Having to deal with toxic parents is never easy. We are subjected to severe criticism, mocking in our address, or passive-aggressiveness on their part, which originates from them. No matter how far we move away from the person or try to distance ourselves from them, hurtful words stick with us for a long time and can lead to low self-esteem or complexes.
However, there is more than a desire to embarrass you by hiding behind each sentence toxic parents say to their children. From reading this article, you will have an understanding of what the most typical toxic statements hide.
8 toxic things parents say to their child and why they do it
1. Because of all that we did for you, you owe it to us to show gratitude
This is one of the words that will make you feel as though you owe something or are sorry about anything.
She pays no attention to the fact that people choose to become parents and actively accept responsibility for their children. In this situation, it is entirely up to them whether or not they will make a sacrifice.
This expression is typically spoken by parents who are unhappy with the way their lives have unfolded and are expressing their frustrations to their children. They have not accomplished their goals and have not obtained what they want, so now they are attempting to convince us to act in a manner compatible with their goals. This happens when people try to live their lives through other people by always pushing for things they did not achieve in their own lives.
2. It’s not our fault that you’re so sensitive
Because your mother had been so harsh with you, you immediately started crying. Or irritated when you were falsely accused of something you hadn’t done. It is assumed that any expression of feeling you have is because you are overly sensitive and unable to interpret what they are saying because of this appropriately.
This pattern of conduct is characterized by the inability of parents to accept responsibility for their own words and actions, as well as to acknowledge when they are in the wrong. They do not wish to communicate differently or even express the word “sorry.”
In families where expressing feelings openly is not permitted, members of those households frequently find themselves on the receiving end of accusations of being sensitive. It is essential to keep in mind that you have the authority to experience any feelings you choose. And the fact that parents are unable to tolerate them shouldn’t even be your concern in the first place.
3. You won’t achieve anything meaningful in your life
The more frequently we hear this sentence, the more damage it does to our sense of self-worth.
If your parents frequently make you feel worthless or that you are not good enough at something, this may be a sign that they have insecurities and phobias of their own. Or a high level of anticipation regarding you is not met by your performance.
They are unable to accept you for who you are and the decision that you have made, particularly if it is different from their own.
4. You take after your dad in every way
A word like this may come from our mother if our parents are always arguing with one another or if they have divorced.
She may be trying to ruin your relationship with her father on purpose by making repeated comparisons between the two of you in unfavourable ways. You might also do it to drive home the point that the individual who was standing next to her is insufficient or incorrect.
Mom refuses to acknowledge the part she had in causing the divorce and accepts responsibility for it. She expects you to hate your father just as much as she does, but instead of behaving dignified and emotionally mature, she focuses all of her hatred on you. She acts as though you are responsible for her feelings.
5. You should behave more like your brother or sister
When parents compare their children to one another, the children themselves start to compete against one another. And a type of behaviour like this may only make the relationships between members of the family worse.
Because they are unable to learn how to love each of their children in an equal measure, parents use this expression to justify their tendency to single out one of their children as their favourite.
In addition, if they have unfavourable feelings about one of their children, it may be because that child does not live up to the standards they have set for him or her. Or, it could be a reflection of their personality’s negative aspects that they cannot accept about themselves.
6. You are slim or short or ugly
Toxic parents will often attack you because of how you look, which is one of their characteristics. They might do this by making a joke at your expense or giving you constructive criticism.
Most of the time, this is because of problems with how the appearance of the person who offends you is seen by the one who is offended. In order to feel better about themselves, the parent will search for flaws in their child and concentrate on those flaws. Although no one asked, it appears to them that they are simply telling you the truth in this manner.
7. Because we are your parents, and we have your best interests at heart, we make this sacrifice for you
Another one of the most frustrating aspects of unhealthy manipulation in a relationship is demonstrated here. Parents often have the misconception that they better understand their children’s requirements and requirements in life. This might be anything from the food you eat for breakfast to the person you choose to spend the rest of your life with.
This occurs due to an ingrained desire on the part of the individual for control and excessive protection. Authoritative and controlling parents use this statement to achieve what they want from their children or inspire them to pursue their dreams and hobbies even though they were unable to do so.
8. We were only joking; there was no need to get offended
In a toxic relationship between both parties, insults can be masked as jokes. Under cover of a joke, parents sometimes permit themselves to make critical or judgemental comments to their children. They offer for us to “cool off” and not take anything to heart after our angry reaction or annoyance to such humour.
Turning insults into humorous situations is a clear sign that one is unwilling to accept responsibility for what they have said. They believe they should be telling you the truth, but when they receive pushback, they change their tune and lie to you instead.
Simply because they desire the best for you does not permit you, in their view, to experience feelings of bitterness, disappointment, or sadness. Therefore, you should not expect an apology for this, nor should you expect them to change how they communicate with you.