7 consequences of hiding your grudge against your partner
A grudge in a relationship can be compared to an invisible wall. At first, partners are ready to hide their irritation, but bricks of discontent build up on top of each other over time, moving companions away from each other. Some even begin to think that their lover is not an expensive person but a roommate.
It is important to immediately give your partner a sign that you are offended by him: otherwise, there will be unpleasant consequences. Let’s figure out which one.
You will dwell on old problems
Psychologist notes that offended people who have kept silent about their discontent for a long time often remember old incidents, and they do it for no reason. They may be discussing dinner last night with their partner and suddenly remember meeting their ex during brunch 3 years ago.
Offended people do this not out of malice. They deal with retraumatization – repetitive pain due to untreated trauma. It is difficult for them to keep an offense to themselves, but at the same time, they do not speak out for certain reasons. Discontent builds up, forcing you to dwell on the same thought.
You will start to doubt your partner
Grudge is often associated with regret. People who have kept silent about their feelings for a long time, it seems that the relationship, in principle, was not worth starting. In this case, offended partners often regret staying with a companion instead of accepting an offer from employers in another city.
Research results, published in Scientific Reports in 2017, show that long-term resentment leads to dissatisfaction with relationships and dissatisfaction with life in general.
Your conversations will get more intense
This consequence flows smoothly from dwelling on one problem. Often people who take offense at a partner, but do not tell him about it directly, become passive-aggressive. They try to hurt a person in response but do it in a civilized way.
According to a 2011 study, this tactic is usually adopted by those who try to avoid unpleasant conversations at all costs. Passive-aggressive people do not want to solve the problem and prefer to pretend that it does not exist. Unfortunately for them, this decision leads to their relationship with partners becoming more and more strained.
Relationships will start to feel like a vicious circle
A less successful companion will feel that he is to blame for the drop in his income, and against this background, the resentment of the one who bears the main expenses will grow.
The guilt of one feeds the resentment of the other, and the circle cannot be broken if the partners do not discuss the situation. According to a 2017 study, companions who could accept their feelings and talk about them soon forged relationships. Those who tried to get away from unpleasant thoughts were less successful in this regard.
It will start to seem to you that the situation is hopeless
An offended person who does not talk about how he feels constantly traumatizes himself with unpleasant memories. This leads to learned helplessness – a state in which it seems that nothing will get rid of the discontent.
People susceptible to such thoughts often tend to think that they will either have to endure the discomfort further or leave. Sometimes such situations happen: for example if a person made his partner understand that he was uncomfortable and ignored the complaints. It is completely different when the offended companion silently eats himself.
Will want complete obedience on the part of a partner
Sometimes silently indignant people begin to think that the companion always owes them something. Some go further, expecting the full return from the partner and the willingness to help in any business. Their attitude towards a person can be characterized by “from a torn sheep, even a tuft of wool.”
However, the partner may not even guess that he offended a loved one and not guess his momentary desires: after all, people are not psychics.
You will decide that you are neither heard nor understood
Another reason is associated with the desire to be understood without further ado. An offended person uses passive aggression for a reason: in this way, he covertly shows that he is dissatisfied with the relationship. He probably expects his partner to immediately understand where he went wrong and what he did wrong.
He naturally does not understand why the companion is angry, and the offended person, seeing that his hints are not being paid attention, becomes even more closed in himself. This threatens the estrangement of partners and even separation.