On the one hand, politeness is a positive quality that shows a person’s upbringing, ability to find a common language with others, knowledge of manners, and the rules of etiquette. On the other hand, these are limiting beliefs that force you to do completely out of place. This is especially true for people who, for whatever reason, are overly polite, kind, and in some cases even helpful.
That is why people increasingly began to perceive politeness as arrogant behavior or a cunning move to get what they wanted. But no one tells you to start being rude and behave like a person who is far from knowing good manners. Just try not to overdo it with courtesy and make sure it doesn’t work against you. Here are some disgusting things you do from time to time out of your desire to be polite.
You are deceiving a person
When a person asks your opinion about their appearance, work, or actions, consider how often you answer the truth. Most likely, in most cases, you will prefer to lie not to upset the other person. You will politely answer something neutral or compliment him, even if the subject of your discussion disgusts you.
You deceive a person into appearing polite, but do not think about how important it is sometimes for people around you to hear constructive criticism in your address. Try to be more objective in your assessments – you can say bad news or remark a person by being polite. But to mislead others, lie to them and use their gullibility is real rudeness.
You do not defend your opinion
If you are polite and it is difficult for you to enter into a verbal conflict or a skirmish with a person, you are unlikely to defend your opinion on important issues. Politeness is almost always associated with compliance, the ability to seek compromises, and the unwillingness to spoil relations with someone.
Therefore, when you disagree with someone, instead of insisting on your own and reaching a fundamentally important decision, you prefer to stand aside and agree with what the other person says or does. Remember: in some cases; you should not seek a compromise; you should do as you see fit, remaining completely true to your views and beliefs.
You don’t talk about what touched you
Polite people rarely talk about their negative feelings, especially when it has something to do with the words and actions of the people around them. It is much easier for you to swallow an insult, find an excuse for a person, and immediately forgive inappropriate behavior than honestly say what hurt you. Sooner or later, people accustomed to this will openly use you, assert themselves at your expense, or mock your feelings.
You are content with little
You are too polite to ask a person on public transport to move over and free up a little more space for you, you are too polite to talk to your boss about a promotion, although you have been doing more than is required of you for a long time, too polite to inconvenience the cashier by asking her count the change.
You are used to being content with what you are given, and do not try to get what you are entitled to by right. With this approach, you will always miss out on the chance to make your life better.
You don’t praise yourself
If you were taught from childhood that a polite person must be humble, then in adulthood, you will most likely avoid praise, both internal and external, in every possible way. Moreover, this manifests itself in two variations:
It may seem that others must notice your achievements – but this is not always the case. Sometimes you need to present yourself favorably, once again reminding you of what problem you have successfully coped with and what results you have achieved in your work. So the ability to praise yourself is an indisputable plus that will emphasize your professionalism, draw attention to you and help you achieve success. It would be best if you did not sit quietly in the corner, expecting that the praise will find you on its own.
You refuse compliments, devalue your merits and be modest in every possible way when someone celebrates your achievements. Doing this out of politeness, not wanting to stick out yourself, draw too much attention to yourself, you only make it worse. Soon, they may stop praising you altogether, and all your successes will be taken for granted.
You devalue your feelings
You put other people’s feelings before your own. You care about being polite to everyone around you, but that kind of politeness often gives them the right to take advantage of you. They can manipulate your feelings of guilt; they can treat you rudely, realizing that you will not give them back; they can use your kindness and hang on you a bunch of tasks that they are too lazy to do on their own.
Not everyone deserves to be treated with courtesy. Put your feelings above the feelings of others, and don’t let your politeness play a trick on you.
You don’t defend your personal boundaries
Your politeness can lead to constant violation of personal boundaries. When a person interrupts you, asks you personal questions, does something unpleasant for you – instead of defending your boundaries and reprimanding him, you continue to behave politely, communicating with him as if nothing had happened.
Each time the people around you will invade your life more and more, realizing that you are not hindering this in any way.
You do not refuse help, even when you know that you will have to act to your detriment
Polite people try to come to the aid of someone else, even if this act negatively affects them. They give up all their business, give their last money, put all their efforts into making someone’s life a little better. And in return, instead of gratitude and reciprocal service, they most often receive reproaches, their help is taken for granted, and kindness is the fulfillment of their obligations.
Remember that a reasoned refusal is not impolite. You are not obliged to help everyone around you, and if you are busy, exhausted, or do not want to – say so directly. A person will find someone else to turn to.
You do everything so as not to cause discomfort to others
Politeness combined with the need to feel socially accepted leads to finding yourself dependent on the people around you. You are afraid to cause discomfort to someone; you constantly suppress your desires and needs, go against yourself and your beliefs, give up life guidelines.
Your politeness, in this case, is expressed in the desire to be like everyone else and not give other people a reason to be indignant or unflattering about you.
You do not disturb others
It seems that it is impolite to ask for help or complain about nonsense because other people have their problems and worries. But at the same time, you are always ready to help and devote as much time to the person he needs.
Sometimes, we have situations when we need to enlist someone else’s support, attention, care, and sympathy. It is not always advisable to confront difficult life problems one-on-one.