The rules of courtly love: How people dated in the middle Ages

In the Middle Ages, the concept of “dating” did not exist in the form in which we understand it today, and marriages were political, strategic, and financial in nature. Instead of romantic relationships, people focused on a combination of family strategies, social rituals, religious norms, and local customs that determined the formation and regulation of family creation, and love, if it arose in marriage, was just a happy accident. In the late Middle Ages, the phenomenon of courtly love arose, and symbolic courtship rituals began to develop, some of which have survived to this day.

The origins of courtly love

Historically, courtly love originated in the courts of the nobility of Western Europe in the medieval period, around the 12th century, and became one of the most enduring cultural legacies of that time. Its roots go back to the troubadours, their poetic tradition, as well as to the earlier influence of classical literature. But having become a literary device, it was reflected in real life, and its influence spread beyond the written word to the social and cultural customs of that time.

Although the goal of courtly love was never marriage, it became the epitome of a noble feeling of selfless love and laid down courtship rituals, rules, and prohibitions in relationships, and created an unspoken code of honor for romantic lovers. The courts of medieval France were considered the most advanced in Europe; they set new standards long before they were picked up by others. And the concept of courtly love was one of those innovations.

Romantic ideas about love were originally spread by troubadours, singers, and poets of the Middle Ages, known for their bohemian lifestyle. In Provence, a historical region of France, traditional musicians sang about the life of the common man and also spread new social norms, many of which originated at court.
While arranged marriages formed political alliances that affected thousands of people, often leading to the unification of families and the expansion of empires, courtly love put the feelings of an individual at the forefront.

The feudal context of courtly love

During the Middle Ages, society was divided into three distinct classes: the nobility, who represented high society; the clergy, who prayed; and the workers, who labored. Visit. A F R I N I K . C O M. For the full article. Although the workers represented a wide range of professions, such as artisans, merchants, and farmers, they had few opportunities for social mobility.

In the laws of the medieval period, primogeniture was in effect – the firstborn inherited the land after the death of his father, and the second and third sons found themselves in an uncertain position. They did not occupy a suitable place in society that would allow them to stand out as representatives of the nobility. Therefore, knighthood became increasingly popular among them, giving them the opportunity to serve the nobility, thereby maintaining their status.

Busy fighting, they got used to the hardships of war and were not considered desirable bachelors for marriage. The emergence of courtly love gave knights a more important social role. Courtly love prescribed certain qualities befitting a gentleman: the pursuit of dignity, valor, and honor. It was a social code that guaranteed that knights would behave appropriately and refrain from creating problems so as not to compromise their lady’s dignity.

A set of rules for medieval courtly love

Historically, courtly love has been characterized by ideals that set it apart from other forms of love and romance. It was a relationship based on the idealization of a woman. Often, a noble married lady became the object of a knight’s affection. The knight was well aware that he would never be able to marry her, so he sought to respect his beloved and please her in everything.

Channeling his love and devotion to a noble woman whom he considered the epitome of beauty and perfection, the knight was her humble servant, showing loyalty, humility, and selflessness. He aspired to love for the sake of love itself, which pushed him towards any challenges. It was not uncommon for knights to commit reckless acts in honor of their lady; they even sacrificed their lives to preserve her reputation.

Courtly love often flowed in secret and required caution due to the social and marital restrictions of the time. The lovers exchanged messages and signs of affection while maintaining a respectful distance. There were certain rules and rituals associated with courtly love. These included formal declarations of love, the exchange of love letters and gifts, court dances, as well as intellectual and poetic conversations.

Courtly love often implied unrequited or unrealized feelings, as it focused more on a mental connection than a sexual one. The pain and longing caused by unrequited love were an integral part of this experience.

Literary legacy and the extinction of courtly love

Courtly love is reflected in historical literary works, such as the 14th-century poem “Sir Gawain and the Green Knight” by an unknown author, Shakespeare’s tragedy “Romeo and Juliet”, and the legendary love story “Tristan and Isolde”. Thanks to such works, she often served as a means of personal and spiritual growth for a person. The lovers strove to perfect their character, embodying the ideals of chivalry, loyalty, and self-sacrifice. The queen of courtly love is considered to be Eleanor of Aquitaine, who was a prominent figure in medieval Europe and one of the richest and most influential women of her time.

Eleanor of Aquitaine’s connection to the concept of courtly love stems from her role as a patron and participant in the cultural and literary movements of the time. She was known for her support of troubadours, musical poets, and the traditions of courtly love. Eleanor’s courtyard became a vibrant center of cultural and intellectual life, contributing to the development and dissemination of courtly love literature. Her personal romantic relationships and marriages influenced the narrative of courtly love, although they were marred by conflicts and scandals, including rumors of extramarital affairs.

By the end of the medieval period, courtly love in Europe began to decline. In France, it practically disappeared after the Albigensian Crusade, when the northern part of France tightened control over the south, which limited patronage of the creative arts, and in Germany, it survived longer thanks to the Minnesingers, and even Dante included the troubadours in his “Divine Comedy.”

This was facilitated by the decline of the feudal system, with which courtly love was inextricably linked, disapproval from the church, and a change in the concept of literature towards a more realistic depiction of relationships. Nevertheless, she had a significant impact on the development of modern romantic ideals, shifting the focus from the business nature of relationships to the sublime and sensual.