What to do when you get unpleasant comments from your partner

Words can leave a big imprint on the soul, and it’s a shame if it turns out to be negative. This happens when you hear unflattering comments about your appearance, actions, goals, or dreams. It’s even more insulting when your beloved partner gives them to you. But why would she do that? The root of the problem is often the desire to change you and the intention to offend you, or maybe she didn’t mean to offend you at all — she said what she thought, but it still brought a lot of pain. You shouldn’t just tolerate unpleasant comments from a partner, especially if you don’t want her behavior to become a habit. It’s important to let her know that her behavior is hurting you—here are a few ways to do it.

6 things to do when you get unpleasant comments from your partner

1. Learn to distinguish healthy conflict from unproductive criticism

It happens that we perceive absolutely all comments from a partner as unproductive and offensive. However, learning to distinguish overly critical phrases from the healthy conflict that benefits the relationship is essential. For example, a partner may say that she is tired of your habit of putting a pile of things on a chair. She notes: “Why don’t you put things away? Maybe you’ll put them in the closet after all?”

This is an example of a healthy manifestation of a conflict of interest, which should be reacted to calmly. Also, it would help if you reconsidered your habits regarding storing clothes. Unpleasant comments that reflect unproductive criticism are always a blow below the belt. In the abovementioned situation, a partner might say, “Didn’t they teach you to be neat? Why are you so lazy and distracted? It feels like you could live in a hovel; you don’t care that much!” Admit it, this phrase strikes a chord, no matter how neat and disciplined you are.

Such a comment is not aimed at voicing the problem but at shedding light on your shortcomings while at the same time making you feel vulnerable and not good enough. It would be best not to let a partner get away with this because a relationship should have respect. What should I do in such cases?

2. Talk about it

The first thing to do after you learn to distinguish “bad” comments from those that reflect a healthy conflict is to talk to a partner. Visit . A F R I N I K . C O M . For the full article. An open and honest dialogue will let her know what things are unpleasant to you. Maybe she doesn’t realize that her comments hurt you and will try to change her behavior so that she doesn’t hurt you anymore. Be sure to talk about your feelings without turning to accusations and retaliatory criticism.

For example, say: “I am very offended when you compare me with my friend, and not in my favor. When you do that, I feel humiliated, not motivated to get better.” By saying this, you create a safe space for dialogue to work on communicating together. But if a partner doesn’t want to hear you, pretends she doesn’t understand your words, or continues to stand her ground, it’s worth doing something else.

3. Set the boundaries

Set clear boundaries about which comments are acceptable and which cross the line. Communicate this persistently while remaining calm and emphasizing the importance of mutual respect in a relationship. If a partner loves you, she will listen to you and try to comment on something in a less unpleasant tone. And if she doesn’t care what you say, it’s worth considering: maybe her feelings aren’t so sincere.

4. Stop making excuses

Starting to justify yourself after you receive a negative comment from a partner, you involuntarily tell her: “Yes, you’re right.” If you want to stop the flow of unpleasant phrases, you must take responsibility for your actions more often and not hesitate to admit that each had a particular motive. For example, You asked the partner if she could meet you over the weekend, and she said no.

After learning about this, you arranged to see your best friend. Suddenly, the partner told you she was unhappy with your idea, did not like your boyfriend, and would like you to spend time at home. By making excuses that she doesn’t know your friend too well and that he’s a great person or saying that you haven’t seen each other for a long time and aren’t planning anything terrible, you encourage her to give even more negative comments about it.

Learning to defend your position concisely and without excuses is essential. For example, you can say: “I understand that you don’t like him, but I made an appointment with him, and I can decide who I communicate with and who I don’t. I respect your friends and time and ask the same of you.”

5. Use a sense of humor

One of the best ways to respond to an unpleasant comment is to make a joke. It helps to defuse the situation and show that he didn’t hurt you. But you have to admit that constantly using humor is also exhausting. Suppose a partner does not understand her inappropriate behavior and allows herself to do so repeatedly. In that case, it’s worth considering why she does it and whether it must be tolerated.

6. Ask for an explanation

Imagine hearing a partner’s comment, “You’re being stupid.” Of course, you can immediately take offense at her and end the conversation, but this will not help clarify the situation. Ask her in more detail what behavior she considers stupid and why. She may explain precisely what she doesn’t like, and you can analyze whether she is right. And if a girl constantly evades the answer or says phrases like “Don’t you know yourself?” or “Do you want to quarrel with me?”, it’s worth reconsidering your relationship.