Men often make the same mistake when meeting a partner. Instead of getting to know her better and letting her know what kind of person you are, they try to impress a new acquaintance in any way they can. Namely, they carefully select every word in a conversation, try to appear more successful, more confident, more relaxed than they really are, and actively engage in self-presentation.
Thus, almost every date is an anxious one for the guy; it feels like you are taking an important exam you can’t fail. Conversations become unnatural; the partner begins to feel that you are playing a role, and at some point, her interest naturally fades. Here’s another interesting fact: it’s often after you abandon this strategy and start behaving more calmly that the partner suddenly perks up and gives you much more attention. Today we will look at the reasons for this.
7 ways you stop seeking approval: Why attraction sometimes grows
1. Communication becomes more natural
As soon as you stop constantly thinking about how to please a partner, your attention shifts from you to your interlocutor. That is, you begin to show more attention to her, ask her what you are interested in, tell her something about yourself, enjoy your communication, and so on. You don’t get hung up on how you look in her eyes or how you behave. It is at such moments that people begin to feel calmer and more comfortable around each other. The conversation itself becomes more lively, as spontaneous jokes, natural reactions, and sincere emotions begin to slip through it.
2. The feeling of pressure disappears from communication
Your desire to please a partner almost always becomes obvious to her. And it shows up not in the words you say to her, but in the way you behave. Your tension gives you away: waiting for the partner’s reaction, staring at her, trying to figure out if she’s impressed with you. When you don’t set yourself the task of winning someone’s sympathy, you get rid of excessive tension. Of course, you may still feel a little stressed and worried about how the meeting will go. Visit. A F R I N I K . C O M .C O M. For the full article. But at the same time, communication will not be perceived by you as a severe test that you need to pass with a positive result, having achieved the partner’s favor.
3. The partner starts to see the real you
As long as you’re trying to match what you think is your ideal image, the girl doesn’t see or understand the real you. Yes, what you show can be attractive. But almost always at such moments, after admiration, a feeling comes over the girl that something is wrong. First of all, this is due to the fact that to maintain the image, you have to overly control your every step and every word, and this is noticeable from the outside. Your real qualities, habits, and interests become apparent only when you relax. The partner begins to understand what kind of sense of humor you have, what views on life, what you are passionate about, and what you are ready to talk about for hours. These details help her put together a holistic image of you and come to the conclusion whether she wants to continue communicating with you.
4. You are demonstrating inner self-sufficiency
Your desperate desire to please may be perceived by a partner as a signal that your self-esteem is unstable. Even if you feel quite confident in other areas of life, which is confirmed by real facts. She will notice how much you worry about her reactions, how eager you are for her approval. Conversely, if you calmly accept the fact that someone might not like you, you look much more confident in yourself. You don’t try to earn praise; you don’t change your mind about anything if you disagree with the girl’s opinion; you’re not afraid to open up to the other person and just be yourself. The inner self-sufficiency that you show at such moments makes you more attractive in the eyes of your new acquaintance.
5. The conversation turns into a dialogue, not a speech
Another obvious disadvantage on a date is one-sided communication. When you try to impress a partner, you tell her a lot of unusual stories, demonstrate your knowledge, share your achievements, and try to be witty. But all this rarely makes a conversation interesting for the two of you. In communication, it is important not only to talk, but also to listen. As soon as you give up constant self-presentation, there is a space in the conversation for sharing stories, thoughts, and feelings. The partner engages in a full-fledged dialogue, finally leaving the role of a passive listener.
6. You stop seeming predictable
When all your words and actions are primarily aimed at pleasing a partner, your behavior becomes quite predictable. You constantly agree with everything, avoid topics that could be controversial, and try to speak as carefully as possible; in fact, you give up your individuality to achieve a goal. It doesn’t lead to anything good: communication is boring and monotonous, and you lose the opportunity to really get close to a partner. If you stop being guided solely by the desire to impress your interlocutor, you will begin to open up. This, in turn, will make the conversation lively and emotional, and help the partner see an interesting and multifaceted personality in front of her.
7. You start behaving consistently
Attempts to show a partner only from the best sides often lead to a banal mistake: contradictions in your behavior. Today you can agree with her on anything, tomorrow, if she asks you about your position, you can express the exact opposite opinion. By hiding your real views, habits, or interests to maintain sympathy, you’re only burying yourself even deeper. Refusing to win over a partner will make your behavior more consistent. You won’t adjust to anyone, but you’ll start saying and doing what you really want to do. And this will give the partner more confidence than the habit of agreeing with her on everything.
