“I am a loser.” “If I don’t succeed, it will be a complete failure.” “It won’t work for me because it’s always like this with me.” “They probably think I’m nothing.” These and similar thoughts must have been spinning in the head of every person. But rarely did anyone think that they are often the reason for our failures and not what caused them.
But where do such gloomy thoughts come from in your bright head? In most cases, the point is in psychological attitudes – a kind of mini-programs in your brain that work in the background and over and over again take control of your behavior, thoughts, and psycho-emotional state.
Installation for a disaster
For some reason, you are undoubtedly sure that something unpleasant is bound to happen to you. Unpleasant so much that you cannot cope with it. Or that because of this, your life will go somewhere wrong. And everything that you have done for many years will turn to ash.
Of course, no one is immune from various unpleasant situations. But there is a way how you can not worry about it. Remove the words “nightmare” or “disaster” from your vocabulary. Stop dramatizing. Look at the future from positions that are closer to reality. Nobody bothers you to prepare for the most unfavorable outcomes. It is even better if in your head you have, albeit not completely ready, but some action plan. The main thing is to exaggerate less.
Setting to predict
All people think about their future in one way or another. And they often undertake to make predictions. As a rule, primarily negative. With this attitude, you are unconsciously and at the same time consciously programming yourself to fail. It is somewhat similar to the first, but there is a difference.
It consists of the fact that in the previous case, the failure may result from external factors, but here – only your actions. Plus, you can get rid of this attitude as follows: think over all the factors that can affect the course of further actions and how you can influence them. And stop underestimating yourself.
Attitude towards generalization
Many tend to conclude, often biased, based on one episode of their life. Indeed there was a moment when you failed in doing something the first time, and you immediately calmly dropped your hands. You have tried again and again and again. Of these three attempts, two failed, and one was more or less bearable. Based on these episodes, you draw one universal conclusion: I always fail. But once something happened, but you chose to forget about it successfully.
If you don’t do anything with this setting, you’re not far from the previous one. So listen: try to pay attention to each case separately. And then white spots will appear in your black stripe. And do not forget to play your fiasco in your head, promising yourself to try again.
Attitude for perfectionism
Of course, trying to make everything perfect is good and commendable. And try to jump above your head – too. But do not deliberately drive yourself (and at the same time others) into this framework. After all, as you know, the framework fetters movement.
From early childhood, the mindset for perfectionism is instilled in us: “You must study with only A’s” or “You must earn a gold medal.” And everything is in the same spirit. In children, this attitude is also called an excellent student’s syndrome. But think that someday there will come a moment when you will not be able to do your job for all 100. Because of this, you will not be able to save another N number of nerve cells, and there are not many of them.
Therefore, try to get rid of it in the following way: set for yourself, so to speak, a lower threshold for doing your job well and start from it, gradually improving the skill, but not bringing it to one hundred percent result. And then they can sit on the neck, demanding to repeat when you can no longer.
Each of us, probably, at least once thought that we would not mind being able to read the thoughts of other people. Then I thought about it again and gave up this ability. But the installation remained in my head. The attitude to think for others and draw conclusions, as a rule, about oneself. As soon as someone looks at you, you immediately begin to look for something wrong in yourself, but this look may not mean anything at all.
Therefore, first of all, stop “reading” other people’s thoughts. It is harmful. And secondly, do not hesitate to ask questions. If you did not understand something in a conversation with a person, clarify, and do not think it out yourself. And you will get rid of this bad habit.