Why complaining about life is bad and how to get over it

No person in the world would ever complain about anything. Everyone has bad days, unfulfilled expectations, and a series of annoying failures. However, there is a difference between quietly muttering to yourself with a bit of self-irony and a continuous stream of complaints addressed to an external listener.

For some people, the role of the complainer becomes second nature. Then, even a close friend or relative becomes a less-than-welcome guest.

Why do people complain

First, let’s examine the causes of complaints about life. They can be divided into two large groups: psychological and emotional. No one intentionally tries to create a negative image for themselves.

However, this is often how complainants are perceived. At first, you are ready to listen, give advice, or show sympathy, but it begins to tire over time. It feels like you’re being taken advantage of, which is partly true.

Get sympathy

Most often, a person complains to friends or relatives to get sympathy. The unpleasant feeling of disappointment that poisons life requires confirmation of significance. I want to ensure this is not just a whim but a tragedy. This is why opinions are collected from the outside. Of course, close people are always somewhat biased and ready to play along.

A knowing look, a heavy sigh, a kind word—these are how they express support and try to help. The result turns out to be the opposite. The complainant did not need support and help—he sought and found confirmation of the deplorability of his situation.

To attract attention

A complaint is an easy way to attract attention, to become the center of the world or at least a separate company for a while. The problem becomes common at such moments, and some of the most empathetic people even perceive it as personal. Visit A F R I N I K . C O M This is how the desire to be seen and heard turns into spreading negativity and imposing your problems on others.

Search for changes

Some complaints are explained by the thirst for significant and preferably quick changes. Acute topics are being raised concerning global problems that no one can solve: social stratification, climate change, an indifferent society, and corrupt politicians.

In this case, the causes of complaints have a noble beginning but remain only a reason for endless disputes. In addition, hiding personal flaws like laziness, low qualifications, and indecision behind global injustice is very convenient.

Just a habit

Sometimes, people complain out of habit, choosing personal problems as a topic for everyday conversation. It is a conversation about yourself, built according to specific rules. The complainer takes a dominant position, defining the framework and tone.

The interlocutor is forced to consider this, avoiding sharp topics and unacceptable jokes. At the same time, the complaining person is free to change the rules at any time, counting on complete understanding from the outside.

When complaints are useful

Not all complaints are negative and spoil the atmosphere at home or within the company. Some are useful if they remain moderate and have a constructive character.

Each of us is dissatisfied with something. It is impossible to keep dissatisfaction or resentment inside indefinitely. This emotion requires an outlet and may well count on a lively response.

For example, complaining about toxic relationships within the work team, a poorly functioning communication system, or other annoying factors will force management to look at the problem seriously, especially if the complainer has supporters.

Moreover, a person will no longer be perceived as a whiner; on the contrary, he will become a revolutionary hero who acts in the common interests.

Simply put, the complaint can be legitimate and well-founded. In this case, it cannot be hidden. Timely complaints are made to try to solve problems as they arrive. This prevents the accumulation of misunderstandings, softens resentments, and makes relationships healthier. In the end, complaining opens a person up to compromise.

How do you understand that you complain too much?

A person usually does not realize that he turns any communication into a stream of complaints and dissatisfaction with everything around him. This affects personal well-being. On the one hand, it makes you see the world in dark colors.

On the other hand, it repels others who have had enough of their problems. Therefore, it is vital to notice signs indicating that you are overly dramatic. First, it is worth paying attention to the general background after talking with you. The interlocutor’s anxious, worried, or exhausted eyes are a terrible indicator.

Perhaps you are poisoning your own life and someone else’s. If you change your approach, communication will continue sooner or later. Maybe some friends and relatives have already noticeably distanced themselves, although there is no apparent reason.

You didn’t offend anyone, and you don’t hold back the money you borrowed. However, conversations consist of monosyllabic phrases and the interlocutors look detached. This is how fatigue manifests itself, an attempt to hide from your complaints.

It is also worth looking inside and assessing morale. The tendency to complain makes one a pessimist who does not appreciate what one has. Ingratitude closes many doors, hides opportunities, and negates prospects.

This happens when problems are only discussed, but no action is taken. There seems to be no way out of the all-encompassing darkness; a “self-fulfilling prediction” occurs. Finally, the most obvious sign is when others directly say you complain too much. This causes a sharp reaction because you are offered something completely different instead of sympathy and understanding.

How to pull yourself together

Some replacement is required to eliminate unnecessary complaints. This should be expressed in thoughts, words, and actions. If the problem is accurate, you should focus on the options for solving it. Replace the desire to receive sympathy with the search for advice.

Express your opinion and describe the actions you are going to take. People love to advise, and they certainly will not refuse this. Let the sunlight shine into the darkness. Indeed, your life doesn’t consist of anything but disappointments and failures.

There are also positive moments — remember them more often and create new reasons. Focusing on your strengths increases self-esteem. Some things work out well, so you’re not a loser. Limit the influx of negativity from the outside.

Perhaps you are a victim of the complainer yourself, so you have adopted a habit or copied a way of thinking and do not understand how you have become less pleasant. Look for inspiration—there are no universal examples here.

It is enough for one to be in nature, another to find a moral boost in art, and the third to defeat negativity with the help of sports. There will be a suitable way for you too. You can approach from the other side. Formulate complaints in advance, striving for brevity and, at the same time, capacity.

Most of them will disappear, as they will turn out to be something insignificant or completely far-fetched. Find a source of satisfaction and joy in your life; then, there will be no time for complaining. All attention will switch to much more positive things.