Good intentions do not always lead to the result you hope for. You have probably been in a situation more than once when your sincere desire to help a person led to feelings of guilt and disappointment in yourself.
Instead of thanking you for your time and effort, the people around you only splashed negativity on you. This can happen both because of your mistakes in wanting to help and the wrong attitude of the person to help or misunderstanding that has arisen between you. Below are several reasons why your desire to do a good deed turns against you.
The person begins to take help for granted and is offended when you do not offer it
No matter how sad it may sound, once you help a person a couple of times, he will not have an incentive to solve his problems on his own. Why do it when others can do everything instead of him? And when other people, for some reason, do not show that very desire to participate in his life, a person begins to splash out his negativity. He feels offended and abandoned, left alone with his problems.
He’s not getting offers of help from you, probably because you’re busy with your life or you can’t provide the support you need, which is completely normal. You are doing the right thing by putting yourself first, but you are so accustomed to your indifference that they consider it their due.
The person doesn’t need your help
Sometimes you can go too far in your desire to help. Even if you are sure that a person needs your intervention in a situation, it is better to clarify once again whether this is so. It may turn out that he is only experiencing temporary difficulties but is ready to move forward and solve his problems on his own.
Do not be the same person who tries to help everyone without asking. It may be too intrusive and out of place. Or maybe a person will wait for help from someone else, or he will want to wait and develop a new plan of action. In general, control yourself, they don’t do good by force.
You think you know better than the person you’re trying to help
If you decide to help a person, be ready to do what he asks you, and not vice versa. Listen to his words, wishes, advice, and criticism. Still, you are trying to solve his problem, which means that it is he who is in charge of the process. Remember: less self-will, learn to find a compromise. And if you are not satisfied with this state of affairs, it is better to give up the idea of helping.
You do not understand the essence of the problem at the proper level
One of the possible reasons why you remain guilty while helping others is that you simply do not understand someone else’s problem as well as it is necessary. You cannot know and be able to do everything. Therefore, in some things, you will still be considered an amateur.
If a person needs help in solving a specific problem, and you do not have the necessary experience, do not try to climb with your advice and do not interfere in the process itself. You can only make it worse, and with your persistence, you will only piss the person off.
Help only when you can confidently call yourself an expert in any issue. In this case, your help will be really valuable.
You are trying to help in order to improve your reputation
The people around you are not idiots – they see when you want to help sincerely, and when you do it for the sake of your reputation. By creating the appearance of participation in solving the problem, you only interfere with those who are really interested in the process. Not only is there no tangible help from you, moreover, you rather drag everyone down, making obvious mistakes due to inattention, distracting others, without thinking about what results from your actions will bring.
Naturally, in this scenario, you will be considered guilty if something goes wrong. Do not offer your help simply out of courtesy, and do not rely on your actions to benefit your reputation in the eyes of others.
You don’t finish what you start
If you undertake to help a person, then be determined to work hard to the end. No one needs your participation if you plan to “merge” somewhere in the middle of the path. Either you invest your resources in solving the problem, or you don’t get into it at all.
Otherwise, you can strongly substitute a person who will rely on you. Don’t be surprised if you’re left to blame for his failure later.
The person shifts responsibility for the result onto you
It also happens that you honestly tried to do everything possible to help a person, but initially, there were few chances, so all your efforts were not justified. Of course, you are not to blame for the failure, especially since you were not responsible for the result. No matter how you help others, they must understand that your actions are only auxiliary, and the main part of the work lies with them.
But people are different, and it is much easier for some to shift the responsibility for something that did not work out for them. Just be careful when faced with such a situation once, and think twice before offering to help the person again.