When patterns repeat: Reasons relationships keep failing

Some people are lucky enough to meet their own person almost immediately, the one with whom they want to build a life together. Most people travel a long way before this fateful meeting takes place. But some consider themselves chronic losers in building romantic relationships. If you consider yourself one of them, don’t rush to give up on yourself, assume that there are no worthy partners around you, or blame circumstances for everything.

In practice, such a problem is often caused by one or more factors: stable internal attitudes that you don’t realize, habitual patterns of behavior, and hasty decisions. In this article, we’ll explain why your relationship can come to a standstill over and over again, even if you try hard.

9 reasons you’re chronically unlucky in a relationship

1. You’re in a hurry to choose a partner

If you have a strong desire to be in a relationship, you can give in to haste. The desire to make up your mind faster, feel stable in your personal life, and close the need for intimacy pushes you to make quick decisions. As a result, you can enter into a relationship with a partner without fully understanding yourself and who is really in front of you. Rushing into such a matter prevents you from seeing how much you agree on communication style, values, attitude to personal boundaries, goals for the future, and so on. You give in to your primary attraction and interest and figure out if you are really compatible in practice.

2. You choose a partner according to the patterns that are familiar to you

Even if your past relationships have brought a lot of pain and disappointment, you can still continue to choose a similar partner. In most cases, this happens unconsciously: you are attracted to a familiar type, similar behavior, and the usual dynamics of your communication. You know roughly what to expect from a partner, and it creates a sense of intimacy. However, this feeling quickly dissipates, leaving you disappointed in your relationship. Until you notice this recurring scenario, you will choose a girl according to your usual patterns and face the same result.

3. You’re confusing strong emotions with real intimacy

Communication with a partner can begin with sharp and strong emotions, alternating with ups and downs. They are often perceived as a sign of emotional intimacy development. In reality, you can call love an emotional swing. A real, deep connection is built calmly, as it is based on mutual respect and gradual rapprochement. Visit. A F R I N I K . C O M. For the full article. If you don’t feel any interest when communicating with a partner without drama and intense emotions, you can subconsciously choose those who will create that very instability.

4. You don’t fully understand what you want from a relationship

When you don’t fully understand why you need a relationship at all and what you want from it, you have nothing to rely on when choosing potential partners. You don’t know what values, aspirations, and qualities in a partner are important to you, so you don’t have any filter that would screen out the unsuitable ones. In a situation where your choice becomes random, you have almost no chance of being satisfied. In addition, without a clear understanding of what you want, you risk adapting to the other person’s desires or agreeing to a relationship format that doesn’t really suit you. So first of all, make sure that you really understand yourself and your desires.

5. You’re afraid of loneliness

The fear of being left alone is a common reason why people are desperate to find at least some kind of relationship, staying with those who don’t appreciate or respect them for a long time. If you are more afraid of loneliness than of living with an unsuitable partner, you will ignore all red flags and lower your demands where it is definitely not worth it. Of course, such a relationship won’t make you happier. In them, you are unlikely to be able to find emotional intimacy with a partner, because fear will be at the heart of your choice.

6. You’re trying too hard to please

The desire to please a partner can often lead to the suppression of your real aspirations, views, and boundaries. You will try to be comfortable — to agree, to tolerate what does not suit you, to adjust, just to be chosen. In the short term, this behavior can work, and you can have a relationship. But you probably won’t like what they look like. After all, the partner will get used to your image and the pattern of behavior that you demonstrated at the beginning of your communication. Over time, you will feel that your partner does not see the real you, and your relationship will cease to satisfy you.

7. You don’t know how to build personal boundaries

Boundaries indicate what is acceptable for a person and what is not. If you don’t identify them in communication with a girl or react normally to attempts to disrupt them, the relationship will not develop in the way you would be comfortable with. At first, you can stand up to disrespectful behavior, but after a while, it will become more difficult to do so. In the long run, the inability to build personal boundaries will lead to conflicts, spilling out accumulated aggression on your part. However, in some cases, a partner may not even realize what is causing you discomfort, because you reacted neutrally or positively to their words and actions.

8. You expect relationships to compensate for inner emptiness

It happens that a person starts a relationship with someone simply because he wants to use them to compensate for the lack of meaning in life, joy, self-confidence, and so on. In such situations, a partner should become a lifeguard who needs to take responsibility for you and your well-being. But no matter how good a relationship is, it can never replace your inner support. Even if a partner desperately tries to make you happy, it’s unlikely that anything will change, because you have to act on your own. As a result, because of the high expectations from your partner and his influence on your life, you inevitably face disappointment.

9. You don’t analyze your experience

If, after breaking up, you just keep going forward, start getting to know each other again, go on dates, and try to build a relationship with someone else, then you’re making a huge mistake. It is important to reflect on past experiences and try to understand what went wrong and when. Skipping this stage makes you more likely to repeat your old mistakes. Learn to analyze your past: evaluate what decisions you made, what signals you ignored, and what needs you were slow to voice to your partner. Honest answers to these questions will help you gain valuable experience.