Why you shouldn’t try to change the person you love
Only life itself can change a person. A strong emotional shock is likely to lead to a global revaluation of values, but no one guarantees such an effect.
We all understand that changing yourself is extremely difficult. For example, is it easy to rearrange your eating habits and start exercising? Not so easy; for some people, it takes their whole life. But despite this, we comfort ourselves with the hope that we can change the other person. It seems that it is worth putting everything on the shelves, giving convincing arguments, and a person will easily begin to live by new rules.
For some reason, this prospect looks so real to us that we don’t give up and waste energy. It seems to us that our love can move mountains, not just force someone to change. The truth is, by comparison, shifting a mountain is much easier.
5 reasons why you should never try to change your partner
Your partner is not going to change
Love is not enough to change human nature. You will never make a pedant out of a slut. All you can do is create a series of conflicts, putting a person in uncomfortable conditions.
No relationship will stand up to such a test. The nature and habits of a person are much closer and more important to him than any relationship, even for love.
You better focus on changing your own life
Attempts to change another person often indicate dissatisfaction with their own life. We unconsciously transfer our problems to our partner or blame him for our failures.
We divert attention from ours by spending energy and time trying to put things in order in someone else’s life. For example, we are unhappy that our beloved is not interested in anything and sits at home too much while spending this time with him. If you want changes in his life, you should start with yourself.
By accepting your partner’s flaws, you will not love him less
It’s not about making efforts on yourself, trying to come to terms with the peculiarities of a person you do not like – in such cases, parting will be a better decision.
But if you can accept a person as he is, you will feel how your love has grown stronger. Love is about acceptance. Plus, your value in the eyes of a loved one will greatly increase.
Trying to change your partner prevents you from forgiving
To forgive is to stop confronting pain and embrace it. If you keep trying to change your partner, you can never truly forgive him. You will argue with reality, convincing yourself that forgiveness will come when the person changes for you.
But he will not change, and you cannot forgive. Hidden grudges destroy a relationship faster than a wave – a sandcastle.
Attempts to change a loved one will lead to a breakup
Renowned psychologist says that criticism of a partner will inevitably lead to divorce. And this is not about hushing up any discontent but about the fact that you cannot question your acceptance of your partner as a person with his character and shortcomings.
For example: “You made me nervous when you were late. We agreed to call each other if one of us is late ”- this is a complaint about a specific situation. But: “You are always late and do not think about anyone but yourself! What an egoist you are!” – This is an assessment of your partner’s personality, and the evaluation is negative. The first approach will help resolve the conflict quickly and without mutual resentment, but the second is the right way to break.