It is unpleasant to be accused of everything, especially in situations where we are not to blame. But many people, including our partners, often use such tactics instead of accepting and solving problems.
In any case, simply tolerating such behaviour and experiencing an imposed sense of guilt is not the best option. It can lead to the partner’s habit of blaming us for all the troubles will only strengthen. To cope with the constant accusations, you can use these tips.
8 things to do if your partner blames you for everything
1. Try to take a break
When a person accuses us of something in a rush of emotions, he is not in the mood for dialogue. So you can step away from him for a while. Say, “I want our conversation to be constructive and not just blame. I’ll be back in 15 minutes, and then we can talk more calmly.” To get the latest stories, install our app here
The goal is to gently tell your partner that you and he need time to calm down and think about your further dialogue. Do not say it too harshly or not to name a specific time.
After that, go to another room to give the accuser a chance to cool down and calm herself down. After such a suspension, you can have a more constructive dialogue.
2. Don’t take a defensive and emotional position
Many quarrels end with the fact that the accused actively proves his innocence. Often this is expressed in a shout or a list of dozens of arguments in their defence. Or blaming the partner in return.
Instead of immediately defending yourself and interrupting your partner, let him speak out. And show that you understand what he wants to convey to you.
If you are guilty of something, then discuss how you can solve this problem with him. And if there is no fault of yours in the described situation, do not attack, but calmly and emotionlessly give a few facts in your defence. To get the latest stories, install our app here
The less emotion we express, the harder it is to manipulate us. Often partners know our emotional triggers and use them to prove their case. And politeness and calmness confuse them.
3. Don’t take his comments personally
This is very difficult, especially when the accusations become too personal. For example, instead of saying that he needs support, the partner accuses you of cruelty. Or he allows himself to criticize your appearance and personal qualities in any convenient situation.
Remember that the words of even the person closest to us are not always true. The accusers allow themselves such comments for various reasons. This way of communicating gives confidence to someone, and the other wants to manipulate us in this way and influence all the pain points. To get the latest stories, install our app here
The more often we justify ourselves or try to prove something to the accuser, the more power he has over us. And when we are calm because we do not take it for the truth and at our own expense, it becomes much more difficult to control and convince us of something.
Self-confidence is the main opponent of the one who accuses you. This means that you will not agree with him or do as he wants because he made you doubt yourself.
4. Always have a backup plan
People who tend to blame others can be unreliable. For example, promise to pick you up from the airport and not do it. At the same time, they will sincerely accuse you of deliberately taking tickets for an inconvenient flight to prevent them from getting enough sleep.
The partner may insist that you are to blame for his act, trying to justify his actions and not seem worse in his own eyes. In such cases, it is always worth having a backup plan of action to not depend on the partner’s mood. For example, to call a taxi and not find out who is right and who is to blame.
5. Don’t let your partner change you
Each of us has our own principles, values and views on life. Partners who accuse most often want to get any changes from us. And often they are not aimed at improving our skills and qualities. On the contrary, they want us to be comfortable for them — they achieve this by making us feel guilty. To get the latest stories, install our app here
Such tactics can even lead to toxic shame — a chronic condition when we consider ourselves bad and not our wrong actions somehow.
When we meet with partners who accuse us of everything for a long time, we can begin to doubt our beliefs. But the more we doubt, the easier it is to manipulate us. Therefore, before you make another decision, think about whether it is yours or imposed by others.
6. Don’t give your partner advice
For accusing people, advice that led to failure or was not useful is another reason to point out our mistakes to us. Although the responsibility for making a decision and whether to use the advice or not lay with them. Therefore, refuse to comment the next time a partner comes for advice, even if he insists. To get the latest stories, install our app here
7. Have a heart-to-heart talk with your partner
Often the habit of blaming another person has deeper reasons. This may be an attempt to manipulate or a way to protect yourself from being wrong. Many people are afraid to take responsibility for their decisions and shift it to others, blaming them for failures.
Have a heart-to-heart talk with your partner to find out the reasons for his behaviour. This can be a really difficult topic of conversation for both of you. To get the latest stories, install our app here
You can contact a psychologist to help you find the true reasons for the accusations in the relationship. And then look at how much the partner is willing to root out the causes of his behaviour. Or does he consider himself completely normal?
8. Decide the future of your relationship
When the accusations last too long and neither conversations nor other methods of communication with the accuser can fix the situation, it is worth considering how much you are ready to tolerate such an attitude towards yourself. Consider all the pros and cons of your relationship. Think about how comfortable you feel. It is important to make an informed decision, and if you understand that you are not ready to live in a constant sense of guilt, you should leave your partner.