We are taught that “kindness is the most needed and valuable in this world from childhood.” And it really is: it is one of the foundations of a healthy relationship.
And all would be fine if some of us with kindness did not overdo it and thereby harm the partner or the child – for example, doing everything for them and thereby limiting their growth. How else is an overabundance of kindness manifested?
1. You are sure you know exactly how it will be better for another
Perhaps this is true, but each of us has the right to make decisions on our own – including erroneous decisions. But it can be difficult to control oneself, especially for parents who watch their child go “on a crooked path” or associate with “the wrong” company.
Clinical psychologist Karen Nimmo tells how one of her daughters begs her: “Mom, let me live!” When she becomes “too much” in the girl’s life. And this request is quite fair.
Gently advising or offering something is fine, but try to let your partner or child live (and that includes stepping on rakes) on their own.
2. You tend to check and control everything
You constantly inquire about whether your partner had lunch (otherwise, with such a workload, he could have forgotten), whether the child took a diary with him, whether a loved one put on a coat, whether he forgot to take medications. Sometimes tell your acquaintances that your partner is “like another child” for you?
Indeed you care about him, and you do it with the best of intentions, and yet let the person next to you function on his own, do not limit his or her independence.
3. You are too positive
Optimism is an excellent quality that helps us survive difficult times, but being too positive is annoying, especially for those who have a real hard time. Moreover, round-the-clock “toxic positivity” is usually shown by those who are afraid to show vulnerability and real feelings.
4. You are trying to please everyone
“Give the other the last shirt”, “turn inside out so that everyone around you is good” – in doing so, you in the end indeed feel exhausted and feel that those around you are just taking advantage of you. This is why being able to say no is so important – both for your well-being and health and for your relationships with others.
5. You run to solve other’s problems
To want a partner to live better is a natural desire, but for this, it is not at all necessary to rush headlong to “fix” what has broken in his life.
Firstly, it is not at all guaranteed that you will succeed. Secondly, it will prevent the loved one from solving their problems. Please do not take away from him the opportunity to experience personal triumph when he manages to rise again after a fall.
6. You never argue with anyone
Avoiding conflicts is not a sign of kindness but a sign of passivity. The atmosphere of peace in your home is good, but not at the expense of infringing on your right to speak out on various issues.
It is pretty natural to avoid conflicts if you have a controlling partner, but then another question arises: do you need such a relationship?
7. You are overprotective of the other
Behind this concern lies something else – the desire to control everything, including the behaviour of the partner. Sooner or later, he or she may feel like you don’t trust him or her. Yes, life is full of risks, but let your loved ones face them on their own.