We can quarrel with partners and feel anger, which often makes us say things that we later regret. But when our partner’s anger is a problem, the relationship becomes unhealthy. And the more we indulge and adjust to our emotionally unstable partner, the worse life around him becomes. Here’s how to tell if your partner isn’t just having a bad day but is having real anger issues.
His emotions often change
Today he showered you with gifts and compliments, and tomorrow he says that you are the worst person he has ever met. Changing emotions often is one of the signs that your partner is having anger problems.
People see the world as black and white without intermediate tones and experience corresponding feelings. They are either good or bad, reflected in the attitude towards loved ones. This greatly complicates the relationship because their partners constantly experience “emotional swings”. These emotions do not strengthen the relationship and, in the end, are often the cause of the breakup.
He apologizes but doesn’t want to change
Apologizing is the key to a healthy relationship and a way to let your partner know that we knew what we were wrong about. After an apology, actions are taken to ensure that this does not happen again. This promotes trust between partners as well as improved relationships.
People who cannot control their anger apologize but never try to change. They can sincerely regret offending their partners but not getting their behavior off the ground. If you perceive your partner’s apology as empty and meaningless, this is one of the signs that he may be having anger problems.
Emotionally neglects you
People with anger problems manifest it differently: they roll up scandals, provoke conflicts, shout and smash dishes. A less obvious sign, however, is emotional neglect. They may stop caring and be supportive at the right time for you or stop communicating with you every day, even if they have done so before.
Also, often such people refuse to talk with partners after a quarrel. This can be seen as a form of punishment or a way to get away from an unpleasant conversation. Coldness, detachment – the same sign of anger and the frequent manifestation of strong negative emotions, and should not be ignored.
Always quick to judge
If you suspect your partner is having anger issues, take the time to reflect on your feelings in the relationship. Pay attention to how he behaves: encourages and supports or constantly finds ways to point out your mistakes or imperfections.
People who have anger issues tend to judge others and those close to them quickly. You put on a new dress – your partner makes a sarcastic comment. The film that you watched in the evening turned out to be unsuccessful – you will hear the claim that it was your choice, and you do not know about cinema.
If what you do is never enough, it could mean that your partner is indeed having anger issues. He will constantly try to change everything in you that he does not like, set “high standards” for living with him, and criticize your choice.
Remembers and reminds of your mistakes
When we feel angry, and at the same time quarrel with a loved one, we can say something that we did not plan. But if you notice that almost all of your fights end with reminders of your past mistakes, this is a clear sign that your partner is having an unhealthy relationship with anger.
For example, you fight over whether to host on the weekend or not. He will remember what you said at the party a year ago. He will remind you how you brought home flowers to which he was allergic. Or about spending money on holiday food six months ago.
Fights like this happen when a partner with anger issues tries their best to “push” past mistakes on you, to make you feel guilty and helpless.
Controls and limits you
If your partner has anger issues, they will want to control and restrict you in many aspects of life. For example, to force you to stop communicating with friends that he does not like, or to revise your wardrobe, because your things cause negative thoughts and emotions in him.
A person with anger problems may isolate us from those around us. He wants to make you completely dependent on his opinions and feelings about which he speaks. This is often presented under the guise of wanting to improve you and your life, but in reality, it only says of anger issues and unhealthy relationships.
If your partner is a good manipulator, it often speaks of anger issues.
Manipulation manifests itself in different ways. For example, he always makes you feel guilty and positions himself in the role of a victim. Or he will behave in such a way that you think you have problems, not him.
If you invite such a person to attend an anger work class, they will refuse and accuse you of making this up for yourself. If you try to contradict him, he will prove that you are hurting him and hurting his feelings when the opposite is true.
Makes you feel unworthy of him
Some things should not be said to partners not to offend them. But partners with anger issues don’t think so.
Your partner may make you feel that you are not worthy of him. For example, he says that you are very lucky to be next to you because others would hardly like you. Or he finds many reasons to point out to you that it is thanks to him that you have succeeded in your life.
People with anger issues always find words that elevate them in their own eyes at the expense of humiliating partners. They show that their love, care, or good deeds are a favor that their partner should deserve.
He scolds you
If your partner constantly hurts you by scolding you, he may say bad things behind your back.
For example, telling your family that you are a bad wife. Or convince your friends that you don’t know how to keep secrets. He might even tell your boss that you did it for no good reason the day you took sick leave.
He can make you leave
For a partner with anger problems, loved ones become a “punching bag” to take out his emotions and injuries. At the same time, he does not think about how you feel at this moment. He is not interested in anything except his feelings and desires.
Therefore, often the angry partner can force us to leave. He can explain this by saying that he cannot bear our tears or that it will be better that way. He does not care if we have somewhere to go, the weather outside, or the time of day. Thus, he manipulates and emphasizes his power over us.