Healthy relationships with people around you are built on the “give and take” principle. Unfortunately, not everyone is ready to stick to it. Some people are used to taking all good deeds for granted and manipulating loved ones. You can become a victim of their manipulation without realizing it.
They communicate with you only when you are useful
If your communication with a person consists of constant requests for help on his part, then this is a good reason to think about whether you are being used. It is clear that in any relationship, people now and then exchange knowledge, experience, advice and try to provide all possible support.
But here, it is important to pay attention to how often you have dialogues or meetings for no reason and whether there are any at all. If any message from a person begins with the words “Can you help?”… Stop letting other people use you.
They try to make you feel guilty
You are probably familiar with the following situation: a person asks you for something, and when you refuse, he begins to put pressure on pity and make you feel guilty. He can remind you of your duty, claim that no one except you can help him, make a reference to other similar situations, increase the degree of emotions.
Of course, most people will give up after such manipulations, they will agree to whatever they are asked for, and besides, they will rush to apologize, which only plays into the hands of the supplicant. If you notice that a person regularly tries to make you feel guilty, chances are they are using you, and they do it in a very sophisticated way.
They only demand of you, giving nothing in return
There are people who believe that everyone owes them. Children must provide for them; they must be promoted at work, relatives must sacrifice their comfort and shelter them in their apartment, neighbors must help with repairs for free, and so on.
Such people do not know how to ask; they can only demand, and often rudely. In addition, they are not ready to give anything in return. When asked for a reciprocal service, they quickly merge, find important things to do, complain about their health, or feign regret that they do not have the required level of knowledge and experience in any issue.
If the person who constantly asks you for a favor never comes to your aid, ignores your hints, and comes up with excuses every time you have something planned, then think better if it’s worth holding on to such an unreliable acquaintance. Stop wasting your energy and time on a person who does not appreciate it and who is not ready to answer you kindly for good.
You are never appreciated
You try for a person; you always come to his aid, solve his problems, provide the necessary support, and do not even receive thanks in the form of “Thank you.” It looks like you’re not doing anything out of the ordinary and just doing your duty.
You and your efforts are taken for granted, but at the same time, if a person condescends and does at least something good for you, he will demand from you a bunch of thanks, recognition, and beautiful words. It would help if you didn’t stay close to those who devalue everything you do for them.
You have to do what the other person wants
Suppose in your relationship with a relative, friend, or girlfriend, your opinion is never taken into account or stubbornly ignored, rejected using a bunch of dubious arguments.
In that case, there is a high probability that you are being used. Joint plans are suddenly canceled at the last moment; they spend time with you only when there are no other things to do; you leave the house when he wants it and do what he wants. At the same time, you must adjust your free time to it and push your desires into the background.
You are only treated kindly when something is needed from you
They constantly joke at you, mock you, ignore you, and this happens exactly until the moment when something is not needed from you. In this case, the person immediately changes beyond recognition, becomes polite, apologizes for his behavior, and gives you hope that from now on, everything will be different.
It is worth giving up illusions and admitting to yourself that they communicate so well with you solely because you can be useful. And as soon as you fulfill what is required of you, everything will return to normal.
You are being labelled
If another person is constantly trying to impose his vision of the world on you, instill certain norms, divide everything into “right” and “wrong,” be careful – usually, those who want to make you more comfortable for communication do this.
Having instilled in your attitudes, a person gains power over you, understands how you can be manipulated. The saddest thing is that such manipulation is extremely difficult to recognize. You risk being ignorant for many years, sincerely believing that you are guided only by your principles when making decisions.
You are constantly under pressure
If in a relationship with someone: it doesn’t matter whether it is a relative, a friend or your girlfriend, you have the feeling that they are constantly trying to educate you, they are pressing on you, they scold you, justifying your actions with care and a wish for a better life, then it’s time for you to think about that this is not normal.
Most likely, the person is simply building their authority, trying to use you and show you who is in charge in your relationship. Of course, if he takes a leading position, it will be easier for him to control you and your actions.
Too many compliments and praises are released in your direction
It’s clear: every person is pleased to hear compliments addressed to him. From this, you instantly become kind, imbued with confidence in the person, and, in general, begin to treat him more attentively and condescendingly. But when there are too many compliments and praise, this may indicate that they want something from us.
For example, your colleague may admire your skill and professionalism and ask you to help him with a project. You are unlikely to refuse the one who gave you so many positive emotions, and you will take his responsibility upon yourself.
How to prevent yourself from being used
You can protect yourself from manipulation by the people around you by following only three basic tips.
Learn to say no
The ability to refuse and do it confidently, without excuses or apologies, allows the manipulator to make it clear that he should not try to press on pity, appeal to a sense of duty, or waste his and your time on meaningless praise and compliments. If you can learn to say no, you will never allow others to use you.
Ask for a return service
When a person constantly asks you for help, ask him for return service without offering anything in return. Most people will immediately evaporate when they hear about it. A person who uses you will not be ready to become your debtor. Such people seek one-way help, believing that they do not have to pay back in kind.
Don’t let anyone influence your decisions
Without consulting family, friends, colleagues, and acquaintances, make all important decisions alone. Don’t let them pressure you, question your knowledge and experience, criticize you, and justify it with care and love. Let the people around you respect your decisions and do not interfere with them.