Sometimes, in order to feel lonely, it is unnecessary to be alone with yourself. This feeling can overtake you when you are in a crowded place, in the company of family and friends, or next to your girlfriend. The saddest thing is that until you figure out the true causes of this feeling, no frequent meetings or constant conversations with other people, even the closest ones, can help normalize your condition. We have collected several reasons why you feel lonely being with friends.
8 reasons you feel lonely even though you have friends
1. You cannot establish peace with yourself
The reason why you can feel lonely, regardless of whether your friends are next to you or not, is often in yourself. Until you can achieve peace with yourself, you will constantly experience a sense of anxiety, your personality will not be whole, and your actions will be conscious.
If you feel bad alone and are afraid of some disturbing thoughts or do not understand what to do with yourself, do not look for reassurance in the people around you. You won’t get what you’re aiming for. No one else will help you sort yourself out and adjust your psycho-emotional state. You have to do it yourself.
Pull yourself together, stop running away from yourself and look into the eyes of your fears. This is the only way you can truly resolve your internal conflicts and free yourself from the negative influence of external circumstances.
2. You have different values
Sometimes, you just need to get into friends who do not share your views and values to feel lonely. It seems as if this does not greatly affect communication if your interlocutors are adequate people who do not set themselves the goal of proving their case. Everything is a little different: with those who think like you, it is much easier for you to find a common language. You understand each other at a glance, freely discuss almost any topic, and enthusiastically share your observations or information received.
When you disagree on some key issues, it becomes more difficult to communicate. Tough self-control comes out in the first place because any rash word can lead to conflict. In addition, there is no mutual understanding between you which gives a feeling of open, trusting, and deep communication. As a result, you begin to feel lonely in the company of those friends who do not share your vision of the world after some time.
3. You can’t be yourself
The most disgusting thing when you communicate with someone is the need to pretend to be another person. You can hide your emotions, keep silent about your views and interests, and agree with the opinions of your interlocutors. However, you think otherwise. There are situations when it is necessary to do this simply in order not to spoil the opinion about yourself, not to unleash a conflict, not to spend a large number of resources on meaningless disputes, and so on.
When next to a certain friend or in the company of friends, you can’t just relax and be who you really are; there can be no question of any comfortable communication. You spend too much time and effort controlling yourself, creating a suitable image for others. Not being able or willing to open up to a person, you start to feel lonely.
4. Friends are inattentive to you
You can be a person who always tries to be attentive to others but does not get the same attitude in return. Of course, everyone wants his family and friends, or just people with whom he spends a lot of time, to notice some changes in his life or emotional state. It’s nice to be asked about your well-being, remember what you said a few days earlier, or be interested in how an important scheduled meeting went.
Suppose you invest in communication, and people do not pay attention to you, sometimes even trying to ignore certain signals. In that case, it strongly repels and devalues your investment of effort and time in a relationship. You begin to feel lonely simply because people are indifferent to you.
5. You can’t have a heart-to-heart conversation with a friend
Perhaps your family has never had a heart-to-heart conversation but only discussed practical issues and solved some problems. Or you are not particularly eager to talk about your feelings. Or maybe the friends you surround yourself with have enough dry communication, and you want something more.
In any case, the inability to talk to someone heart to heart, share your experiences, and feel heard leads to a feeling of loneliness. You need to either overdo yourself and learn to be open to friends or change the environment if the problem is not with you.
6. You are trying to replace those with whom you can no longer maintain communication
It happens that, for some reason, you lose communication with an important person for you. And instead of coming to terms with it and allowing yourself to live through negative emotions and loneliness, you try to find a friend like him.
Of course, you can’t do it. Even if your replacement is really very similar to the one who was dear to you, there are still differences, and they cannot be overlooked. By maintaining communication with such people, you continue to feel lonely. No matter how hard you try to avoid this feeling, it is inevitable. In such a situation, the only thing you can do is to stop deceiving yourself and spoil the life of an innocent person.
7. You can’t diversify your leisure time
Sometimes the feeling of loneliness is closely related to the boredom that you experience when communicating with someone. If you and a certain person or company cannot diversify your leisure time and do not understand what to spend time on, most likely, you are familiar with this problem. To get rid of the feeling of loneliness and overcome boredom, try somehow to change your usual plan of activity after the meeting. Go to a new place, choose an interesting topic for conversation, and meet people who will have little in common with you.
8. You’re setting priorities wrong
You have a limited amount of time at your disposal that you can spend communicating with your friends. It is important with whom exactly you spend your free hours: with those nearby, or with those you want to see, even if they are far away.
Take a critical look at your relationship and try to prioritize it correctly. You will feel lonely spending time with those with whom you are not interested, no matter what you do or what you talk about. If you have friends whom you sincerely love, appreciate and respect, try to stay in touch with them: call them regularly, write to them, make appointments, and come to visit them. Invest in relationships with those with whom you feel intimacy.