Singer Rosa (32): “We told no one about our growing love”

Barely recovered from her divorce, singer Rosa (32) got a click with the guitarist of her band. Out of respect for the fateful woman of the guitarist, a relationship was not an option. But after her death there was no longer any hold.

“At the end of 2016, after my divorce, I ended up totally exhausted in the spare room of friends. To give me some distraction, the man of the house asked me occasionally to rehearse his band. After all, was I a singer? But nothing helped. I sat in a corner on a chair with my hands in my lap and pretended to laugh at the jokes of the men. I love male company, watched how much fun they enjoyed and released on their instruments. They did not touch my heart and yet it was good to see that there were still places where nothing was expected of me, where I was safe without having to do anything.”

“The guitarist of the band was a fine man, it seemed that he and I had something together. His wife was seriously ill and could die any moment. He and I became increasingly focused on each other. His jokes made our disappointment – because that was what we shared – lighter, and when he, my host and I, cycled back one evening after a rehearsal, I automatically drove the whole road next to him.”


“Under the guise of ‘you’re looking for a house, maybe I know something’, we started chatting. First reluctant and casual, then quickly every day, and after that for long evenings. To keep it safe, we did not mention that we liked each other, but listed everything that interested us both. This is how we built a buffer. ‘Hey, do you like Spinvis too, you do not mean that, none of my friends loves Spinvis’, I exclaimed in amazement. We told no one about our growing love, out of piety with his dying wife.”

Hidden love

“In the spring of 2017, the band gave a home concert with the drummer and suddenly I saw myself in the bathroom sending an app to my guitarist: ‘Will I show you my new house anyway?’ Without thinking, I responded to what had been in the air for months: a meeting, an appointment with only both of us. I trembled. As it were, I just stood blinking outside the walls of the wedding, my wedding ring almost on my finger. My experience with men did not go much further than my ex, an older man who became increasingly unfair as we became married. I knew what it meant to me when I asked my guitar player to come to my house. But what did it mean for him? What codes did I break with my directness and did I sometimes mess up a fable friendship?”

“” Ok”, he appended and he was not in yet or we were kissing, looked surprised, and kissed again. He held me, and I tried to make out what I had meant for him. I had every confidence in him. Still, he could have been frightened by his kiss which was perhaps a spur of the moment, honest, overwhelming, but without intention. I waited for the words: ‘no, no, this is all going too fast’. But they did not come. Hesitantly there arose a relationship, still under the radar of even our bandmates.”


“His wife died in June this year. He cared for her until the end, only when he went running on Sunday, he came to me. He asked me if I wanted to be at the funeral. I was able to put myself through it with difficulty and was on the late side that day. Only in the front of the hall, close to the family, there was still room. And when everyone walked past the coffin, and I could not stay behind, I desperately sought eye contact with my guitarist. I had asked him in advance what music he would make, what he would say in his speech, which photos of their family he would show. So that I could prepare myself.”

“But through the shame the joy broke through in broad rays. A joy that was so real and warm, that convinced us that in any case we could not have ended up exclusively in the category of lust, but also in that of true love. We had succeeded in saving his wife the grief, we no longer had to do it secretly.”

Feeling good

“We told the band members first, some people suspected something. But his parents fell from their seats and our children know it only a few weeks. His teenage daughters seemed happy, although you never know if that is desirable or sincere behaviour. We are waiting. Recently, my neighbour also knows it and another good friend, so the circle slowly expands. Nobody is happy negative. Can you laugh with her, asked his father when he had recovered from his first fright? The fact is that I have never felt so ‘like’ to anyone before.”

“This weekend, when his son half-grumbly made a comment that he had not been able to watch football for ever since I was there, we were simultaneously looking for each other’s hand. After the neighbourhood party last weekend. It turned out that we had both noticed how the always-weird neighbour got an app from his bossy wife, after which he suddenly started to carry more bottles of liquor. And when I recently doubted whether I should start for myself, he let me talk for a long time until he suddenly summed up my feelings perfectly. What I want to say: it is the seemingly insignificant details that make the difference between love and great love.”


“We have compiled a list of what we all want to do together. See the northern lights, sleep in a special B & B, with all the kids on holiday. And to a Spinvis concert. Another baby does not necessarily have to. But I want to get married. At my first marriage I said, just do me a nice dress. But if I am faithful now, I want a white wedding dress and a huge party.”

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