How to protect your self-respect during conflict

Conflicts between people flare up imperceptibly. A few minutes ago, there was a normal conversation, but suddenly it was as if someone was pulling a switch; the tones were rising, the words were becoming sharper. Self-control recedes, logic and arguments are replaced by sophistry, often not even realized. At such moments, the truth ceases to play a significant role; victory and establishing one’s own position become paramount. The nature of conflicts is usually extremely simple: We are afraid of appearing weak, cowardly, or stupid.

Therefore, we raise our banners and rush into battle, regardless of the consequences. The challenge has been thrown, so it is necessary to give a decisive answer. Later, examining the ruins of a relationship, you can find out that the trophies you receive do not pay for the losses you have suffered, even if you nominally won.

6 ways to protect your self-respect during conflict

1. Unnecessary conflict

A person makes the first mistake exactly at the moment when he enters into an initially unnecessary conflict. Of course, in the heat of battle, when emotions overshadow reason, it is difficult or even impossible to give an adequate assessment of what is happening. You were hurt in some way, but you seemed to respond appropriately. The other side considered the reaction excessive, the degree increased, and the tangle became entangled. In this state, the probability of losing increases, and there are two ways to do it.

On the one hand, if you do not dare to use the most powerful weapon in the form of public secrets, you will not become a person, you will not spread unverified rumors, and you risk becoming a victim of dirty play yourself. On the other hand, if you use your entire arsenal, you can overdo it. Then you will feel the meaning of the expression “Pyrrhic victory.” The defeat of your opponent will be obvious to everyone (as well as your moral character). People love scandals, and friction in any team arouses interest.

However, there are also forbidden, socially reprehensible methods. The majority considers it unacceptable to purposefully humiliate the personality and dignity of an opponent. That is why it is better to avoid unnecessary conflicts. Perhaps you are the initiator, although you don’t notice it. Having decided that a fight is inevitable, first of all, stifle all emotions except empathy. Compassion will point out the lines that should not be crossed so as not to lose face.

2. Don’t respond to provocations

The concept of “paying back the coin” looks reasonable, but it does not always lead to the desired result. Especially in cases where you need to perform unusual actions. It would not be superfluous to recall other wisdom here. Surely your parents asked if you would jump out the window if everyone else did that? Obviously not. Therefore, during the conflict, one should be guided by one’s own moral principles. When you hear direct insults directed at you, don’t look for even more primitive insults to respond to.

Feeling that you are being provoked, driven to emotions, try to stifle the rage in yourself. This does not mean at all that you need to listen in silence with an intelligent look. But it is a reasonable approach that will allow us to find an elegant way out. Make no mistake: your calmness will infuriate your opponent much more than the loudest obscenities. It is necessary to endure the first volleys of the enemy; very soon, his arsenal will run out, then it will become clear where the front is exposed, where the most effective blows can be delivered.

3. Don’t try to defeat the aggressor

It is impossible to convince the initiator of the conflict that he is wrong, at least not in the current moment. Perhaps later, in a day or a week, a conversation in calm tones will be useful. Now the skirmish is permanent; it can last at least the whole evening. The result will be a feeling of mental fatigue and indifference to what is happening. At some point, you will feel that you have wasted so much energy, so it would be good to be a winner by this time. If both of you are unequivocally right (each for himself), then who will determine the winner? The witnesses, the people around them — in many ways, the performance was arranged for them.

Both sides of the conflict assert themselves in front of someone, rather than seeking the truth. This means that you need to work for the public from the very beginning. The easiest way to win the sympathy of observers is through humor. Try not to ridicule and humiliate your opponent, but to reduce his arguments to absurdity. Just a few successful counterattacks will win over the audience’s sympathies. People love good jokes, and they love laughing their heads off.

4. Don’t be dramatic

Never seek the support of others by exposing yourself as a victim. The attacks may well be unfair, but once you get involved in a conflict, forget about all the mitigating circumstances. Surely there will be someone with a heightened sense of justice, perhaps even step in or at least show sympathy later. However, most would consider such appeals to be a sign of weakness. The weak are sometimes pitied, but do not take their side.

It is better to lose a conflict in a strong position than to come out of it miserable. In the first case, you will have a chance for revenge if history repeats itself. Visit. A F R I N I K . C O M . For the full article. In the second case, you will get an image that will be almost impossible to get rid of later.

5. Insist on consistency

Having entered into an argument, keep the central line, the main cause of the conflict. Insist on discussing specifics, certain actions, events, and statements. Don’t try to keep up with your opponent, who jumps from topic to topic. Moreover, take it as a sign of weakness, a lack of argument. This is how a person tries to hide from impending defeat. Otherwise, with strong cards, he wouldn’t have changed the rules of the game.

By sticking to a single line, you get two advantages at once. First, you reduce the potential duration of the conflict. It is impossible to endlessly discuss something that fits into a minute-long dialogue. Secondly, you demonstrate confidence in your own rightness and willingness to consider the raised topic. But only her, because the rest is not so important right now.

6. Find the right moment to exit

In the course of any interpersonal conflict, the last word is extremely important. If the phrase turns out to be sharp enough, everyone will remember it, including the opponent and, of course, the witnesses. It is important to note the appropriate moment here, when both sides have already said enough, and the dispute is obviously stalling on the spot. Some beautiful philosophical dictum will make the greatest impression. However, a “kid quote” flavored with irony is also suitable.

It all depends on the context and the mood of others. After making the final lunge, leave. Not necessarily physically, just decide for yourself that the topic is completely closed for today. Otherwise, using the right moment and all the beautiful words will be devalued. After all, it turns out that the conflict has not been settled and even flares up with renewed vigor.