What to do if you feel out of place

There are a lot of people around you who feel, and often spend their whole lives, out of place. Some get used to it and lead a usual, socially approved way of life. Others suffer ceaselessly, not always understanding the reasons. Such people realize that they are in an aquarium, but instead of searching for an exit to the ocean, they look for the neighboring aquarium, which is wider and deeper. Still, others continue to look for a more pleasant place to be.

1. Stop looking back at those around you

Don’t be jealous of those people whose place you don’t want to be in. They all have their way, their own goals, principles and values that are hardly the same as yours. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be jealous in vain, but moving in their direction. However, something prevents this from happening, perhaps the very things you can’t get over without losing a piece of yourself. Just realize that you are in very different positions and that what is easy, even natural, for someone else may be unacceptable or even despicable for you.

Concentrate on yourself, the place you occupy now and where you can get in the future. Ask yourself how well matched you are and what is easier to change: yourself, the place, or the prospect. It may turn out that the very act of moving forward, not toward your goal, is causing that very feeling of desolation. It’s an inner voice telling you to stop and think things over before it’s too late. The worst thing that can happen is self-deception, which will smooth out the corners and darken the eyes, but only for a while. Still, one day everything will fall into place, then the feeling of devastation will devastate you completely.

2. Don’t chase fake signs of success

The world is full of fake signs of success that mean nothing and have no value. For example, all sorts of but equally useless diplomas from successful business courses and webinars on psychology or programming are suitable only for entertaining a sense of splendor. Then a pouting person sits in the kitchen and does not understand how he can remain unclaimed, having collected so many papers. Often such people conclude that more fake paperwork is needed, calling it education or a restructuring of the mind.

Live within your means; any debt or credit takes away some of your freedom until it eats it away completely. The expensive trappings of a successful life don’t bring success any closer, becoming tools of a cargo cult. One then tries to consume, conforming to one’s chosen role model, but cannot create as much. A false sense of closeness to one’s goal comes with more fake marks of success. You can spend years wandering among the air castles before you become suspicious. Then it turns out that you’ve been standing still all this time, wasting money, time, and energy on an illusion, among other things, getting a financial dependence on things you don’t really need.

3. Don’t forget the most important and simplest questions

These questions only seem simple, even unworthy of attention, but in reality, few can give a concise and unambiguous answer. What do you want to be? This isn’t about a job or a profession, but about a way of life. Suppose you have enough money and time; what would you do and dedicate your life to? The image that emerges in your mind is the person you want to be. The secret is that you not only want to be but can be, just not instantly and not by coincidence.

What do you need to be happy? How close or how far away has it been in recent years? This is what you want from life. It can be some relatively simple things but necessary to you. It may also happen that you want something completely unreal, but there is hardly a person who does not want anything. Don’t consider your desires unworthy or insufficient; it is their realization that will help you finally be in your place.

4. Don’t force yourself to fit into society’s standards

You don’t have to be average, the kind of person who seems acceptable to everyone. Constant neutrality and tolerance of everything will erase your principles, soften your personality like clay, then mold it into a shapeless figure. The invisible hands of the social standard are not too graceful a craftsman; they do not create masterpieces for exhibitions. Here only a basic model is forged, with a couple or three kinds of coloring. If there is a marriage in the making, the figure is thrown away because there are plenty of cleaners and fresher materials.

You can have your own views, beliefs, goals and dreams. If you don’t fit into the standards, you’re likely to get condemnation, at least misunderstanding from society. You have to look more closely in response and soon notice that society’s standards are not quite normal. Even though society is so huge, you shouldn’t be afraid of it, for it is something shapeless, long-softened. Trust your eyes, ears, and considerations; it is quite possible that on this or that issue, you are right and not the others. Remember that your allies and supporters are probably lurking among the masses of others, just that they are in silent reflection.

5. Carve out time for yourself to be quiet and peaceful

A thorough dialogue with yourself is only possible in complete silence and stillness. It should be noted that this is such a rare condition in the life of a modern man that it has to be created artificially. People are rarely at peace because of the rhythm of life in the city, and only one’s home can be silent, which is not always the case. Muffled by the background noise, your inner voice is constantly telling you what it lacks and what direction you should move, but you hear nothing. Moreover, accidentally staying alone with yourself, you strive to escape as quickly as possible.

You don’t have to learn meditation techniques to dialogue with yourself; the main thing is not to be afraid to look at your accumulated problems and disagreements. If you pile them up without attention, be sure that one day it will burst, and the dirtiest things will come out. The warehouse can be repaired, but by that time, its contents will be known to everyone around you. After that, you are alone with yourself and will become even scarier. You will lower your eyes at every opportunity as if you do not notice anything around you. Gradually you will completely stop communicating with your inner voice, losing yourself forever.

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