The previous relationship is over, the separation has been experienced, and it seems as if nothing can prevent you from meeting a new ─ real one! ─ love. But time goes on, one date is replaced by another, and not one of the suitors remains in the heart or the thoughts.
What is the real reason why don’t I love anyone?
The relationship ended, but love remained
You secretly look at his page on the social network, call back, continuing to communicate “like friends.” Maybe he writes several SMS a day, comments on your blog, and through mutual friends, you will find out the news about each other’s life. Any interaction with a former lover, real or mental (that is, only in your head), continues the relationship.
They will end only when the internal need for communication is no longer there. Of course, we are not talking about children together, when communication, rather, turns into a necessity than into a sincere urge.
However, even in such a situation, you can live the emotions of parting: anger, resentment, disappointment, and with absolute calm in your soul, maintain a conversation with your ex about threes in a quarter of your son. To end a relationship means to stop feeling an emotional outburst at the mention of a former lover.
Fear of new pain
Often, after a tough breakup, we are terrified of falling in love. Going to work, children or parents, endless parties, and even dates every night is an escape from your fear. We are ready to do anything to prevent the possibility of falling in love again because it can be dangerous.
In such cases, the protective mechanisms of the psyche are triggered, designed to protect against new pain. We do not give a chance for feelings to develop and develop into something more, and the frequent excuse here is, “I don’t like him, and I will not go on a second date with him.”
Was there love?
Falling in love, affection, warmth ─ anything, just not love. Perhaps in previous relationships, it was more important to feel protected, rather than in love ─ relationships built on mutually beneficial cooperation also have a right to exist.
Cold calculation more often speaks not of a woman’s commercialism but of the fear of being disappointed, deceived, or abandoned again. To protect itself, the psyche includes protection ─ to choose someone with whom it is difficult to fall in love.
If you are looking for a certain type of man, for example, a caring dad, and not true feelings, then you should think about what kind of scenario you are playing over and over again?
“I want to marry this particular celebrity, but ordinary guys are called on a date” ─ in such a situation, the chosen one is described exclusively externally, speaking of age, social status, and attitude towards oneself, they say, to “love and respect.”
At the same time, a certain ideal of a man remains in the head, which is impossible to meet in real life. The reasons are different: self-doubt, fear of new pain, or disappointment in previous relationships.
The celebrity, of course, does not walk the streets of the city, and it is unlikely that you will be able to see him at the next entrance, which means there is reliable protection from love, and you can wait for your prince further.
I don’t know what love is
For various reasons, some people may not have the experience of falling in love and never feel what others call true love. Hence the appropriate choice of a partner ─ more through reasoning than through feelings.
For such people, love is about fulfilling the desires of another, serving, and sacrificing. Here you can hear phrases like “I did everything for him, I loved him so much, but he left anyway.” The feeling of love in such a relationship is replaced by another concept ─ sacrifice when other people’s interests are put above their own.
This is because, in the family where the person grew up, love was expressed through the satisfaction of the needs of another to the detriment of their own. And even when there is no need to behave in this way, we, again and again, reproduce the habitual behavior in our relationships.