Why you give good advice but don’t follow it yourself
You can give family, friends and just acquaintances great advice that helps them quickly and easily solve pressing problems. You are not afraid to push them to take reasonable risks, you look at the situation from their life from a different angle, you say the right words to them, encouraging them and offering to accept your offer to support them. But when it comes to solving your own problems, for some reason, you are inactive. It’s weird because you always seem to have a plan. Instead of following your own advice, you stagnate in one place, being sure that the situation is a stalemate and you cannot change it.
We have put together a few reasons that will explain why you give good advice to people around you but do not follow it yourself.
You don’t listen to yourself
If you constantly give good advice to those who are dear to you, you are probably already used to the fact that they listen to you, take into account your opinion, and trust you. So why don’t you start treating yourself the same way? Start somehow fixing or just remembering what you say in difficult situations to your loved ones. This is your position because any advice that you have ever given to another person is your vision of the development of events, formed after you let the story through yourself.
For example, when a friend complains to you about his job, says that he is too tired, has no interest in it, receives a small salary, you will advise him the same thing that you would do yourself in this situation. Most likely, you will push him to the idea that it is time to change something – to quit and realize himself in a new place or in a new speciality. At the same time, you yourself can endure for many months or years a bad attitude from management, constant fines due to nonsense, inadequate clients, etc., without seriously thinking about changes and using excuses – you don’t quit because you are afraid to get to a worse place, start earning less, sit out for a while without work.
When you realize that your life is not going the way you would like it to be, it is useful to listen to the very advice you give to others. Surely they will help you solve the life situation that worries you.
You don’t assess the situation from the position of an outside observer
It can be difficult for you to follow your own advice for one simple reason: when you offer options for action to another person, you act as an outside observer, which helps you assess the situation without unnecessary emotions and doubts. In order to use this advice yourself, you need to overcome yourself – you will certainly begin to think that everything is not so bad with you, that the circumstances are different, that you have not taken into account all the variables.
The best thing you can do is try to abstract. Imagine that the situation happened not to you, but to your good friend. Take a look at it from the outside – what would you advise a loved one to do and why he would have to do just that. If you find reasons why your advice should be heeded, you will motivate yourself to make the right decision and the right action.
You don’t separate your opinion from the opinions of others
A big mistake that you can make is not to separate your opinion from what the people around you say and advise you. Most are accustomed to following exactly the advice received from outside. Especially if the person talking to you somehow argues his position. But this is the problem – if you try, you can find confirmation of absolutely any opinion, no matter how crazy it is. Far-fetched facts and unreliable sources are not always obvious to someone who is in a difficult situation and does not understand what to do.
Therefore, remember one simple rule – never allow yourself to adopt the opinions of others. It is better to take a break, check all the information received, analyze your thoughts and feelings about the subject of the conversation and formulate your own position. No one will know better than you what to do in a particular situation.
You don’t train your willpower
It often happens like this: you understand what needs to be done in a particular situation because you gave advice to your family and friends dozens of times, and they worked flawlessly. It would seem – just take it and do the same thing as they do. But making the right decision is not always easy. You may encounter reluctance to do this, laziness, groundless fears, fear of public opinion, etc.
In order to do the right thing, brushing aside doubts and forbidding yourself to look for excuses and excuses, you need willpower. When it is not there, you are inactive or choose the easiest path, which in the end does not lead you to the desired result. Start training your willpower in small things: stop procrastinating, stick to your promises to yourself and others, keep your desire to acquire good habits. Over time, you will notice how much your view of familiar things will begin to change.
You are afraid of making a mistake
You may not follow your own advice for fear of making a mistake. Therefore, you love to ask the opinions of the people around you so much – if you do as they advise you, you can shift the responsibility to them in case of failure. If you act on your own terms, you will have to come to terms with the idea that the blame for the mistake lies entirely with you alone.
Learn to take responsibility – this skill is necessary for any adult and independent person. And the faster you learn to do this, the easier it will be for you to solve any problems without relying on someone else.