Today, social media is overflowing with quarrels and disputes. In communicating with people, there is discomfort simply from the fact that we cannot correctly express everything that we feel. In order not to quarrel with colleagues and friends, it is worth working on your emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to handle emotions properly: recognize them, control them, and defuse conflicts.
Work on your emotions
The most important thing here is to learn to understand your emotions. The technique is simple: start asking yourself questions and writing down the answers in an emotion journal.
Important questions for self-awareness: “What am I feeling now?” “Why do I feel this?”, “How would I like to feel?”, “What do I need for this?”. Asking them to yourself, you will gradually be able to get to the bottom of the reason and understand why in a given situation you react in this way.
The diary can be filled in once a day – writing down the main feelings, summing up the day, or constantly capturing every mood change. The first method helps to understand the general emotional background, and the second reflects the broadest picture of your state.
Develop empathy
The key to developing empathy is sincerity. When you communicate with a person, you do not need to pretend that you are interested: listen to others, be attentive to other people’s words. Holding the phone in your hands will not work – you need to show genuine interest, and you cannot achieve it without full and sincere immersion in the conversation.
To better understand the interlocutor’s feelings, try to note the tone of voice of the interlocutor, his intonations: they may sound resentment or anger. Be attentive – try to understand exactly what the other person is feeling and why.
And if you already have a certain level of trust, do not be afraid to confirm your guesses by asking the other person directly. Remember tact and respect the right of a colleague or friend to any emotions, but do not be afraid to support him in a depressed state.
Chat on different topics
You need to constantly get to know your interlocutor from a new perspective: both joint trips to the theater and discussion of the latest news help here. Remember that your worldview will be different.
You can make sure of this and at the same time learn more about the interlocutor using the simplest exercise: imagine a closet and describe it in detail – material, height, color, purpose. Ask your colleague or friend to do the same. The results can tell you a lot about each other.
Learn to show your feelings and put yourself in the other person’s shoes
The Self-Messages technique is good for exploring your emotions, but you can also try on the experience of your interlocutor with it. With this technique, you show the interlocutor your emotional state from his actions.
For example, your colleague does not respond to your important letter for a long time, but instead of loud phrases about how bad he is, you talk about yourself. “This letter is very important, and that’s why I get upset when you don’t answer.”
After expressing your feelings, explain the effect of this behavior on you: “… I think I have been forgotten.” In the end, tell us how you see the best alignment for you: “I want to be answered at least sometimes, although I understand that you are busy.”
When performing different actions, people do not always think about what effect they have on others. By leaving an important letter unanswered, a colleague is likely devoting time to what he or she thinks are more important projects. But when you point out your feelings directly, it motivates the other person to look at others more widely.
Now try replacing “I” with the name of your colleague, friend, or relative and try to pronounce phrases based on what you know about your interlocutor.
Broaden your horizons
Curiosity expands the boundaries of empathy, confronting you with people outside your usual circle and introducing you to other life experiences. You will receive a unique view of the world, new answers to familiar questions, and unusual solutions for everyday tasks in each case.
Do not forget about various educational courses: from the peculiarities of the philosophy of the Renaissance to neuropsychology. There are also separate programs that are explicitly devoted to the development of emotional intelligence. In addition, books, films, classes, acquaintances will help. To meet new people, you can use special services that will help you schedule a tea party or brainstorm with one or several interlocutors.
Be open and sincere, do not judge, listen to yourself and those around you – and you will have no problems understanding what the interlocutor is thinking and feeling.
