Things from the past that are worth discussing with your partner and which are not

Talking about your past with a partner can be very difficult. I feel bothered when you are afraid to say too much or accidentally reveal information that can upset and disappoint you. But still, you should keep such conversations, as they help to achieve understanding and intimacy in a relationship. Knowing which things are worth discussing with a partner and which are better tactfully kept silent.

4 things from the past that are worth discussing with your partner

1. Conflict styles

Talk to the partner about the conflicts you have experienced most often and how you used to solve them. You can tell us about both positive and negative aspects. What is it for? By discussing quarrels and ways to resolve them, as well as things that you find unacceptable during a conflict of interest, you discuss your expectations in a relationship and set personal boundaries.

For example, you can tell a partner that your family often had scandals with shouting and accusations, as well as sharp and sharp criticism, and this experience was unpleasant for you, so you think that in any quarrel, you need to speak calmly and look for a compromise. Talking about past conflicts can help avoid unpleasant encounters in the present and make them less annoying.

2. The reasons for the breakup of relationships

Talking about exes may be less pleasant for you and your partner. However, it’s worth talking about why your previous relationship ended. You may have encountered infidelity, lies, or other things that made you break up with your ex—talking about them will help the girl understand what you will never tolerate.

In addition, if you were to blame for the breakup, you must admit it and take responsibility for your actions. This will show that you are ready to develop and become better and also want to avoid making the same mistakes as before. Visit. A F R I N I K . C O M .Talking about the reasons for the breakups of past relationships can affect what your new romantic relationship turns out to be and how long it will last.

3. What would you do differently

After reflecting on the past, it is worth discussing with the girl the moments you want to change. Yes, this is a conversation about regrets and failures, but it does not show weakness—on the contrary, it makes it clear that you are learning the right lessons and striving to become a better person.

For example, you would show more tact and patience when communicating with someone or pay more attention to people who are important to you. Sometimes, talking about changes that, unfortunately, can no longer be made pushes couples to positive changes available in the present and improve the quality of life.

4. What worked and what didn’t

Sometimes, when we choose girls or friends, we think that some of their features will be wonderful, but this turns out to be untrue. For example, suppose you are an extrovert and have tried to build relationships with introverts. In that case, you have noticed that such a difference sooner or later becomes the cause of problems and misunderstandings.

Or your ex was an avid athlete, and you don’t like going to the gym seven days a week and prefer other physical activities. Talking about this with a girl is essential to understanding your compatibility and whether you can find common ground on issues where your opinions differ.

What not to talk about with your partner

1. The identity of your exes

It is unnecessary to make discussing past relationships too personal, for example, to name your exes, talk in colors about their achievements, or scold them for nothing. This can make your partner jealous, doubt that you’ve let go of a past relationship, or doubt you, especially when you slip into complaining and gossiping.

Make conversations about exes impersonal, without critical evaluation and the smallest details. For example, you can use the phrase “In previous relationships, I had conflicts about finances, and it upset me” instead of “She spent all my money on nonsense, did not hear me, and just used me.”

2. Actions that undermine your authority

We have all committed meanness at least once or said words for which we were humiliated. If there are moments in your past that discussing can undermine your authority or show you are not a very good person, it is worth keeping silent about them, especially if you changed your behavior a long time ago and don’t repeat the mistakes you’ve made.

3. Missed opportunities

Talking about missed opportunities is filled with negativity and does not bring benefits because what happened in the past cannot be changed. It easily flows into complaints about life that few people like to listen to. In addition, he forces you to indulge in unpleasant memories and involve a girl in them who does not deserve additional stress and unpleasant emotions.

4. The number of partners

Many guys fall into a stupor when they hear the question of how many partners they’ve had. Refrain from starting such a conversation yourself, and be very careful with your answer regarding the number of your former partners. Choose a low number, and do not spread the word about casual relationships so the partner does not feel uncomfortable.