Sometimes, when you like this or that person or your communication with him, you can go against yourself and common sense. Instead of getting close to him and strengthening your relationship, you decide to push him away. You will not wean yourself from this habit until you understand what it is connected with. There may be several reasons why you do this.
1. You are scared of rejection and betrayal
If you broke your heart in a past relationship, it would most likely change your behavior in the present. You will become much more careful and do not want to surrender to your feelings again completely. No matter what you do, you will be haunted by the fear that you will be hurt again, and you will experience the same emotions: shame, disappointment, and a feeling of loneliness.
Trying to avoid this, your brain will form such a logical chain in your head: you confess to a person that you feel, and after this decision, you suffer. Over time, relationships, in principle, can be associated with something negative. You will not see the pros, but you will begin to concentrate on the cons alone, which will not necessarily arise in your case. It will be easier for you to keep a person at a distance without starting to get close to him.
2. You’re concerned that your freedom will be restricted as a result of the relationship
You might fall in love with a lady but refuse to ask her out or even ignore her because you’re afraid of losing your freedom. You will have to make some sacrifices in your life if you are in a romantic relationship. You might overthink such things and believe that a female takes away your sense of freedom.
Perhaps you once had an unpleasant experience – your ex could be a very jealous person, control your every step, forbid you to communicate with certain people. But you have to understand one thing: everyone is different. Instead of pushing away those you like, try to get close to the girl and immediately discuss the important things. It may turn out that she has a similar vision of the world and relationships, and then you will not have to make any sacrifices for love.
3. You don’t believe that you can be loved with all your imperfections
When you have strong feelings for a person, you want to believe that they are mutual. But because of low self-esteem or bad experiences in the past, you may doubt that you deserve anyone’s love. You can worry too much about your shortcomings, come up with reasons why you are not good enough for a person, try to change for him, etc. No matter what you do, that fear persists, and you start to push away someone you like or need.
It hits hard on your already killed self-esteem. Instead of letting a person decide for himself whether you are right for him or not, you decide everything for him, and automatically not in your favor. Until you work on your self-confidence, the situation is unlikely to change significantly.
4. You’re concerned that expressing your emotions may make you look weak
Once upon a time, your feelings could be laughed at: you could face condemnation, misunderstanding, or even bullying for your emotions and actions. This happens quite often – when you miss someone or tell how much you are attached to a person, others easily devalue what is dear to you. And instead of sending such people to hell, you can sincerely begin to believe that you are weak and overly emotional.
If all this is familiar to you, you are likely pushing away those you love and need because you are ashamed of your feelings. In an attempt to hide them as deeply as possible, you maintain the image of a callous person and close yourself off from others. Of course, it’s easier for you to pretend that you don’t care about everyone than to endure constant ridicule and reproaches.
5. You need constant reassurance
You may be the one person who is not enough just to communicate well with a person. Instead of being satisfied with being kind to yourself, you want constant reassurance that you are really important to others. Of course, people quickly get tired of your doubts, repeated questions, and artificially created situations that should prove something to you. You become toxic in communication and push them away or disappear from their lives without getting what you want from others.
6. You have no idea what you need from a person or from a relationship with him
It also happens like this: you seem to like a person, but you don’t understand whether you need to communicate with him or not. You don’t know why you are drawn to him: are you in love, do you want a relationship, do you see a hidden benefit for yourself, or are you looking for someone to talk to? Lack of understanding immobilizes you – you continue to stagnate, afraid to make a mistake in your decision and, to the last, not wanting to get close to a person.
7. You have no idea how to set and maintain personal boundaries
If you do not know how to set personal boundaries, any close relationships with people will limit your freedom and cause you inconvenience. A person can put pressure on you, decide for the two of you, manipulate you, touch on topics you would not like to discuss, extort certain information from you, etc.
Personal boundaries are your protection against vulnerability, a line that no one should cross. When they are not there, you understand that you will not be able to siege a person in time to react to his words and actions. It’s easier for you not to get close to people at all and feel comfortable than to endure disrespectful treatment.
8. You set too high expectations for others
If you like to jump to conclusions, think for a person, and guess how he can act in a given situation, you often encounter disappointments. People are much more complex than you think – you can’t predict their decisions. Your expectations about them are not justified, and you, not wanting to put up with the fact that others do not play by your rules, push them away from you. And you can do this even with those people you need.