There must be a solution if there is a problem, as a rule. Many challenges of varying degrees of complexity exist in a man-woman relationship, and the union’s strength is determined by the capacity to deal with them. Worst of all, when the issues don’t seem to be. Not because they are minor, but because the rules of coexistence established in our brains make us feel that some of the issues are a normal and necessary part of life. They are the most harmful here simply because they are undervalued. We’ve compiled a list of common relationship habits that many couples mistake for healthy and normal but are damaging and destructive.
Resentments for the past
You missed congratulating her on your first anniversary five years ago, and she constantly reminds you of it at every chance. There are various reasons why one of the partners may feel upset by the other. It is not crucial, but the fact that this resentment then becomes a core in all of your relationships and, at the most inopportune time, is used as an extra point in a disagreement.
Old grudges may be used to manipulate a relationship, which is why it’s harmful. People begin to appeal to the past instead of seeking a solution to each new disagreement, complicating the problem. In the end, if both parties collect complaints, there would be no place in their discussions for anything other than mutual claims.
Resolve issues as soon as possible and don’t revisit them. If you had a cause for the dispute many years ago but still kept the relationship going, then both of you let go of the problem at that time. So, what’s the purpose of bringing it up again?
Manifestation of passive aggression
Rather than being straightforward about what he wants or doesn’t want, one partner hides his unhappiness using hints, subtle gestures, or an unpleasant tone.
Apart from the desire to make your spouse feel guilty, there’s nothing positive about this conduct.
Always express your concerns clearly and freely. Even if your spouse isn’t at fault for the situation, he’ll be able to provide you with support and advice.
Taking the relationship on a ride
For personal advantage, speculating about the worth of a connection. In this scenario, blackmail is used to prevent the expression of any concern, no matter how little. If a female says, “I feel like you’re chilly with me,” the man can respond, “Well, if you believe I’m cold, we’d best go.”
Emotional guesswork like this leads to unneeded turmoil. Consequently, rather than resolving small conflicts, they will go to a dead end. Partners will eventually be unable to express their dissatisfaction. The negativity in the relationship will only worsen as a result of this.
There’s nothing wrong with sometimes resenting your lover. This demonstrates your care for him. You have to see the distinction: being connected to someone and constantly liking them is not the same. And the first scene demonstrates that a person may get enraged with a spouse at any moment. Only close friends and family members may give each other feedback, and only in this way can a robust and healthy connection be maintained.
Resentment of your lover as a result of your negative mood
Imagine you’ve had a really difficult day at work. You were sad when you got home and wanted to solicit the help of your girlfriend. However, it soon becomes clear that she has already promised to meet with her pals. You voice your anger with her when you hear of this since your goals differ from hers. On the other hand, her behavior did not correspond to your emotional condition.
Taking offense at your spouse because of your unpleasant feelings is a sign of selfishness and a breach of personal boundaries. Codependent tendencies emerge when one of you establishes a precedent that one partner is accountable for the feelings and emotions of the other at any time (even when you are not together). None of you can now manage your time and desires without a mutual agreement.
You should take responsibility for your feelings rather than expecting your spouse to do so. There’s a big difference between helping someone out and owing them money. Any sacrifice should seem to be voluntary rather than forced. When both partners start blaming each other for their unpleasant emotions, they will feel compelled to suppress their genuine sentiments, which will lead to mutual manipulation.
Jealousy for any cause (important or not); when one of the spouses becomes irritated by a single anonymous phone call, message, or street greeting. This gives you complete control over your partner in the future: you may review his messages, phone history, contacts, and so on.
What’s more hazardous is when such conduct is justified by tremendous love, implying that it has a right to exist. Excessive jealousy causes unneeded strain in a relationship and signals a lack of trust in your spouse.
Have faith in your partner. Yes, it seems to be a straightforward and extreme choice, but it is the only proper one. Furthermore, what basis do you have for your decision if you don’t trust your partner? In moderation, jealousy is perfectly normal. When it goes beyond that, though, you display a lack of self-esteem. You’ll wind up driving the individual away if you don’t learn to control your strong envy.
Buy off relationship problems
Instead of settling a significant disagreement, you attempt to make things right with an extravagant present.
Consider a scenario where a man buys his girlfriend’s relationship issues by buying her costly presents or inviting her someplace. This method of problem-solving may have two negative implications. To acquire a new gift, the girl will be motivated to take offense at him as frequently as possible. In turn, the person will learn to entirely relieve himself of responsibility for his actions, knowing that he can always pay him off.
It’s simple: talk about it if you have an issue. And, if you’re to blame, accept responsibility so that it doesn’t happen again. Giving your girlfriend presents is a wonderful idea, but do it after the issue has been resolved, not in place of it.