Why am I attracted to toxic relationships?:9 reasons
You’ve probably noticed that some people studiously avoid toxic relationships, while others seem to be attracted to such partners themselves. At the same time, the second type of person denies their desire to enter into a toxic relationship.
It’s all about the difference in the perception of love, the experience of life, and the need for certain emotions. You can prove to those around you that you want a healthy relationship, but in the end, it will turn out that the person who appreciates and respects you and your feelings will be boring. You can break this vicious circle by realizing the cause-and-effect relationship between your desires and actions. We’ve compiled the most common reasons why you are attracted to toxic relationships.
1. You’re insecure
Some signs can easily recognize an insecure person. Usually, toxic people notice your manner of speaking, body language, and behavior in various situations and listen to what you say about yourself. Your insecurities make you the perfect target for manipulation. A toxic person will understand that you are the easiest to control and will feel an advantage over you.
Because of your insecurity, it will be tough to recognize situations where the person is deceiving you, forcing you to make a decision, or trying to humiliate you. You will think for a long time about how to act and begin to drive away from your thoughts of a possible breakup.
2. You have no respect for yourself
If you don’t treat yourself with respect, love, and appreciate yourself, you’re more likely to find a partner who will treat you the same way. You can’t date someone used to building a relationship on mutual respect. You will constantly feel like you don’t deserve love, care, and support.
You should first of all learn to love yourself. Only then will you be able to build a healthy relationship with the other person. So you have hard and long work on your habits and beliefs.
3. You need someone to save you
Rescuer syndrome draws toxic people to you. This relationship usually benefits both – one gets constant support, care, and attention, while the other realizes himself and his inner drive by giving his whole self to the other. Rescuer syndrome makes you pay too much attention to those around you. You begin to put their problems before your own, devoting all your free time to solving them. As a result, your quality of life inevitably diminishes. But you pay no attention to this, considering it your duty to help the other person, especially your partner, not just an acquaintance or a friend.
You only realize that you’ve been doing something wrong after the breakup. That’s when the realization dawns on you that you’ve been used. The way out of this situation is one – stop seeing adults and independent people as those who need constant support.
4. You’re afraid of being alone
If you’re afraid of being alone, you probably don’t spend too much time figuring out if this person is right for you or if you should wait to meet someone else. You cling to those who have shown little interest in you and don’t want to break up even if the relationship with the person hasn’t lived up to your expectations and brings mostly negative emotions.
5. You’re used to giving and not expecting anything in return
Generosity is a pretty rare quality that shows you at your best. But any relationship, be it, family, friendship, or romantic, involves mutual help and support. You can not give your loved one everything: free time, attention, material possessions, care, while not reacting to the total lack of reciprocity from his side.
Toxic people are used to getting what they want without giving anything in return. So control your generosity. If you see that your partner takes all your actions for granted, demands even more from you, and he/she is not ready to show his/her feelings in any way, you should think about ending the relationship.
6. You think that relationships are hard work
You may believe that relationships require hard work, suffering, and constantly pushing yourself over the edge. You may see love as work, a feeling that has to be earned. So you happily start dating a toxic person.
But here’s some food for thought – a relationship should support you, make you change for the better, evolve, and make your life more joyful and comfortable. Relationships are only difficult when only one of the partners is working on them. So reconsider your position.
7. You get attached to people quickly and have a hard time letting them go
You can get attached to a person too quickly, without getting to know them completely, and immediately propose dating. In this case, the relationship will go too fast, and you may have a lot of unpleasant surprises ahead of you.
If, in addition, you are also badly experiencing the loss of people who became close to you in a short time, then you turn out to be the perfect choice for a toxic partner. Your partner will realize pretty quickly that you are easy to manipulate. Usually, all it takes is the mere threat that he/she is going to break up your relationship.
8. You’re attracted to strong emotions
A healthy relationship may seem too relaxed and even boring for you. You may need strong emotions like jealousy, having to prove your love, periodic scandals, etc. That’s what makes you attract toxic girls to you. With those who are just willing to give you their love, give you all kinds of support and share your views on the future, life seems too monotonous for you.
9. You do not like conflicts
You may not like conflicts because of your peaceful nature or unwillingness to hurt your girlfriend. This is not a negative trait at all. In principle, in a healthy relationship, partners should solve all problems arising just using a calm dialogue. But if you are dating a toxic person, such conversations do not work.
Your partner may understand that you have difficulty saying no to his /her, arguing, or defending your boundaries. This knowledge gives him/her the upper hand, and he/she begins to initiate conflict and you, in turn, agree to her terms, even if you are against it, to avoid fighting.