Friendships start easily – you find a common language, you start spending more time together, you become close through similar interests or views on life. It’s especially easy to be friends when you’re a teenager-you can always be in touch, hanging out on the streets, or hanging out at someone’s house.
But you both grow up, change, maybe even move to different cities or just see each other less often because of work and piles of problems. There is a great risk that one day you will realize: your relationship has changed a lot, and not for the better.
Like any relationship between people, friendship requires serious work, from two people at once. If you’re not happy that the connection between you and your friend is deteriorating, read about the most common mistakes that can cause this.
You forget about the friendship as soon as you get a girlfriend
Friendship and love are things that cannot be replaced by each other. Yes, a girlfriend can be your wife in the future, but after all, your friend, if he is really close and time-tested, also claims the honorary title of “family member”. This is the one person who will be with you, support you in a difficult time, lift your spirits.
Never trade friendship for love, and love for friendship. Try to keep a balance: if you have a girlfriend, tell your friend that your meetings will become less frequent, but always stay in touch with him or her and don’t forget about your mutual plans.
You’re Using Your Friend as a Psychologist
A friend is not a free psychologist willing to listen to a 24/7 monologue about your problems. Yes, a good friend will always be supportive, give helpful advice, even take pity when you really need it. But you shouldn’t abuse it.
Your friends also have problems, some of which they just don’t rush to tell you about. By constantly burdening them with your worries, you’re burdening communication with you. Dose the negativity you spew on your friends. If you really feel very bad, you don’t know what to do, and your condition doesn’t change for more than 2-3 weeks – see a psychologist or psychotherapist.
You are holding back your negative emotions.
Don’t keep it to yourself if something happens in your relationship that makes you feel angry or resentful. Stop holding back negative emotions – if you can’t talk to your friend about everything or if you realize that your words will not be heard and taken into account, it’s probably pointless to continue the friendship. And if your significant other is willing to make contact and correct his behavior, let him know how you feel.
You’re jealous of your friend
Being jealous is, if not bad, at least pointless. Being jealous of your friends and also showing it or trying to devalue their accomplishments and feelings in any way is very low. Friends are those who will be genuinely happy for each other if one of them succeeds. You can’t get along with the idea that you’re not the lucky one – you’re a dubious friend. Your significant other will notice your disappointment or dissatisfaction, and your relationship will cease to be 100% trusting.
You wait for your friend to take the initiative in communicating
If the person doesn’t call or text you for a long time, it doesn’t mean they don’t care about you. Maybe your friend has a lot of work, or something happened in his life. Instead of waiting around, take the initiative to contact her and ask why she hasn’t heard from him in a while. Stop thinking that no one needs you if the person does not write to you first.
You expect your friend to always agree with you
Friendship is first and foremost about communicating in spite of, not because you are so similar in everything. Suppose your friend has a different point of view from yours on some issue. In that case, it’s great, because you have another reason to have an interesting conversation, to look at familiar things in a new way and maybe even expand your knowledge of the subject of discussion. Don’t expect your friends to always agree with you – that’s ridiculous, to say the least. This is either the way of people with no opinion, or those who want to win your favor at all costs. A true friend will not be afraid to argue with you, and that, on the contrary, should be appreciated.
You do not want to hear the truth from your friend
Friends always tell each other the truth – the other question is whether you are ready to hear and take this very truth calmly. Yes, sometimes honesty is as if it were out of place – you are presented with different information than you expected. But don’t be too quick to make value judgments: people who care can be harsh and rude simply because they want the best for you. Learn to respond in a thoughtful, measured way. If you’re disturbed by something your friend said, be sure to discuss it with him, ask what made him say that, what he meant.
You are constantly rebuking your friend
If you feel that your friend is making a bad decision, acting against himself or saying outrageous things, just tell him that. You don’t have to constantly rebuke him, criticize him, try to manipulate him, etc. Your friend is an adult who can run his life as he pleases. The most you can do – giving him advice, and whether it’s worth it or not – is certainly not up to you to decide. But the constant reproaches, acting on a person’s nerves, you are very likely to spoil your communication.
You communicate with those who hurt your friend
Don’t assume that neutrality is the best way out of a situation. If someone hurts your friend, sets him up, or betrays him, and you keep in touch with him like nothing happened, justifying yourself with the fact that he did nothing wrong to you – you’re such a friend, to be honest. It is worth reconsidering your position in this situation and start considering the feelings of those you care about.
You don’t keep track of your jokes in company
Friendship is a bunch of jokes, but some of them can be inappropriate in other people’s company and are only welcome between the two of you. Watch carefully what you joke about and how your friend reacts to it. What you think is funny may not make him feel very well.
You don’t accept help from your friend
Of course, it’s great that you are independent, or even more precisely, self-sufficient person who can cope with almost any problem without the help of others. But a friend is the person who helps you not because you’re unable to do something yourself, but simply because he can’t do otherwise. It feels good to make your life easier, to give useful advice, to participate in solving your problems, to listen to you. If you continually refuse his help, devalue his attempts to tell you something or give guidance, he will soon feel unwanted.