Necessary and unnecessary people in your life
If you look at a person’s immediate environment, literally 3-5 of the closest friends, it is almost always possible to draw a conclusion about the person himself. There are mistakes, but this is a statistical error. Simply put, if all your close friends are decent people, then most likely you are a normal person.
Naturally, the same situation is on the other side. About 70% of those sentenced to a year or more of imprisonment soon return to the zones. After all, those 3-5 of their closest friends are exactly there and are waiting for their alibi.
What are you made of
Of course, you are a unique person, individual, special, and all that, but you consist of particles of other people to a certain extent. Some have nothing of their own at all and are such “monsters of Dr. Frankenstein”, others more or less successfully balance. Look at your closest social circle, it consists of only a few people. Most likely, you have learned something about yourself from each of them. I spied jokes from someone, took a manner of speaking from another, adapting it a little for myself. Even parasitic words have migrated from one of them to you. Also, perhaps you tried on and took for yourself whole views on life, some value orientations.
At the end of the noughties, albeit in a playful form, misanthropy gained enormous popularity. Everyone around has become ostentatiously cynical, black humor, built on the worthlessness of human life, has become everyday fun. This was facilitated by the series “Doctor House”, very popular in those years. In fact, people don’t love each other much anyway, and House showed how to express his hatred effectively — everyone wanted to become House. Even if a person did not watch the series, there were almost certainly such viewers in his environment who gave him a piece of misanthropy.
How to understand that this is an unnecessary person
The main thing here is not to make a mistake in the wording. An unnecessary person is not someone who is useless. On the contrary, even a useful person may be unnecessary if his harm outweighs the benefit. It follows from this formula that unnecessary people are those who harm you. Useless ones are usually neutral, and there is no reason to exclude them from life, especially if you have known each other for a long time.
But with harmful people, you need to solve the issue confidently. There are three scenarios: the first is that you just suffer harm, which gradually poisons your life. The second is that you change a harmful person, make him useful or at least useless, but not harmful. The third is that you cut a person out of life.
In general, you know who is an unnecessary person in your life perfectly well. These are usually eliminated over time, but some stay for a long time. If the morals of two people conflict on a mental level, their paths will still diverge. It will happen as a result of a conscious decision or by the coincidence of random circumstances – it does not matter. The difference is in time: you can wait for some circumstances, you can create them yourself, and you can understand that it’s already time.
You were probably looking for an answer to one of the questions that tormented you and gave rise to doubts. Look: to expunge an unnecessary person from life is not a surrender to him, it is not a weakness, but rather, on the contrary, strength, and logic.
How to understand that this is the right person
The situation is similar, everything is very simple. You yourself know perfectly well and even feel who is needed in your life. As we have already discussed, surely among these right people, many, if not most, are absolutely useless. So what of it? You yourself are useless to many of them. You just make friends, meet, communicate, you have established emotional contact.
People from whom you borrow something intangible, whether it’s slang, grimaces, or thoughts, are most likely necessary. It turns out that you feel sympathy for them, often unconsciously. The right person, even being useless, always understands your emotional state, and he will never be sarcastic if it is out of place at the moment. It also works the other way around: having gone too far with someone, you are tormented by thoughts, you do not find a place for yourself. The right sign is that this person is necessary, otherwise, why should you worry so much.
If the right person also turned out to be useful, then this is a jackpot, a rare piece of luck, and such a connection must be maintained. It may happen that one day you will not notice how you have moved from friendship or relationships to exploitation. You know, without malicious intent, this can happen, just a reliable person, and you’ll get used to it.
In this case, over time, the question will arise about your need or uselessness. If the operation has replaced everything else, for example, you call only when you need something. Be prepared for the fact that one morning you will wake up already crossed out. It’s important to remember — after all, not only you can cross out, but also you.
