If you’re one of those who quickly become attached to new acquaintances and get very upset when communication suddenly breaks down, don’t despair. How to stop being attached to someone? Here are eight proven ways to stop it.
You can fix the situation by finding the cause of your excessive attachment and learning to control your feelings, regardless of the circumstances and others. We’ve put together some ways to stop clinging to everyone who pays attention to you. Use them if you really want to build strong and healthy relationships.
8 ways to stop being strongly attached to people
Stop being afraid of loneliness
The main reason you get so attached to people, literally clinging to everyone you meet, is because you’re afraid of being alone. If you have a panic fear of being alone with yourself, or if you don’t understand how to exist and what to do when no one is around you, this point is just about you.
Your fear makes you see every new person who appears in your life as your savior. You sincerely hope that by getting close to your acquaintance, you will get rid of the feeling of loneliness once and for all. But the harsh truth is that it will be extremely difficult to build a normal friendship or romantic relationship with you. Because of his thirst to keep the man by his side, you will be ready for any sacrifice, will be inferior to him in all matters, to hide their negative emotions, allow themselves to disrespectful attitude. This often attracts manipulators to you and discourages people who are willing to build healthy relationships.
Find your social circle
It’s simple: in order to stop getting very attached to each new acquaintance, find your circle of communication – people in whom you would be confident, those who will not leave you at the first opportunity. It’s easy to create a community of interest – analyze what you like to do most and get to know those who share your hobbies. They don’t have to be like you in everything – the important thing is that you find a common language, have a similar outlook and want the same things out of your relationship.
Don’t make yourself dependent on someone else’s society
The biggest mistake that leads to excessive attachment is the delusion that your happiness can depend on the presence of a certain person in your life. You have to realize that it’s not anyone else who makes you happy, it’s just yourself. There can be a lot of cool and interesting people around, who are willing to sacrifice their energy and time for you, but you will remain miserable if you don’t learn how to normalize your own state.
Happiness is inside you, and external factors have no effect on it. Once you accept this fact, you’ll be freer in every sense of the word, and you won’t want to cling to everyone who’s shown you the slightest bit of attention anymore.
Learn to look at human relationships realistically
As cruel as it sounds, human relationships are often romanticized by omitting unpleasant details. Your new acquaintance, with whom you have so much in common, isn’t necessarily polite and considerate just because he likes you too. Even if you quickly find common ground and start spending a lot of time together, it can’t be called a friendship yet.
Always try to look at human relationships realistically, without embellishments and naive hopes. People often quickly lose interest in new acquaintances or start communicating for their own benefit. And people also often break up, fight, end up in different cities, find new, more appropriate acquaintances and friends, outgrow relationships, etc. And you have to be ready for that, so that you don’t condemn yourself to serious worries if your new acquaintance disappoints you. You have to learn not to give the man all of himself at once, and take a wait-and-see attitude.
In order to stop getting so attached to new people appearing in your life, try to communicate more with those around you. Don’t give up on sudden acquaintances, be in companies more often, go to mass events. Around you, there are many interesting people who can give you positive emotions. And sooner or later, you will meet those who will get close to you, and maybe you will become more than just a good acquaintance. But until then, diversify your communication as much as possible, and you’ll stop clinging to anyone who got your attention in any way.
Find something to do
The best thing you can do is shift your priorities from socializing to other, equally interesting activities. Find a hobby that will both help you get some quality time off and occupy your time. This can be anything – going to the gym, playing the guitar, watching movies and TV shows, taking pictures, etc. The main thing is that you sincerely like what you do.
It’s that lack of interest that often causes strong emotional attachment to people. You simply have no other options for how to spend your free time – so you seek to be in company, to talk, to let someone else decide what you will do. You may focus all your attention on the new person because you have nothing else to do anyway.
Accept the fact that people don’t owe you anything
Don’t think that the people around you will owe you anything if you start showing them signs of attention, make contact with them, and hold on to them. No, it doesn’t work that way. Nobody owes you anything, just like you don’t owe other people anything. Doing something nice for a person or not is only your personal choice, not a direct obligation in any way. Don’t expect anyone to try for you – be the person who is responsible for themselves and their well-being on their own.
Start building your self-esteem
A healthy self-esteem will help you get rid of the habit of getting overly attached to people. If you’re terribly insecure about yourself and your own worth, you’re fixating all your attention on one person and trying to hold onto him. You do this because you are afraid of being alone, and you don’t believe you are worthy of communication, attention, and care.
Love yourself, start to respect yourself, and believe me, those around you will follow your example. And you yourself will get rid of the need to cling to people.