It can be quite uncomfortable to ask questions about money, even (and perhaps especially) with the person you care about most. It’s not for nothing that money is one of the most common reasons couples break up. And that while talking about money can prevent a lot of miscommunication and frustration.
In this article, you will therefore find 10 questions about money that you can ask your partner. Ask the questions that best suit you and your situation. It’s about getting the conversation started and talking about money becoming normal.
1. What are your (savings) goals?
In a serious relationship, it is good to know where the other see themselves in ten years. Is that in a house for sale, for example? Or in a camper, while travelling the world? In any case, it is good for your relationship to talk about the future, but it is also wise when it comes to finances. Many goals cost money, from that first car to a wedding.
2. What do you think is worth spending money on?
There are plenty of goals, but life should remain fun. That’s why it’s best to spoil yourself now and then with something that makes you happy. When you know what that is about each other, it can prevent a lot of arguing about money.
As soon as you have indicated to each other that this is what you like to spend money on, that will take away frustrations.
3. How did your parents handle money in the past?
Whether we like it or not, our parents and upbringing have (unconsciously) had a major influence on how we view money today. For example, did they often argue about money? Were they working on a budget? Did they find enjoyment more important than saving?
4. If you won a million, what would you do with the money?
Want to keep the conversation a little lighter? Then ask this question. By daydreaming about what you would do with a million, you also find out your partner’s values in life. You will see that such a question will start the conversation about money.
5. What are your biggest concerns when it comes to money?
One-third of the world has money worries, but everyone worries about their finances from time to time.
6. Who is responsible for the finances (or are we both)?
Often, one person in the relationship is responsible for paying the bills and making sure that the money you spend on groceries doesn’t run out of control. Make clear agreements about who that is and why.
That does not mean that the other person has to shake off their hands completely and has no idea how their finances are doing. Then you have a problem if the ‘responsible’ cannot handle money very well.
Money dates can be a solution. Money may not be the most fun topic to talk about, but a good serving board and a nice wine make up for a lot as far as we’re concerned. Discuss how your money is doing now; dream about the future together, and you will see that it eventually flows nicely into an actual date.
7. How much money do we want to spend on fixed costs, and how much do we want to save?
Discuss how much you want to spend per month on rent/mortgage, groceries, subscriptions, and meals. That, of course, is closely related to how much you want to save.
Tip: does one earn more than the other? Then agree on a percentage that you want to save each month for common goals.
8. On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate our finances right now?
How happy is your partner currently with your finances? And how happy are you? The following applies: the more communication there is about any concerns and frustrations, the fewer quarrels can follow about it in the future.
9. Suppose I were to spend a large amount of money without telling you about it. At what amount would you get angry?
Maybe he or she would never get angry at all because, after all, your money is your money. But it is also possible that your partner thinks it is wise to discuss large purchases. You won’t know until you’ve talked about it.
10. What habit around money do you value in me?
Let’s close with a positive question. It’s always nice to get a compliment. And certainly, if the conversation was more difficult than expected, it is nice to express your appreciation to each other.