Everyone has such a friend. It’s hard to share your happiness with her because she is in an endless search. She regularly tells heavy and tearful stories about her boyfriends, which, to put it mildly, leave much to be desired. She has no luck with men. But why?
Some readers now sadly saw themselves in this description. Indeed, in a modern society of abundance, instead of growing prosperity, our dissatisfaction grows. We hardly get along with people, we hardly love, we hardly part. And when a series of constant failures accompany this, it becomes harder to believe and hope with each new partner.
In women, the situation is aggravated by the so-called “social line.” They measure you every day. “Why are you still not married?” etc. You constantly have to make excuses for everyone without feeling guilty. However, I want to draw special attention to one claim.
Surely once, when you were telling another story of your unsuccessful love to your friends, they cautiously noticed that maybe the reason for your failures and loneliness is not in men but yourself. This cut the ears and made them loudly indignant. You must have dismissed the thought as delusional and pouted offensively because there is too much self-pity.
It’s always convenient to point the finger and blame someone else. No one likes to be held accountable for their actions. But when a stream of complete egoists slobber, as*holes and infantile flows in your life, it’s time to change your attitude towards life.
And now I’ll tell you the most unpleasant part of the story – most likely; it’s you. But there is no need to close the article on this, and again it is insulting to pout your lips. Realizing your mistakes is already half the healing. And already half the way to happiness.
We all choose our partners subconsciously. Why do some people like closed and unemotional guys, while others are drawn to energetic and cheerful? Why do “girls from good families” choose husbands similar in type to their fathers? Why do we feel good with some, despite conflicts, scandals, and disagreements, and with others, it is bad, even though they suit us perfectly?
Because each of us is looking for in a partner an opportunity to close our gestalt or fill the necessary space in the heart. We all come to this world not as pure, sinless angels but as wounded children who yearn for understanding, harmony, and protection. In a partner, we are looking for an extension of our soul, which wants to calm down finally.
And when a woman constantly enters into relationships with difficult men who are only taken away, it means that it is not about them – it is about the wound that she is trying to heal. It’s about you, no matter how painful it is to hear.
But often, you are not to blame. The circumstances that created this conflict in you are to blame. The disappointment of youth, the broken heart, the drama of the parents. They form in you a specific attitude towards yourself, men, and people.
Too vulnerable are usually overly demanding of a partner—those who are too angry to bite first. Too lonely people ask too much. It scares and repels guys, and over time you notice that the good boys are just running away from you. And you start looking at others. That doesn’t go away.
You notice (unconsciously, of course) that the men who fight back are in no hurry to leave you. Those who drink your juices spend all evenings nearby. Those who sit on their necks do not want to get off them. You begin to reach for such. You start a relationship with them. You start to play love. And then dissatisfaction overpowers the fear of loneliness, and you leave. Again complain about your life.
With each new man, you continue to suffer, unable to be close to the one who will truly love, appreciate and protect. You think that all the good ones just ended, so you get all the slag. But actually, it is not. They are waiting for you. You aren’t ready for them yet.
How to change everything? You need to look inside yourself and understand where the demon is sitting, which prevents you from becoming happy. There is a small life hack on how to calculate it. At one time, he helped me a lot. It would help if you wrote down all your “unsuccessful” men on a piece of paper, but on the contrary, make a list of all the shortcomings that did not give you life and peace. And then write out all the “successful” men and list all the reasons, direct and indirect, that influenced the separation.
Then try to find matches in these lists. Surely they will not be everywhere, but you will see some ominous pattern among such different partners. Once you figure it out, you will realize that this “common flaw” (let’s call it that) is a reflection of your own demon. And looking into the eyes of your beast, do not be afraid to fight back.
You may need help – a psychologist, relatives, loved ones, but do not be afraid to work on yourself. After all, this is the only way you can achieve harmony. And I wish you to win.