Some of the most controlling persons are so talented at what they do that their words and actions may fool you into believing they care about your well-being, but that is the opposite. Outside observers rarely see the most common signs of a controlling person. Even if you know the toxic person’s emotionally abusive characteristics, staying away from them may be incredibly difficult if you are in a controlling relationship or friendship.
A person with a controlling personality often has other problems such as narcissism, sociopathic tendencies, stubbornness, and codependency. It would help if you did not let these negative qualities get to you. Controlling personalities are often very self-centered and immature. They are often a burden to you and prevent you from living a fulfilled life because they live near you. If you want to live your own life without this controlling person interfering with you, you have to recognize that they have a problem and not you.
No one should control another, especially in a relationship. So keeping an eye out for these cues from a controlling person can keep you in a healthy and happy relationship.
10 signs of a controlling person
1. They turn everything into a transaction
Controlling people aren’t necessarily selfish, but they’re also not usually sympathetic. Empathy for them usually occurs in the form of strategic compromises to acquire what they desire. They tend to see interpersonal connections as transactional chances to extract more value from those around them, which may be draining for those they deal with.
For example, a controlling person’s insistence on “keeping score” might be a red flag. This might include doing nice things for you to subsequently ask for anything in exchange for what you believed was simply a random act of kindness or friendly support.
Expectations that are unattainable. If you don’t instinctively know they want anything from you, they may shower you with praise (also known as a “love bomb”) or presents and then explode on you. We can’t read people’s thoughts, but controlling people act and think as if everyone else should, and those who don’t line up are penalized for not answering their questions.
A controlling person may also threaten to stop supporting you if you disagree with their demands, but they do it subtly that the guilt they create blinds you to their actions.
2. They are manipulative
Control and manipulation go hand in hand. Manipulation alone is a more subtle version. It uses reverse psychology to make you think you’re making your own choices when they’re really manipulating you.
Through guilt, anger, fear, no matter what, they will convince you to do what they want.
3. You get nervous to tell them things
When someone exerts control, something abruptly can turn them off. Not only do you want to avoid an argument, but you don’t have to give them a reason to want to control you even more.
So if you’ve got a promotion, a job offers far away or even been invited to an event, and you’re worried instead of excited to tell this person, they’re checking you out.
4. They push their own agendas
Do you know someone who constantly tries to control words, actions, and attitudes? Actively seeks information about your location, your activities, who you communicate to online, and other personal details from you. Does this person control talks, lead ideas in their preferred path, dismiss others’ opinions, and refuse to work with anybody who could disagree with them? To get the latest stories, install our app here
If you replied “yes” to any of the above questions, you are dealing with a controlling person. Controlling persons cannot even accept opposing opinions, much alone cooperate joyfully with them. These people love to be the captain of every ship, regardless of how much it hurts them personally, and they have a toolbox of manipulative methods at their disposal if someone stands in their way.
Controlling people may continually force you to satisfy their expectations, follow their timetable, and concentrate on their priorities. These individuals behave as though the world revolves around them, which may be tiring for their family, friends, and coworkers.
5. They isolate you socially
Social isolation from victims is a favorite tactic of controlling narcissists because it effectively prevents individuals from realizing how badly their spouse, family member, or friend treats them. Consider this: if you don’t speak to many people, you’re less likely to expose their abusive habits.
Not having healthy alternative avenues of contact and interpersonal support makes it difficult to break up with someone who is socially isolated.
This doesn’t happen overnight, nor is it clearly identifiable as abusive. Initially, this may sound sensible, such as requesting you to cease often discussing big social or political concerns with family members. People who are socially isolated may recommend taking others out of your life – particularly if they don’t like them, regardless of how you feel – or even bringing up major concerns like “it’s them or me” to save you from people they hate for any reason.
In a controlling person’s life story, he is always the hero. You or others in your life are constantly blamed. The more they isolate you from your other friends and family, the more likely you feel they are correct and that you “don’t need” them when you have someone as great.
6. They can be emotionally or physically rude
Rudeness just serves to propagate rudeness. Furthermore, the act of being unpleasant or being the target of rude conduct may have a negative impact on productivity, emotions, and general health.
When someone checks on you, it isn’t always discreetly noticeable. It has the potential to be both emotionally and physically harmful. As soon as this person begins to speak to or make you feel horrible about yourself, get advice and support from a trusted friend or family member before leaving.
7. They criticize everything
Controlling people are quick to criticize everything, even the seemingly little details. Like many toxic behaviors in relationships, these issues start off modest and go unnoticed. Initially, you may even agree with their critics or at least understand their point of view.
Criticism tends to become more severe, continuous, and perplexing for persons in controlling relationships. It’s virtually always other-centered, and manipulative persons can make any excuse appear reasonable. You’ll notice they seldom critique their actions.
8. They sway when someone criticizes them
What goes around comes around. But not for toxic and controlling persons. They like to criticize without having to take criticism.
If your friend continually criticizes your looks while ignoring your feelings yet ignores you if you criticize theirs, they may have untreated hidden controlling tendencies. Remember that these people don’t merely control their actions. They actively strive to control every area of their life, including how others see them. To get the latest stories, install our app here
Their rejection sensitivity melancholy does not relieve them of the consequences of their words and actions. They may strike out at even the slightest criticism to gain control, leaving others around them tired or afraid to speak out again. They should get professional help to handle criticism properly.
9. They expect you to trust them
Along with others who do not trust you, they want you to put your faith in them without reservation. When they do something improper or strange, and you confront them about it, they get defensive. After that, flip it around.
If the people in control believe they are being controlled, they will be unable to maintain their ground. Even if you only ask them a question, they may see your actions as an assault.
10. They have no boundaries
Someone who has complete control knows no bounds. A stable relationship might be difficult at times, but you and your partner will be there for one another when the going gets rough. A controlling partner, when you are going through a difficult time, instead of making it easier for you, makes it more difficult for you.
Whatever your needs are, whether you need frequent check-ins from you when you are very busy or need their help more than ever, a checking person will check in on you at all times, even in the most difficult situations.