How to deal with your fear of commitment in a relationship
You can be anyone – from a simple office clerk to a formidable Viking. But whoever you are, your self-confidence and attachment to an ordinary and comfortable lifestyle can be shattered in front of an extraordinary woman who could potentially drag you into the routine of endless relationships. And if you still want a relationship, but you are afraid of something, you can find a way out of this situation.
Find freedom in relationships
To begin with, discard the prejudices that a woman will limit you in everything and control you endlessly. There are few of them now, and who needs you. Finding freedom doesn’t mean you have to hammer your girlfriend and do whatever you want to do. However, it would help if you did not indulge all the whims. There is no need to worry that if you do not do everything as it is convenient for her and as she said, then they will leave you and stop loving you.
The same goes for control. It is a mistake to think that if you give up the slack, they will sit on your neck. This judgment is not always true. Instead of worrying about all these little things that you will be controlled and infringed in everything, think that a normal relationship is a commitment to yourself, not to someone else. You can also pay attention to this, and you will notice that this kind of thinking will make you feel like a normal and self-sufficient person.
Be open and honest
If you need a break, take a break. It is completely natural and normal when everyone has their personal affairs, interests, and entertainment. But that doesn’t mean you have to run and hide. If you’re worried about commitment, then you’re the type of person who needs to keep your distance from time to time.
But keep in mind: keeping your distance is keeping your distance, not sleeping with other girls. Therefore, the best thing in such a situation is, to be honest, and speak directly about your ailments – that you need to be alone sometimes and everything that comes with it. After all, the longer you pull with maximum intimacy, the longer she will take care of herself and not turn into you know who she is.
Learn to be emotionally competent
Naturally, in order to control yourself, your emotions, and your girlfriend, you need to understand what kind of person you are and what you are. Whether you are closed, open, hyperactive, or low-emotional, in any case, only after clarifying this point can any action be taken.
Thus, if you are a closed and modest individual who consistently skips his stop because he is too embarrassed to ask the driver to do so, what are your chances of receiving notice or, worse, a claim?
But unfortunately, if you want to do everything beautifully and set up the relationship in a good way, you will have to make an effort on yourself. It is clear that this is not easy, and, in general, emotions are far from the brightest part in a man, but in a relationship, as in many other aspects of life, you will have to work a little.
Don’t be shy about advice
If nothing helps you, then you probably have friends who were in a similar situation. If not, look for friends who at least met or just saw the girl. A sober look from the side is often a lifeline that will pull you out of the swamp of your doubts and worries. If there are no friends, try to conclude alone, especially since now there is a bunch of literature and all kinds of articles on absolutely any topic, including this one.
Talking to a professional such as a counselor or psychotherapist can also help. Of course, this hardly makes sense in our reality – they are not particularly popular with us. But you can turn to them if you have a lot of money, time and you are in a relationship.
Don’t be afraid to lose yourself
It’s okay what you’re going through. Short affairs are always accessible, fun, and inexpensive. And then you have to go on a date again, and again, and again … Then, God forbid, she will move to you, and there it is like a snowball – nothing can stop her.
Just don’t take all this as a kind of captivity and restriction of freedoms. Many people start living together and build families for a reason (although most of them get divorced later, you are not like everyone else, so you shouldn’t worry too much). Moreover, a girl can always bring something cool into your life.