The fear of being abandoned is inherent in us by biological mechanisms. It is connected with the basic needs of a person to be protected and belong to a certain cell of society. But if you are constantly faced with such a feeling, it may be worth starting a fight with codependency and low self-esteem. Together we understand why modern people face the fear of abandonment and what to do to overcome the worries.
Divorce of parents, lack of trusting relationships in the family, infantilism. Most often, the fear of being abandoned originates in childhood. Often, problems in the family lead to the fact that in adulthood, a woman begins to look for a man who could replace her father.
In other cases, infantilism leads a woman to think that her well-being depends only on her other half. Such attitudes make you lose faith in yourself and strengthen the fear of being abandoned. Below are six tips that will help you overcome it.
6 ways to overcome fear of abandonment
1. Think about whether your concern is justified
There are two types of worry: productive and unproductive. In the first case, we worry about events that are already happening in our lives and affect them. Unproductive worry is based on guesses and questions like “what if…?”. And if you constantly ask such questions and try to read another person’s thoughts, you can seriously harm the relationship.
Instead of being tormented by guesses and worrying about being abandoned, try to talk about it with your partner openly. The ability to conduct an honest and open dialogue is important in relationships.
2. Work on your self-esteem
Often the reason for the constant fear of being abandoned is low self-esteem. Self-dislike worsens the quality of life and can provoke a constant feeling of self-pity. It also causes increased anxiety and concern about the opinions of others.
People with low self-esteem always seem that people mistreat them and are waiting for the right moment to point out their shortcomings. Most people often refuse friendship because they are afraid of suddenly losing loved ones and being left alone.
To cope with low self-esteem and overcome the fear of being abandoned, you need to recognize the problem’s existence.
3. Share the problem with your loved ones
When we are in a difficult situation, it is important to feel the support of loved ones. This is due to the fact that we are often traumatized not so much by the problem as by the realization that we are left alone with it. At such moments, it is important for us to receive words of support and to be able to share our experiences and fears. Having opened up to your loved ones, you will understand that all people struggle with many fears, and there is nothing shameful about it.
4. Understand that fear is a part of life
Every person faces a lot of fears every day. It’s quite normal to be afraid of something. This is one of the signs that you are alive. And no matter how paradoxical it may sound, to cope with the fear of being abandoned, you need to accept the fact that such feelings will always haunt you.
What matters is how you perceive this fear and whether you resist it. As soon as you recognize unhealthy patterns and understand the root of your experiences, you will learn to control emotions.
5. Develop your self-sufficiency
A distinctive feature of a self-sufficient person is that he does not seek approval for his actions from other people. A self-sufficient person has a rational egoism, knows how to enjoy solitude, and does not enter into codependent relationships.
As soon as you increase the level of your self-sufficiency, the fear of being abandoned will decrease. Here are some tips to help you do that:
- constantly engage in self-education;
- set clear goals for yourself and find what motivates and nourishes you;
- communicate with interesting people and broaden your horizons;
- learn to adequately perceive constructive criticism and increase the level of social intelligence.
6. Try to avoid communicating with emotionally unavailable people
Emotionally unavailable individuals experience severe discomfort from approaching other people. As a rule, they avoid healthy attachment and have low empathy. By surrounding yourself with such people, you condemn yourself to the eternal fear of abandonment because the behavior of emotionally unstable individuals is unpredictable.
Communication with such people can be interesting, but it is unlikely to build a deep connection.
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