Sometimes it seems like you’ve known someone for many years, but you still don’t understand how sincerely they feel about you. This kind of doubt worries not only those in love but also those who are used to relying on their friends-not-spill–water until the time comes to question the reality of this status seriously.
True friendship is learned not only in trouble but in the process of everyday life situations. To find out how sincere a friend is about you, Ph.D. and Psychology, interpersonal specialist David J. Lieberman has developed a pervasive and effective method. The human behavior expert and author of the bestselling You Can Read Anyone has revealed six key points that can help you identify liars and manipulators in your inner circle.
If you are genuinely friends with someone, then you are sincerely concerned about everything that happens in that person’s life. The same principle works in the opposite direction – a true friend/girlfriend is always interested in how you are doing and your mood.
If you do not feel attention from a loved one, then the friendship is not very mutual. You can make sure of this by starting a conversation about topics that excite you, but without digging too deep or announce upcoming events that are important for you to see/hear the reaction and draw conclusions.
The second step of the “friendship test” is the calculation of gossipers and provocateurs. It’s as easy as shelling pears, and you have known the recipe for a long time: tell a person a secret about a familiar acquaintance – invented or (almost) actual – and then try to find out whether this secret has reached the subject of discussion. If you are impressed with the speed of delivery of secret information, friendship loses another “star.”
Under the third point, let’s make sure we can be proud and happy for you — say when you get promoted. It is hard for liars and manipulators to pretend to be happy when life supports someone other than them. “When you face failure, a lot of people will express a desire to console and support you, and only real friends will come to discuss the good news,” Lieberman writes.
The fourth point draws attention to how willing friends are to tell you the truth. “A true friend will not hesitate to express to your face everything that you may not want to hear,” says Lieberman. “He/she runs the risk of quarreling with you but will never lie or hide known facts, pretending that it is for your good.”
Curiosity is a pretty nasty character trait, especially in a runaway format. Respect and sensitivity are two fundamental skills that can help calm an unhealthy inquisitiveness towards friends. If a loved one tries to find out more information, not paying attention to your experiences, then his curiosity outweighs the respect he has for you.
Conversely, if he/she listens carefully, allowing you to speak at a comfortable pace and sparing your emotions, this means an absolute indifference to what is happening to you.
Last but not least, the ability (or inability) to sacrifice oneself (one’s time, profit, comfort, pleasure) for the sake of friends. “When a conflict of interest arises, true friends look for solutions so as not to harm those they care about,” explains Dr. Lieberman.
However, be careful not to get carried away with identifying trends in isolated cases – analyze the friendship slowly, avoiding hasty conclusions. After all, you did not meet yesterday, and perhaps only temporary problems occur in your relationship. It is important to remember that at a particular stage, each of us can get so carried away by our own lives that it is difficult to find time for loved ones, for whom he is very sincerely worried.