

For example, if your boss asks you to do something that is not in your work contract, tactfully refuse him instead of taking on an overwhelming burden. And if a girl finds fault with you, ask her to stop and explain exactly what she doesn’t like and why. If someone does not respect your persistence (provided that you are sure you were not aggressive), it is worth considering whether this person is needed in your life.

7. Don’t make unnecessary promises

It’s easy to control other people’s feelings by encouraging them. Words can be calming, especially if they add up to a promise that helps make others happy. But if you want to stop pleasing everyone and be too nice, it’s time to rethink your approach to life. Stop making promises to others because it will help avoid conflict or make them happy. Especially if you’re not sure, you can keep your word. Either do what they ask or refuse, clearly explaining your answer. There is nothing wrong with living up to your values without giving others unnecessary hope.

8. Get away from people you don’t like

If you’re a nice guy, your environment has some toxic characters. It’s time to review your social circle and decide who to say goodbye to. This does not mean you need to abandon everyone in your life — you must raise your standards. Sit down and think about the best people you want around you, not just those who show interest in you. What should they be like? How should they treat you?

Make a list of possible criteria by which you consider a person suitable for communication. Values, respect, respect for boundaries — all this must be written down on paper. Then think about which of your friends doesn’t match what you wrote. Maybe it’s time to cut ties with them and look for someone who can improve your life.