None of us likes to admit our negative habits and character traits. One of the common qualities that cannot be called positive is the inability to keep your promises. You can agree to something just to calm a person down, get rid of him, not look indifferent in his eyes, etc. But how often do you actually do what you promised someone?
Think about this — it’s better to directly refuse a person’s request than to agree and let him down. False hope is much worse than deceived expectations about your involvement in solving the problem. Moreover, each of your failures to fulfill the promise negatively affects your reputation, and soon you can become a person whom no one will trust.
In order to get rid of this negative habit, you first need to understand what makes you not hold back your words. We have collected several reasons why you disappoint others.
You overestimate your capabilities
Most often, you may not keep your promises due to the fact that you initially overestimated your capabilities. When a person brought you up to date, it seemed that you could easily cope with the obligations imposed on you, but at some point, you realized that you did not have enough time, energy, or the necessary knowledge and skills.
It happens, but this is not a reason not to keep your word. The first thing you should do is honestly report that you have not calculated your strength. The main thing is to inform the person as early as possible so that he has time to find a replacement for you or figure out what to do in the current situation with you. If you keep silent and in fact, you will not be able to provide the help that the person hoped for, or even disappear from the radar at the scheduled time, you will greatly substitute him.
Your priorities often change
You may not keep your promises due to rapidly and frequently changing priorities. At first, you put a person in the first place, deciding that you will definitely provide him with the necessary help, and then suddenly you remember that you have something else planned for the same day, or you realize that you just don’t want to waste your time and energy on other people’s problems.
If you recognize yourself in these lines— you need to form a clear position so as not to mislead the people around you. Well, or at least not to throw away your promises — it’s better to say “I’ll think about it” without guaranteeing anything to a person than to immediately agree and cancel everything at the last moment.
The reason that you don’t keep your promises may be a temporary loss of motivation. You have already given your word to a person, but at some point, you realize that you do not have the strength and desire to do anything. This is quite an ordinary situation, the main thing is not to leave your actions, or rather, your inaction, without explaining the reasons. Talk to the person and warn him in advance that he should not count on your help.
You don’t care who you promised
You can simply not respect or appreciate the person to whom you promised something. In this case, you will not see the point in your efforts for his good. And you make promises most likely in order to just get left behind. Such relationships are very rare, and if you understand that a person is not in the “category” of people for whom you can overcome your laziness or find a free window in a tight work schedule, then it’s better to immediately inform him that you are not ready to support him or just keep your communication to a minimum.
You are waiting for a person to remind you of your promise
There are no comments here – of course, on the one hand, you can justify your unwillingness to keep your word by the fact that the person did not write and did not remind you of himself. Everything seems to be logical — after all, he needs your help, even if he controls the situation. On the other hand, you made a promise, and that means something. Do not devalue your words — remind yourself of yourself when you need it. This way you will let the person know that you are ready to participate in solving his problems and will not force him to feel humiliated by asking you several times if your plans have changed.
You renounce your promises at every opportunity
You make a promise to a person, and then you refuse it at the first opportunity: if something goes wrong, as you wanted, or you fail to fulfill some part of the promise. You behave like a capricious child – often looking for excuses, excuses, trying to shift the blame to someone else. Instead, try to understand yourself: everything described above is a typical manifestation of infantilism. And infantilism hinders not only the people around you but also yourself.
You punish a person by not keeping a promise
One of the possible reasons for unfettered promises may be your desire to take revenge on a person, somehow show him that you are offended, or hint that he did wrong to you. In this case, you will just pretend that you forgot about your words, and you will enjoy watching how things get out of control for a person.
Revenge is a thankless task. You’d better forget your grievances and trust life — it will put everything in its place, and you won’t need to dirty your hands and stain your reputation. Well, if you can’t bring yourself to help the person you’re angry with, just refuse to fulfill his request. You can never predict how hard your, even a small, lie will hit him.
You make promises under pressure
You can not keep your promises because you had to give them under someone else’s pressure. For example, instead of just asking you for help, a person begins to manipulate your guilt or remind you of what he did for you last time. Of course, it will be difficult to refuse him, but you will hardly want to participate in solving his problems. Pressure discourages you from all desire to act.