People do not always have the same desires and views on the near future in a relationship. Someone just needs to be in a relationship, while someone already begins to think about the future and try on new roles after a short time. If your girlfriend is ripe for a wedding and is already beginning to hint or even ask directly about your intentions regarding a marriage proposal, and you are not sure that you are ready for this, you need to solve the problem as soon as possible.
Especially if you have been dating for a long time, you have a strong relationship, and there are no objective reasons not to consolidate your union in the registry office. We’ve put together a few tips to help you explain your actions to each other and make an informed decision together.
Analyze what exactly is holding you back
It is clear that if you have been dating for several months, there can be no talk of any wedding: at least you have not yet gotten to know each other well enough. But if the relationship can be called long, then marriage is just the next stage in their development. Think about what exactly slows you down: maybe you are not sure that the same person is next to you, or you are strained by constant quarrels and attempts to manipulate you.
Think about all the little things that push you away from the girl, embarrass you, make you think about how healthy your relationship is. Find among them the reason that, as it seems to you, prevents you from securing your union in your passport. Once the problem is resolved, your reluctance to move to the next level will disappear.
Talk about her motivations
Sometimes, the lack of desire to marry a girl is a banal misunderstanding between you. For example, you see no reason to sign and play a wedding because you already love the person with whom you are in a relationship, and your girlfriend, on the contrary, dreams of a fluffy dress and will feel more comfortable in the official status of a wife.
In a healthy relationship, people talk a lot – so talk to your loved one about their motives. Maybe the girl does not consider the relationship serious until you get married, even if you have been together for several years and everything is fine with you, or she is already thinking about living together and having children, and therefore is waiting for an offer from you. You need to better understand what really motivates your girlfriend, and then you are likely to come to a common opinion.
Think about an alternative
A wedding is not necessarily a bunch of guests, huge expenses for a hall, DJs and a dress, a loan for a trip to a restaurant, a bride price, etc. You may confuse a reluctance to marry with a dislike for wedding stereotypes. Think, if it is important for your girlfriend to become your wife, and you have a good relationship that you are not going to end, at least in the near future, why not meet her halfway.
Moreover, you can choose an alternative option: instead of a pretentious event, simply book a table in a cafe, invite your loved ones (or decide to celebrate this important day only together), and sign at the registry office without unnecessary money and moral spending.
Ask yourself if this relationship has a future
Sometimes your unwillingness to marry a girl may indicate that you do not see the future in your relationship. Maybe you realized a long time ago that next to you is not the person with whom you are ready to spend most of your life, but you are in no hurry to part because you are too used to the girl, you don’t want to upset her, or it’s just convenient for you to live together. It is important to admit this to yourself in order to make life easier for yourself and for another person.
If you do not see a girl in the role of a potential wife, and it is important for her to get married, do not waste your time and hers. Communicate your thoughts honestly to her, which will allow you to make a general decision.
Find out if her intentions are serious
Questions about the wedding can be a kind of test from the girl, which will show how serious your intentions are. If the person with whom you are in a relationship is really dear to you, you will definitely not say a firm “no” and will not hesitate for a long time in answer to the question “Will we ever get married?” Instead of panicking, find out if the girl really wants to marry you shortly, or ask you because she wants to understand whether it is worth spending her time on a relationship with you at all.
Try to solve all your problems
Sometimes, when problems arise in a relationship and a girl feels unstable, she starts talking about marriage. It seems that if you sign, then all the problems will go into the background because the main thing is that you will become a husband and wife, those who must be together no matter what. If the girl started asking you about the wedding just when everything is not going smoothly in your relationship, you should not take any hasty actions. First, try to devote all your strength to solve your problems.
Treat a girl like a wife
If you constantly taunt your girlfriend, telling her how she should behave, while when she demands something from you, you refuse, reminding her that you are not married – you provoke her to talk about the wedding. Start treating her like your wife: show a positive dynamic in your relationship, offer to go on vacation together, visit her parents, move in and start living together, share household chores, etc. Change for the better, don’t let her doubt you, and then questions about marriage may sound much less common.
Don’t let the girl manipulate you
It is very bad if your girlfriend is trying to manipulate you: she gives you ultimatums, promises to quit if you don’t make an offer in the near future, constantly reproaches you. If this is about you, run from such a partner. Nothing good awaits you next to such a girl in the future. Save yourself and her time and effort, and talk to her frankly: express your opinion, explain why you do not want to marry her and ask what solution will satisfy her. She can wait until you are ripe for an offer, or she can end the relationship with you.
Promise your wedding soon
Warning: This is only worth doing if you have a really good relationship and just need a little time to mentally prepare for the next step. If you see a girl in the role of your wife, you can tell her that the wedding will be, just a little later. Talk to her openly, tell her why you need time, and then she will calmly wait for your proposal, not rushing things.